We have all encountered them, we hope never to aspire to be them but when we encounter them we know instantly: they are the worst hotel guest ever. This one comes to you from The Confidante, a Hyatt property on Miami Beach.
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Quick Breakfast
We are going to call this customer, Tennis Skirt, and if I had to guess (I do because I didn’t ask) I would say she was mid-50s and trying really hard to look early 40s. Aptly named, she sported a white Tennis Skirt, a large name brand bag and an awesome attitude.
She sat down opposite from us and was clear from the start that she didn’t have much time – she said so, repeating it, many times. Her husband or partner grabbed some small items from the buffet and the server, who could do no right from the start, brought them drinks. She had ordered a simple granola breakfast with no peanut butter as she was deathly allergic for herself, pancakes and a hot oatmeal to go:
“…in one of those little cups with the lids, you know, to keep it hot. It needs to be hot when I take it to him. Do you have one of those lids?” This was all before he could respond with a simple yes or no.
After a few minutes had passed and the server was in view again, she flagged him down to ask if her oatmeal was coming, to which he responded “Of course it is.” After a couple more minutes had passed and she was still waiting (impatiently), she began huffing and puffing and telling her husband how “asinine” this wait was and that they would not be paying for the meal. She then seemingly levitated, floating like a poltergeist from her seat over to a server station enquiring to whomever was in the area where her food was (because of course whoever she happened to ask would know). When she did not receive the response she preferred, she walked back over and asked her husband if their was anything healthy on the buffet and then proceeded to help herself to some fruit.
I was in the restaurant industry for years and as a former bartender/server/manager – I am not going to delay your food intentionally if you are whining about it – I just want you out of my hair as soon as possible. In essence, even when you bark at me about the food you’re not eating (which I am not cooking nor can control its arrival) we are on the same team because I don’t want to deal with a surly customer any more than that customer wants to wait a moment longer for their food. The equation is simple, if I can find a way to get your food faster, you leave faster and bother someone else – everybody wins.
For whatever reason, perhaps self-fulfilling prophecy or a server staff that disagrees with my approach to fast/now customers, her oatmeal really did arrive about 25 minutes after she ordered it and told them she was on a tight timeline. She had to get her walk in. Eventually a manager brought the oatmeal out himself (that’s a good manager to jump on the grenade) and of course wiped their bill apologizing profusely.
Anything they ordered would have taken too long from the moment she sat down, but I was personally frustrated that it actually did take longer than was probably necessary and she was somewhat in the right to complain. The abuse along the way, however, was unnecessary.
Towel Station
Later in the day, I started for the towel station near the pools. I needed to check towels out and give them my name and room number to ensure I was a guest. I was about to give my name to the attendant when she ran off quickly, summoned by guess who? There were about a hundred people at the pool area at this point (about 1pm during on a Wednesday during the holiday break) and the only one snapping her fingers and ordering staff is… you guessed it… our favorite guest, Tennis Skirt, her mostly silent husband and now her teenage son.
She’s upset that there aren’t enough open seats for her family to sit together when they rock up to the pool at peak swimming period. The staff decides to evict vacant towels on lounge chairs that do not have other supporting evidence of a tenant (no hats, cellphones or other personal effects to suggest someone was sitting there) and puts our Queen of the Courts poolside (the quiet pool ironically for such a loud, barking dog).
There is another staff member a little sheepish in her presence and almost cowering when he returns to the towel stand. We connected earlier because he found out I live in Pittsburgh, he is a lifelong Steelers fan, I am not but I didn’t break his heart.
“Hey don’t worry about her. Trust me there is no pleasing her. If she didn’t have a seat she wouldn’t be satisfied until you built her one from scratch. Even then, she’d wait until you were done to demand it was reclaimed wood. Just ignore her, she will bark at someone else, I promise you.” He gave me a knowing glance, and I walked away.
Espresso, No Coffee
My family had just completed our brief stay at Hotel Confidante (my review is here) and we packed up. When we reached the front desk, my wife and I took one look at a line of about 30 people (2:30PM – both late checkouts are leaving and normal check-ins are taking place), and decided that scene isn’t for us. I emailed MyConcierge from Hyatt and mentioned we were heading out but would not check out at the front desk, please ensure we were not charged for breakfast or the bottle of water in our room.
My wife and daughter went to our car in the driveway, the valet had already brought it around – that’s the kind of service you should expect for $44/nt plus tax. I went inside for tipping change at the little coffee shop, Cafecito. Like a bad punch line, Tennis Skirt is in front of me by about three seconds ordering coffee, sort of.
“I’ll have a hot tea, decaf and double espresso with no coffee.”
A pair of confused and soon-to-be-abused staff members look back at Tennis Skirt like they either heard her wrong or she has no idea what coffee is.
“Miss, coffee is made from espresso beans, and espresso from coffee beans. There is no way to have espresso without coffee, decaf or otherwise.” The barista was in his early 60s, grandfatherly, Spanish-speaking and just loved to make a perfect cup of joe. He is looking at her incredulously when she challenges back.
“No, I want a hot tea, decaf coffee and double espresso with no coffee – a doppio.”
A second staff member steps in to try and clarify her order. There is some conversing between the staff member and the barista who is saying in Spanish that you can’t have espresso without coffee, the younger (presumably American) staff member explaining that she just wants a double espresso and agreeing that yes, you cannot have an espresso without coffee in it.
“You know what, I’ll just go to Starbucks, they know how to make a doppio –“ she interjects while people are intervening on her behalf to try to get her drinks without laughing at her.
