A girlfriend ghosted her boyfriend after he committed the “grotesque” act of ditching her in economy class after being upgraded to business class on Virgin Atlantic. Who is the reasonable one here?
He Scored An Upgrade To Virgin Atlantic Upper Class And Abandoned His Girlfriend In Economy Class – A “Grotesque” Act?
The perennial question comes via a UK Daily Mail “Dear Jane” advice column.
In short, a couple traveled from Los Angeles to London on Virgin Atlantic in economy class. On the way back, the boyfriend–who had bought the tickets–was upgraded to business class. Without hesitation, he ditched his girlfriend in economy class to take the upgrade.
Here’s how he describes it:
My girlfriend and I recently flew from Los Angeles to London and back again for a trip, and something that I did on our return flight has caused her to give me the silent treatment. We’ve been happily dating for over two years but don’t yet live together.
We are in our 20s and I earn quite a bit more money than she does, so when we decided to vacation in London, I offered to pay a larger amount of money toward the flights and hotels. We booked seats in coach.
In the end, the trip was so wonderful that, as we prepared for the return flight (an 11-hour slog), we were already discussing our next visit. But, as we boarded, the attendant who scanned my ticket told me I had been randomly selected for an upgrade and instructed me to follow her to a seat in first class.
I was very excited — I had never flown first class before. I gave my girlfriend a hug, said “see you later” and dashed off to make the most of the experience.
But before I could enjoy my first sip of Champagne, my girlfriend started blowing up my phone with a string of furious texts: “how could you?!”, “I’ll never forgive you for this”, “you’re grotesque”, “I would NEVER do this to you”, and so on.
I texted back apologizing, but explained that I didn’t really see what the big deal was. After all, I’d paid for the lion’s share of the flights and the upgrade was totally random.
He’s not done yet, let’s stop right there.
Whether this actually happened is less important than the theoretical discussion. While Virgin Atlantic does occasionally offer “operational upgrades” to Upper Class (its business class cabin – the carrier has no first class cabin), this is typically based on elite status, not random change (or mentioning “revenue management”)…
But let’s play along and say he got the upgrade while his girlfriend did not. What do you do?
The foundation of any healthy relationship is good communication, so we see a failure immediately…he did not discuss it with his girlfriend. Instead, he just gave her a hug and dashed away…not cool.
He should have given the upgrade to his girlfriend or turned it down. Why? First, because I believe part of being a good partner is dying to yourself for the good of the other…that may be rather antiquated thinking, but if you can pull that off, your relationship will flourish. Love is willing the good of the other and when a man is willing to sacrifice his own comfort for the one he loves, it is a beautiful thing.
Second, because this was not a work trip in which he would be cheating his employer by giving up his business class (booked for him to work and stay productive). Instead, this was a free upgrade.
I suppose he should have tried his luck by asking if his girlfriend could be upgraded too and even if not for free, asked how much it would cost, because he did not want to be separated from her. One time I got an operational upgrade on a Lufthansa
Then lover boy made a bad situation worse by going back and visiting his girlfriend during the flight:
After take-off, I ventured back into the economy section to find her, but she refused to talk to me and wouldn’t even take off her headphones to listen to what I had to say. I didn’t want to make a scene and humiliate myself, so I went back to my seat (and, frankly, I enjoyed it!).
Once we’d landed, I waited for her by baggage claim but, once again, she gave me the silent treatment. She even called her own, separate taxi back to her apartment.
I have called and texted and showed up at her place, but it’s now been days and she still won’t budge. I’m struggling to see what the problem is. I paid more for the flights, I have longer legs and I was chosen for the upgrade. I love my girlfriend very much but now I’m wondering if her crazy reaction is a red flag.
From,
Mile High Dud
This “Mile High Dud” tries every excuse in the book to justify his upgrade: he paid more, he had longer legs, he didn’t ask for it…baloney. It sounds like he did not even wait for her to get off the plane, but went through passport control without her and then looked for her in baggage claim. What a knight in shining armor…
Cardinal rule: don’t rub it in when you have our way…it only makes things worse.
I thought Jane’s response was excellent.
Dear Mile High Dud,
I feel your pain. But I also feel for your girlfriend.
Years ago, the same thing happened to me. My now ex-husband and I were traveling with the kids, in the back of the plane, of course, when an attendant came over to say that one of us had been upgraded.
Now ex-husband…ouch!
My husband jumped up without a second thought, leaving me open-mouthed in shock. As it happens, I had paid for those flights, and that vacation, but somehow he was perfectly fine with swanning up the aisle to first class. There’s no reason why it should have been me rather than him (although, by your calculation, given that I paid, perhaps it should have been me). But I was still furious.
I could see him up front, toasting Champagne with a very glamorous new travel companion, chatting away, not a care in the world. Perhaps I was wrong to be angry. Perhaps your girlfriend is wrong. But whatever happened to good old-fashioned chivalry?
Yes indeed, chivalry is still a thing…a beautiful thing. That’s what my wife wanted and that what many women of noble character seek. It’s not a double standard: it’s an opportunity to show love and loyalty. Women are every bit as smart and capable as men…the issue is that love is tangibly displayed by sacrifice and if you’re in love with someone, you wan the best for them, especially in a situation like this.
