Hahaha, no I am not talking about an unexpected happy ending. But I did have a massage in Kuala Lumpur that turned out to be a huge load of trouble.
A Regrettable Massage In Kuala Lumpur
I sit most of the day in front of a computer and consequently, often develop muscle knots under my shoulders that need to be ironed out via massage.
I enjoy massages anywhere in the world, but particularly in Southeast Asia, where in places like Bali or Siem Reap or Bangkok you can get superb massages for less than $10/hour. While in Kuala Lumpur I also got a massage, but that turned out to be a big mistake.
I generally prefer a Thai massage over an oil massage. There’s no oil and combining assisted yoga with acupressure techniques, it has been called “the lazy person’s yoga.” I find it more beneficial to my back and shoulders than other types of massages.
Those who have been to Southeast Asia know that there are massage parlors and then there are “massage” parlors, which are often actually brothels. But it’s easy to avoid those. Young women in revealing outfits sitting outside whistling at you? Avoid like the plague!
I was in Bukit Bintang, the shopping and entertainment district of Kuala Lumpur and there was this street with massage parlors on both sides. On the left side, there were “women of the night” standing there in high heels and short skirts trying to woo every passing man inside.
Across the street, were actual massage parlors with older women sitting outside wearing scrubs. These are the massage places you want to visit. But maybe not the one I did (which I won’t name)…
My massage technician was a large older lady and I thought she would be perfect for ironing out my knots. That proved to be the case.
She gave me a wonderful massage, working specifically on the knots. I felt great afterward! She used oil that had a slight coconut scent (yuck), but I didn’t protest.
Next morning, I woke up covered in hives. I suppose it could have been the Taco Bell, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t because the only parts of my body that didn’t have hives were my butt and my member.
The rest of my skin was itchy and got progressively worse. Unfortunately, I was traveling to Tokyo later in the day which made for a very uncomfortable flight and indeed, uncomfortable stay in Tokyo and onward flight to San Francisco.
At Tokyo Haneda Airport, I bought some Benadryl (at least they told me it was Benadryl…) but that did not help.
Three days later, the hives had not improved at all. I consulted my doctor and had to go on a regimen of prednisone, which finally took the hives away.
I’ve gotten a lot of massages over the years and never had anything like this happen. Going forward, I tend to insist on no oil, especially in these cheap places.
CONCLUSION
Massages are a great part of visiting Asia and I look back fondly on all the excellent massages I have enjoyed over the years. While my last massage itself in Kuala Lumpur was just fine, the oil did not react well with my body, producing hives for several days that eventually required prescription steroids to treat.
Watch out for the massage parlors that are not really massage parlors, but also watch out for bad oil…it can be quite distressing.
A few weeks ago, Matthew wrote about a disaster. I wonder if this was it?
Not at all. The real disasters:
https://liveandletsfly.com/homeless-living-hotels/
https://liveandletsfly.com/2023-christmas-reflection/
Even stranger is that your hairstyle turned into exactly Morrissey’s circa the Suedehead period.
That was bedhead. I wasn’t really in the mood to do much with it…
I’d sure like to get my hands on his “member”!
I hear that it is massive!
Yum… getting wet just thinking about it..,
Thank god it’s okay!!!
Contact dermatitis. Poor thing. In Bangkok a salon that French braided my hair also ran a side business with many loud happy endings. The school for the blind is a safe place to receive a massage there.
@Maryland … Only place for hair or massage would be a 5-star hotel , and only in a civilized place , which has a reputational and monetary interest in legitimacy . Southeast Asia has diseases as yet unnamed .
Alert, the hair salon was in a 4 star hotel. and heck no massage for me! I was just getting my long hair off my neck into a braid. I do get massages from licensed physical therapists, what you receive from the blind institute graduates. It is a wonderful program and very safe.
@Maryland … +1 . I agree yours was safe … but SE Asia is generally unsafe overall . I have seen some afflictions which are likely endemic .
Oh brother…
“But maybe not the one I did (which I won’t name)…”
Maybe you should so people can avoid it?
To be honest, I didn’t take a picture or remember exactly which one (it was on a street full of them), but I think it was this one:
Bintang Relax Reflexology
If I didn’t know better, I’d say it’s poison ivy. You must have gotten a plant oil that reacts similarly.
While the meaning of this Coasters song by the same name was something a little more illicit, I think it’s just as fitting when you take a chance on an unknown massage parlor in Asia.
You’re gonna need an ocean of calamine lotion
You’ll be scratchin’ like a hound
The minute you start to mess around
Poison ivy, poison ivy
Late at night while you’re sleepin’
Poison ivy comes a-creepin’ around
Looks like the oil was contaminated!! Ouch nothing with vesicles is a good thing..
