An American Airlines traveler took flak for refusing to swap his paid window seat for an aisle seat with a family that insisted they needed it “for the baby.” Sorry, but as Family Guy reminds us, a lack of proper planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part…
When You Paid For Your Seat, A Family Shouldn’t Ask You To Give It Up
The business traveler had paid $125 to select a window seat on his international flight because he knew he’d be exhausted and the window provides some support when trying to sleep. Sleep was his only goal on the longhaul flight.
“I paid $125ish for a window seat on a 14-hour international flight. I knew I’d be coming into this leg sleep deprived … I got to my seat, mom and about 1 year-old infant sitting in the middle seat, aisle seat is open. Dad stands up … asks me to switch … I told him I paid for a window seat and he aggressively said ‘it’s basically the same thing’ … they kept repeating ‘well you’re going to have to sit by a baby then.’”
The traveler continued: “It’s so unfair that airline procedures lead to paying customers being asked to give up their paid-for accommodations or face shame and (admittedly minor) conflict.”
Why The Family’s Request Was Unreasonable
I’ve said this before, but since this appears to be such a common practice, it bears repeating: you are under no obligation to switch seats, unless directed by a flight attendant. Here’s why:
- He paid specifically for a window seat to ensure rest and was offered an inferior seat in trade, a cardinal sin when it comes to seat swapping (some may prefer an aisle seat, but he did not…)
- The asking family was seated in the same row and simply wanted the window seat for convenience, not necessity
- If they wanted to sit together, they should have paid for their seats too and if there were not seats together, they could have booked another flight
Airline policies typically state they will attempt to honor seat selections but do not guarantee them. That said, once a passenger has paid and is seated, it is fundamentally inappropriate to extract seat swaps through guilt, pressure, or implied entitlement.
As for the family, two aisle seats adjacent to one another are arguably ideal for caring for the baby.
Give Courtesy, Not Obligation
There’s a difference between polite requests and aggressive demands. The father’s question was reasonable enough, if only asked once and asked politely. But the fact that the mom suggested, “Well you’re going to have to sit by a baby then,” shifted the dynamic into entitlement rather than courtesy.
As a father of two who frequently traveled with my children when were babies, this isn’t about being anti-baby or unsympathetic, it’s about fairness. It’s not a burden for someone else to accommodate your last-minute convenience. If seating is important to you, you should not leave it to chance! Book a flight that allows you to pre-reserve the seats you want.
CONCLUSION + A Lesson From Family Guy
When you purchase a specific seat, you should not feel pressure to relinquish it because someone else claims they need it more. The traveler’s frustration was valid. Asking is one thing. Demanding is another, especially when the request is backed by guilt and threats.
I write these story from time to time becuase I think far too many people are still too accommodating. Just say no…here’s a great script from the Family Guy:
“Ma’am your poor planning does not constitute an emergency for me… You’ll see him in Paris, go sit down.” Ha-haa!
Recall that Seth MacFarlane was scheduled to be on American Airlines Flight 11, the plane that crashed into the North Tower of the World Trade Center on 9/11, but he missed it because he overslept after a late night of drinking. He arrived at the airport approximately 10 minutes after the gate had closed and was unaware of the attacks until he woke up later in the lounge to the news. Wild.
You may ask me nicely to switch seats. In most cases, I will say no. The only acceptable response to my no is thanking me for considering the switch.
I will happily switch my seat for the same or better seat (window > isle > middle, imo) if I will be moving further up the plane, or a max of 4 rows back, if you ask nicely. Otherwise, I am open to bribery, flattery, sob stories, etc, but should I refuse I am wholly in the right and will not feel bad for doing so.
Sitting in 8D & E (AA first row of MCE) this week on a 3 hour flight next to an elderly gentleman in F whose wife was in A. They must have asked the FA to see if anyone would move as she was sitting in FC Row 4 and asked if we were together but did not ask if we would switch. I gathered from the glances across the aisle they wanted to sit together but didn’t want to ask anyone also together as was B & C. I offered to switch with the wife and moved from my wife and got window A instead of the middle.
They thanked my wife over and over during the flight and I feel we made their day over a simple gesture on our end. Note I ended up sitting next to 2 flamboyantly gay dudes and survived, lol.
See, this judgemental bastard can actually do a decent deed occasionally. Just don’t tell anyone.
If you and P2 wanna avoid ‘middle’ seats and can’t afford First, try 8C and 8D, or, if you hate each other, 8A and 33F, at least those are the seats on AA’s 737-800, which ‘fits’ with your MCE reference.
Oh, and by the way, was mentioning ‘2 flamboyantly gay dudes’ really necessary? Like, how could YOU ‘NOT-SEE’ that.
How about F#ck you clown. I didn’t say I wanted to avoid a middle, did I? And yes, I can afford FC but don’t see it as a value in either miles or money for most of my flights. And yea it was obvious but worse once I sat next to them and listened to them talk. Pure tonsil jockeys.