Think how far giving her the seat would have gone in showing that he loved her. Think how powerful it would have been to give her the opportunity to turn it down and show that her needs were considered first, but that she did not want to take this chance from him.
I’m sure you’d think nothing of offering your girlfriend the more comfortable seat in a restaurant. So in the same vein, allowing her to enjoy the first-class experience would have been a lovely thing to do. It would have made your girlfriend feel treasured, rather than forgotten about back in coach.
Yep.
I don’t think her reaction is a red flag. If anything, it’s a problem that it never occurred to you to offer her the upgrade. As is the fact you went back to see her and rub salt in the wound. I know we’re living in the age of equality, where men are not supposed to help women with their heavy suitcases, or hold the door open, but frankly, a bit of gentlemanly decency still goes a long way.
I don’t know if there’s a way back for you. But a sincere apology and acknowledgment that it was selfish, and that you will not act this way again, may save the day. If not, please remember this with future girlfriends: however independent they seem, however equal, they all want to be made to feel special.
Indeed.
What do you think about what happened? How would you have handled this situation?
By the way, here’s what she missed onboard the Virgin A350-1000 in Upper Class.
image: Virgin Atlantic
IF IF this was a true story , the girlfriend was correct in severing contact with him .
He blew her off as unnecessary , when she thought herself to be an integral half of a couple .
Myself , considering my women , I would never turn my back on any of them .
Loyalty is a big deal .
But I thought “women” wanted to be treats as equals in every way?
Should she have offered it to him if she was selected?
Sounds like he avoided a lot of future issues with this drama queen and should be thanking VA for saving him time, money and future grief.
The guy will quickly move on and find out what my father told me many years ago….they all have one to stick it in.*
*my father passed long before the current situation where this isn’t always true with the trannys.
So crude, Dave. I’m not deleting the comment, but I sincerely invite you to re-think how you think about women, if you see them as mere objects to engage in congress with.
I think you and Musk are alike in many ways – you think before you talk. Is the idea of dignity and respect dead? I scold you because I believe you are not as bad as you come across sometimes…it’s a compliment.
I didn’t even read his post (but I read your replies first (and then look at the post in question). I always thought his account was made just to troll, is it not?
I have a very simple solution. Take the upgrade with agreeing to switch halfway through the flight… DUH!!!
That’s actually a great compromise.
Most airlines DO NOT allow this.
They are in their twenties, an age when lust can be mistaken for love. I acknowledge some couples make it through this time of growth together, but not all. He had a lesson in manners. Perhaps one day they can rediscover each other, but there’s plenty of time for that. I would just wish them well.
Well-said.
do we have equality among the sexes or do we not?
Both are wrong.
He keeps score too much. He should have paid for both people’s airfare. If the woman wanted to pay for part of the trip, she could pay for the hotel….or pay for daily expenses like handling the cash or restaurants. Basically, either she pays for her airfare or he does, nothing in between.
He should have given her the seat. It might be a new experience for her.
She needs to stop the silent treatment, which is psychological aggression.
Last year, we were both offered premiym economy seats when already on board but declined because there was an empty center row (A330) that allowed lying flat on economy. That’s different from this story.
Hopefully it’s VS7 with the 350-1000 and not VS23 with the 787. Imagine ruining your relationship for herringbone seats.
When a relationship suddenly ends, did both people lose possessions in the other person’s apartment?
…and this is why the companion status match for UA MM has saved marriages. Possibly mine although I may be projecting.
I am a woman and I have given my husband my upgrades.
Why? Because I love him and I want him to have nice things. Because I travel for business, have status and like this boy, ‘earn quite a bit more money’…(really? and you still see no problem?) And I knew I was going to get a LOT more upgrades and better treatment in the future. I knew he would not. I work hard for my family to have nice things. Why is this different?
Ah…. real love!
The key word by you is HUSBAND
while by this “couple” it’s BOYFRIEND
If they are too scared to tie the knot then they are not really in love…
Much ado about nothing.Had they been traveling premium and he was suddenly downgraded to economy,would the relationship have ended? Not much of one in any event.
I suspect that some airlines deprioritise elites for upgrades in order to try and get other pax interested in premium products with which they may be unfamiliar (search the term ‘purgatory’ in the Flying Blue forum on Flyertalk), however this story seems extremely unlikely as it suggests that the guy got a two-class upgrade bypassing premium economy. Goes without saying that, in the unlikely event it’s not all made up, he should’ve discussed/negotiated with the girlfriend
I’m not saying I disagree with you, but your logic is inherently sexist. If you follow your logic, then if she were given the upgrade, she should give it to him as an act of love. The only differentiators here is sex. That’s sexist.
I think this is a tough call because it’s not wrong for him to want to fly up front as well. I think his argument that he paid for everything is sound. He isn’t a road warrior that gets to do it all the time; this sounds like a one time opportunity. She lost nothing and he gained something. As a couple that’s a net positive. Again, I’m not saying I would have done the same thing, but perhaps finding a new partner isn’t such a bad thing for this couple.