I’ll spare you the diagnosis from a staff dermatologist. I prefer Thai massages from the Buddhist monks,the older the better. Only use oils that don’t clog the skin pores such as olive,avocado and grapeseed.
Ha ha..you said huge load.
Despite what massage places try to tell you, massages have no real healing power. They certainly feel good and relaxing but the only reason you feel better is that usually they involve heat and it isn’t much different from soaking in a hot tub, steam room, etc.
I have nothing against them but thinking they really provide any significant long term relief isn’t true.
It does seem that some of these places can knead out the knots.
My wife will only every get a massage at a legit 5-star hotel . Costly , but safe .
Are you really serious that you think that just because they are not brothels they are really trained masseuses? Also, did you expect them to use LeLabo oil? If you want a real massage you should at least get one at a hotel since at least you have a way to complain if something goes wrong? Yes, it is more expensive but at least you avoid these issues or at least minimize them.
I never said they were “trained masseuses” but I’ve had many, many excellent massages over the years. It is hit or miss, but for $5-10/hour, it doesn’t matter. Meanwhile, you’re dropping $100-300/hour at a hotel for a massage. I’d rather take my chances, even after this incident.
I never paid $100/hour for a massage at a hotel in Asia. You just posted how cheap your hotel was in KL so I can’t imagine a massage would cost more than the room . My biggest concern with massages on those cheap places on the street are hygiene and potential injuries due to lack of knowledge from the masseuse. I have had massages where they try to play chiropractor and that can be very dangerous.
@Santastico … In Japan , you can get a karate massage .
LOL! No thanks.
USD85 for a 60-minute massage at Grand Hyatt KL
https://issuu.com/grandhyattkualalumpur/docs/2018_08_30_essa_spa_menu_sst_v1_wf_
Plus tip/service…
$95 for a 90 minute massage at the Park Hyatt Siem Reap last month.
I stayed there too as part of this trip and had an amazing 90-minute massage at one of those places directly across the street. Cost $13.
I’ve given up on hotel massages. Expensive and often not strong enough. Walk five mins in Asia and it’s cheap and usually strong and good.
I wouldn’t be game to get one after dark though!!
I have the same exact problem (tension under the shoulders). It feels so good to have it massaged out. Foam roller good too.
I foam roll every day. It’s a great thing indeed!
I always travel with a tennis ball to work out knots myself after a long flight.
3 big mistakes here, Matthew…
1. Getting a massage anywhere in Asia other than a 5 star hotel, especially from a “large older lady.”
2. Eating Taco Bell (anywhere in the world).
3. Mentioning your “member” — I really didn’t need that visual.
Simply meant to target that it was likely the massage since that part of my body wasn’t touched.
Japan has the best professional strong massages no oil ..clean and usually under $50
@SMR … Certainly cleaner than SE Asia , but they practice their karate on you . ( Ouch )
This is exactly why I hate massages. I only want to be touched when it involves a dinner and eye contact.
And no scented slime
I had the exact same experience one time in Southeast Asia. The rash lasted for weeks. Happened about two years ago, but I don’t even recall which country it was now. But it’s a longshot as I’ve had hundreds of massages in Asia over the years and this was the only time it has happened.
This is paypack for drinking kopi luwak.
I love the magazine placement in the background of the “benadryl” picture lolz.
the only parts of my body that didn’t have hives were my butt and “my member.”
=> Thanks god with was a massage without a happy ending, otherwise difficult to justify toward your spouse 🙂
(Though a “happy ending” is of course possible without hands and oil).
As a gay man often going to Asia, I solely chose old unatractive therapists so as not to be tempted and remain totally focused on the massage, avoiding any phyisical embarrassing reaction.
YOU SHOULD HAVE WENT WITH THE HOOKERS… LESSON LEARNED
Might be some kind of bacterial infection from the oil. Take a warm cleansing shower with an antibacterial soap if that ever happens again. My problem is Food while traveling, I can get food poisoning like I breathe in the air. As far as massages or fish nibbling on my toes, I don’t want it, never will.
We tried the fish nibbling thing in Cambodia. Weird…
I never, ever, ever let anyone put any kind of oil on me for this reason.
I’ve told you before: Benadryl + Tagamet (cimetidine) is vastly more effective than just Benadryl. Try it! You will thank me.
Another recommendation is to visit a mall in Kuala Lumpur and get a massage in one of the massage places there. More expensive than random massage shops in Bukit Bintang, but still cheaper than hotels.
Good to know! Do you know offhand about what an hour costs?