Meanwhile you are crying about bums too lazy to even work “starving”. Remember, “Can’t feed em, don’t breed em”.
I’d sit next to 2 flamboyant gays before I’d sit next to an arrogant, opinionated straight man. Just saying
@Dave Edwars. I do not agree with you on many things. But, since I stopped reading the high-volume, zero-quality poster, I have more time to do things. You don’t get free rent in my brain cells.
100% spot on Matthew. It’s fine to ask politely once but if the answer is no that’s the end of it and you should move on.
Many parents seem to think their child are so precious and special that a person traveling without children are obliged to move their assigned seat. Odds are that your spoiled little angel is not going to go to Harvard or Yale or be a CEO of a hedge fund. A person who refuses to give up his seat to a child is teaching an important life lesson. Life is and will continue to full of disappointments and your mommy and daddy sometimes will behave like entitled jerks.
“Knowledge is power!” + “Stand up for your rights!”
Matthew — THANK YOU for your article. It’s nice to have somebody with a family giving proper perspective to this issue. The section, “Why The Family’s Request Was Unreasonable” was SPOT ON. And your comment, “As a father of two who frequently traveled with my children when were babies, this isn’t about being anti-baby or unsympathetic, it’s about fairness.” is also SPOT ON.
I fly WN because they have the most flights when I visit family (BWI-TPA and BWI-MHT). I’m wondering how things are going to unfold when they go to assigned seating.
* Will seat stealing be a significant problem?
* Will FAs get worn down having to deal with seat stealing that they begin to tell customers, “I don’t care if they are sitting in your seat. Take this one instead. If you have a problem with that, get off the plane.” ?
* If couples (or families) choose to purchase seats which do not allow for seat selection — will they use guilt and/or manipulation to coerce passenger to swap seats?
Surprised Matt didn’t notice that in this sketch, she approaches Stewie and Brian with the baby to BOTH switch their seats implying that she likely had already asked one, or two, other passengers individually next to her to switch and they declined.
While Stewie was being rather snippy about it (she asked in a kind manner), I think the proper way to respond is that if the seat is better than this one, he’ll consider doing so.
I got snagged the one and only time I was asked to switch by the FA for an elderly woman, and did, and got an AWFUL seat and I asked the FA if she could do anything and she said no. Lesson learned.
Good catch. She did say “they didn’t have three together” when they booked, so presumably she’s offering a window/middle or aisle/middle combination to Stewie and Brian. Of course, Brian wouldn’t have a seat being a dog, and Stewie being one would need a car seat. And, of course, apparently she is one of the few who can actually understand Stewie.
I’ve FURTHER analyzed this image! hear me out! Sorry!
They appear to be sitting in an exit row!!!! There’s nobody immediately in front of them in the camera view and she’s approaching from the side. They have pretty good seats, including the husband by the window.
She could have offered her hubby’s seat to either the person next to her or the child or perhaps even asked someone on the opposite aisle to switch the person next to her so her hubby could come over. That’s a total of at least 3 people who could, without loss of status, make the switch.
So in that context, I don’t think it was entirely unreasonable of her to ask ONE of them to make the switch. However, as you know, there are some people who won’t switch unless there’s special circumstances such as me concerned my credit card on file could get hit if they order drinks and snacks. We need a way to disable that in the airline profile per flight.
I’ve got my dog his own Delta One seat next to me in the middles more than once, Brian could
While I agree that there’s no requirement to switch, just saying “no we don’t switch” without considering the request is just as rude as someone guilt tripping you into switching. Be a human, consider the request. It might even be a better seat, or save you from sitting next to a child or baby that only has one parent to keep them quiet. Parents are not asking to switch just for their own benefit – it’s to everyone’s benefit that a small child is kept occupied by both parents.
Also, I hate the airlines for trying to make bank off families like this. The fees can be incredibly steep to select your own seats, and they aren’t transparent when choosing flights. I’ve even paid for seats and had them not be honored on the day. It makes for a ridiculously stressful booking experience for parents.
No it’s not. It doesn’t matter what the reason is or if you have no reason at all. No means no. And yes, poor planning is not my problems.
I select specific flights because I want specific seats. If you can’t or won’t do the same that is not my problem.
I need to download that Family Guy clip so I can play it next time I’m asked to switch.
I traveled many times when my kids were babies. Like over 100 times. Not once did we ask anyone to switch. Ever. Because we plan ahead. And pay extra for seat assignments.
The thing is that this isn’t always the result of poor planning. Airlines do a terrible job of ensuring children are seated with their guardians. They’re known to randomly change even paid seat assignments (I get it, if the plane changes the seats sold literally may not exist) and, of course, sometimes families must travel on short notice or get rescheduled due to flight delays and preferred seats are literally not available. Check in desks are understaffed and say talk to the gate agents, gates are unstaffed until boarding when it’s too late, and Flight attendants have 100 more important things to do than fix busted seating assignments.