I foolishly step in. “Espresso is a coffee product, you can’t have espresso without coffee.”
“But is it made with espresso beans?” she retorts.
You know what? That’s 90% marketing – I stop my thoughts from reaching my mouth and becoming words. Instead I just say, “Yes.”
The barista mumbles again in Spanish that you can’t have espresso without “café”, we discuss the crazy lady for a second as she walks away drinks in hand. A full ten minutes after I arrived for tipping change for so that I can tip the valet I end up bonding with the barista and tipping him too out of general American obligation and guilt.
I am sure there are worse hotel guests, but Tennis Skirt was just the lowest type of human being to me, constantly expecting staff members to do the impossible like removing coffee from espresso beans and creating pool loungers out of nothing. We had encountered her three times from 10:30 to 2:30 and 100% of the time she was rude to staff, demanding, and embarrassing to be near.
How do you handle people like this one? Do you say something or do you avoid them? Do you write blog posts about them?
I’d have handled the first two times like you, but I probably would have explained in my best “bless your heart” voice that espresso is coffee. I’d have let her try to explain how smart she was, since that’s kind of her thing, and then hung her out to dry. I’m ex-industry too, and I sometimes face down terrible customers so that staff don’t have to, as well as hopefully embarrass them enough that they think twice about pulling stunts in the future. Also, it pleases me to ruin the day of people who try to ruin it for others.
I used to be a lot more like you and let people know because no one else obviously had. My wife has taught me that this is rarely polite and always awkward. Sometimes she wins, sometimes the real me wins and let these imbeciles know what’s what. This time, her reserved approach won out.
This is why I hate the saying “the customer is always right”. This lady acts this way because nobody tells her to STFU! My last day of work, also hospitality, will be my finest.
The key with making your last day your finest will of course hinge on encountering a similar person (they never surface when you need them to and seemingly unavoidable the rest of the time) – and of course staying under the radar until your big moment.
“The customer is always right” isn’t meant to be taken literally. It simply means that if you are arguing with a customer, you can’t win.
I probably wouldn’t have said anything the first time…but at the pool or cafe, I’d have had to say something to her. People like her count on the timidity and politeness of others to never challenge them. I am someone who doesn’t enable such stupidity and rudeness. I will tell them exactly what they need to hear, regardless of how problematic it may be for me in the short term, I’m always willing to take one for the team to make sure an idiot or asshole knows I think they are being an idiot or an asshole.
I usually am too, but I’m trying to be better about assuming the responsibility of taking one for the team because I don’t know how effective I have been – usually I just make myself feel better and the offending party thinks I am a nut job while my poor wife is embarrassed.
Americans are *crazy* about “espresso.” I love when I hear an American in DC or NYC say, “I just love espresso! I love a good espresso!” Most Americans don’t seem to understand that espresso is just a *method* of coffee preparation. It’s also, I guess, why they pay $3 for what costs €0.80 in Italy. LOL.
I am just happy that more than 50% of the time I hear people ordering “espresso” and not “ex-presso”, progress is slow but moving in the right direction.
Just had to share since I don’t have my own blog post!
Had an old man (very grandfatherly looking…but acted like a brat) complain at the resort family pool that the kids in the pool area were too loud and they need to be quiet. He proceeded to tell me and other parents we need to shut the kids up or take them back to the room so he could have some peace. All of us chose to ignore him, and the guy then called hotel security to complain. When security arrived, they listened to both sides and escorted the the old brat out so families and children can enjoy the family pool without being harassed.
This reminds me of when passengers suggest that kids shouldn’t be allowed in first class (regardless of whether or not they are making more noise than the road warriors trading war stories over jack daniels minis). If you want the cabin to suit your preference, fly private – if you want absolute serenity at the pool, try AirBnB.
This is the kind of stuff, Tennis Skirt, $44 nt, etc. that ruins Miami for me. It’s like a bunch of people trying to buy trendiness, hotels over charging and fools trying to act important. I’m afraid to see what name Starbucks puts on her cup.
I didn’t mention all of the other guests that were not problematic. The complimentary family next to us at breakfast that were so sweet to Lucy, the children sharing the inflatables with her at the pool, the other guests rolling their eyes at Tennis Skirt at Cafecito – everyone else was great. And sure, you have a little bit of that nonsense in Miami too but overall we loved it and would happily be back, not just to The Confidante but also to the city.
One day I will grow my own espresso plant to harvest its beans.
I have the perfect taste-tester who is an apparent expert.
Kyle,
The same attitude permeates doctors offices too,with some patients.If they abuse my staff we dont give them appointments and then they disappear,[finding someone who will put up with them]
nageshMD
Kick those customers to the curb, they are poison!
I generally ignore people like this when I’m not at work unless I think they have crossed a line. Generally that is few and far between for me. If I feel strongly the poor employee needs an ally then that’s usually when I would step in.
At work it’s a matter of being polite and trying to figure out if they have a complaint I can actually address. Sometimes being talked to by the pilot makes a difference sometimes it doesn’t.
I work towards that tact but I am not always successful.
No pictures of Mrs. Tennis Skirt?
+1. pics or it didn’t happen 😉
avi – that’s my line. I will look to see if I captured one.
I assumed she could sue me for my account, though – if I understand correctly using the Tucker Max defense logic – if it’s true it’s not libel and I can write about it all day long. That being said, could I use her image without her express permission?
no expert on this but I think you might be right.. for non-commercial use, there’s nothing she could do but I think she might become a “model” as unlikely as that sounds since this blog theoretically makes money.