Asking politely for something reasonable (switch to an equal or better seat – by whatever your definition is – to help everyone get through this flight together) is not rude. Trying to sort out an airline’s unsuitable seating arrangement without the flight attendant is helpful. But yes, no means no and drop it – if the ticketed arrangement is truly unsuitable (umm, you separated a 5 year old into a middle seat without a guardian) you’re going to need to bother that flight attendant after all.
I’m chuckling in that I’m dealing with this scenario on our upcoming holiday visit to my mother IAD-PHX this January. I just scored incredible seats: $195 RT for the three of us including our young daughter for a direct flight United Basic at a good time of day. United autoseated my daughter and me in the back and my wife is left with no seat assignment until check in. Minimum cost to sit together RT is $180.00.
And that’s ok with us. With the United Plus card, I get free checked and carry-on bags plus discount on snacks and drinks. So one of us may get stuck sitting in a middle seat somewhere else on the plane at check-in. My wife is petit so she won’t mind the middle seat plus it’s a 5 hour vacation for her from being pestered by my daughter. For $180, that buys a LOT of fun.
It’s ok, really. My daughter has been taught how to behave during flights so it’s good practice to adulting for her.
And, that is the problem. Far too many would do what you did, trading being seated together to save money, but not have your appropriate attitude. They try to get another to move from a window or aisle seat for the middle, with an attitude that anyone saying no is a jerk. I feel sorry for the family split up by equipment change, missed connections, etc. But, I fear that far too many of the entitled requestors are people who did what you did, but without the attitude they’ll accept the consequences.
Minor clarification: It’s $195RT PP X3 so $585 total which is still a bargain! I suppose I could buy my wife a seat next to us in the back right next to the lav for $44RT but what’s the point? I’m going to play check-in roulette and see what happens.
Family seating together is overrated, I think. For the three of us, we can usually sit together, but not always but if there’s 4 or more, it becomes a logistics issue. Unless you really have open seating due to your seat class, you’re going to need to usually split up a bit in that various row groups get taken.
I chuckle at your apprehension in that we have numerous other examples in society such as this, my biggest gripe is the missing headphone jack thought up by golfing CEO’s and someone here said “Everyone can just buy a bluetooth headset, no problem!” Well, not everyone wants to dump $25 at the airport for lousy cheap bluetooth headsets and the grunt class that gets second hand phones simply won’t bother paying for them or figuring them out so now we have a society where the norm is just blaring the phones on speakerphone. All so some executive could make an extra $300K on his bonus. A-hole.
That said, I don’t think the seat whiner issue is a significant one. I’ve only been asked twice in all my years of flying and even with economy basic, I doubt it happens that often and people adjust. Here’s the best way Stewie could have answered:
“You saved at least $80 by getting an basic ticket, even more. You want my seat? If you’re in the same class as me and the seat isn’t between two sumo wrestlers, why not? Give me $80 and we’ll call it even!”
Fair enough, I’ve offered twice for the benefit of a couple. The first put me in the middle, but reduced the likelihood I be stuck next to the very wide wife. The second was C to D in the same row when I found out the wife was in B. I’ve never been asked, technically. But last year a couple with A and F seats in first took my C seat and offered me F. But, I had the FA approach them, so they never asked me. I refused when the FA suggested their “offer.” I wanted an aisle, like I reserved. The guy in D overheard this and offered to move to F. To this day, I’m pi$$ed off at the couple. But, my new seatmate was certainly a better seatmate than that hubby would have been.
I think it’s fair to say that lots of things happen less frequently than we think. But when they do, they hit social media (i.e., availability bias).
Here’s another scenario; while booking flights with a Canadian airline for a family of four, I had the option of paying for our seats so we would be together and I declined. 24 hours after making our booking, I received an email stating; we see that you are traveling with children, so we went and assigned you seats together. Thank you for flying with us.
Why do we get angry with other people after these massive corporations have attempted to squeeze every last $ out of us? I guess it’s profitable.
And I paid $240 in seat fees so my family could sit together in E+ seats.
So why would I switch?
Sorry if you got bumped. Sorry if the airline messed up your seats. Not my problem.
When our son was little/younger, I refused all requests to swap seats. When he was older and ok sitting by himself, I guided him on switching.
For example, we were flying home from Paris and there was an elderly woman traveling with her 70-ish yo daughter.
Our son was settled in and comfy when I saw the family looking around, (we were in business class) I asked if they needed seats close together. I made my son move (he did it without complaints) as it was the right thing to do for an elderly woman that wanted to be close to her daughter. (Across the aisle)
But there were many times when he was a toddler/elementary school age when I had to be VERY stern with adults that expected him to move so they could sit together.