A Washington Post producer was arrested for leaving her two kids, aged five months and two years, in a New York City hotel room unattended in a freakish story with an unexpected twist. Is it always unreasonable to leave children unattended in a hotel room?
Couple Leaves Young Children In Hotel Room To Go Out To Eat. Father Dies Of Heart Attack. Mother Arrested For Child Endangerment.
Dax Tejera, a 37-year-old ABC News producer, and his wife Veronica, a 33-year-old Washington Post producer, were staying at the Yale Club in Midtown Manhattan on December 23, 2022. The Yale Club is a private club with hotel rooms for Yale Alumni.
The two decided to go out to dinner and leave their children (the baby was five months old and the toddler two years old) alone in the room. While dining out, Dax had a heart attack. He was rushed to Bellevue Hospital and died.
Veronica texted her parents to go check on the kids, but when they showed up at the Yale Club, the staff reportedly called the cops instead. NYPD arrested Veronica at around 12:20 am on Christmas Eve, then charged her with two counts of “acting in a manner injurious to a child.” The children were released to Veronica’s mother.
Veronica has since released the following statement about this incident:
“My family and I are devastated by Dax’s sudden passing. He has left behind a heartbroken family, and two daughters he loved with all his heart.
“When Dax collapsed on December 23rd, I accompanied him in an ambulance to the hospital. I asked both a close friend and my parents to rush to my children’s hotel room to attend to them as I monitored them by camera. The hotel would not allow my friend in and instead called the NYPD.
“We had two cameras trained on my children as they slept, and I monitored them closely in the time I was away from them. While the girls were unharmed, I realize that it was a poor decision.
“Our family has suffered a terrible tragedy. I respectfully ask for privacy while my children and I mourn Dax’s death.”
Feel free to call me horrible, but I just don’t have a problem with the actions of the Tejeras. Veronica was monitoring them constantly on her phone. She was at a restaurant nearby. It was late the kids were sleeping.
Oh, but they could have wandered off. Oh, but they might have injured themselves.
Yes, life is full of risks, and taking a calculated risk does not make you a bad parent.
That said, this world thinks differently (perhaps rightfully so) and although my wife and I have considered it, we will not put our professional licenses in jeopardy by leaving our kids unattended in a hotel room…precisely because of overreactions like this.
I still think the risk is far overblown and I think the reaction is quite pathetic here if the Yale Club called the cops instead of letting a family member or close friend upstairs.
But let this be a lesson to all of us: as tempting as it is, it is simply not worthwhile to leave your young children unattended, especially if you leave the building.
CONCLUSION
This is really a sad story, primarily because of the unexpected death of 37-year-old Dax, but also because of Veronica’s added trauma of being arrested and booked (trauma the children had to undergo as well). Sometimes, even though we mean no harm, we can find ourselves in trouble. This story is a good reminder that even when tempted and even when we take precautions like leaving FaceTime on, we should not leave our kids alone in a hotel room.
image: @daxtejera / Instagram
Blaming the wrong person. Staff has a RESPONSIBILITY to contact the police to not only protect themselves, not also the corporate assets of their employer.
They made the easy and correct call in this case with the notification of the Police.
And you are correct in the summary….NEVER leave young kids alone in a hotel room.
You wouldn’t leave your children unattended and risk your professional license? Holy crap dude! Wow.. your parent of the year!
The biggest fears of leaving my kids alone in a hotel room are:
1) If there’s a fire or any other type of situation where they need to evacuate immediately.
2) Somebody entering the room and abducting them. This includes hotel staff, and the threat rises if you’re more rich/famous, as they could see it as a ransom opportunity.
But all that being said… a healthy looking 37 year having a heart attack raises questions.
2 happened in 2007 in Portugal, where parents did the same thing, child has never been seen since
An impossible situation for her. When first reported, it was possible to speculate she was distraught after his death and left them to blow off steam, etc.
Very different actual story and they made a call with good intent.
Oh wait, they left them to have dinner. Well that’s different than leaving them to take him to the hospital.
I think you’re off base in thinking there’s nothing wrong with what they did. Would she have left her home and left them unattended and just watched on a camera? This was a horrendous lapse in judgement as a parent just for a dinner out.
her parents lived close enough to check on kids so why wouldnt they just have kids stay with grandparents? or have a grandparent come over so they can go out?
When we travel we pay for our nanny or my mom to come with us. BTW my mom is happy to do so as she goes to sleep at the same time as the kids anyway. Its costly to do this but if you want to go out and have adult dinners then thats the price you need to pay.
Madeleine McCann, anyone?
If you went to Yale and can afford to travel to New York and have what presumably was a ‘nice’ dinner in a ‘nice’ restaurant, it seems to me you might consider the cost of a few hours of childcare money well-spent.
I don’t really understand the concept of ‘calculated risk’ in a situation like this. The probability of a crisis situation may be very low, but the impact if it occurs is incredibly high – as this story proves. The tradeoff may make sense in some other contexts, such as choosing an ‘adventurous’ travel destination, but when it comes to ***entirely avoidable risks*** with one’s own children, I’d choose risk-avoidance without question,
The Yale Club did not overreact, and while these children have undoubtedly been traumatized by everything that transpired, the fault for that does not lie with the Club.
The ‘calculated risk’ could very well be their parents calculating the risk of someone entering their locked hotel room to kidnap the kids as lower than some babysitter they do not know doing said kidnapping. It’s not that easy.
Tremendous point.
Depends on the age and overall situation. I’ve left mine for brief periods, but they are *much* older than this.
This situation is awful all around.
This is a big grey area. Chances are that everything is fine. Kids are ultimately built to survive. Nonetheless, if something does go wrong, like SIDS, you have to realize you’re going to get crucified for your decision.
The parents staying in the room would not have made a difference for SIDS.
Valid. That still doesn’t keep people from being roasted heavily when they’re absent while their child dies.
Kids are ultimately built to survive?
No, that’s why they have parents
If the parents would leave them completely unattended for multiple hours then you are absolutely correct. That doesn’t seem to be the case in this scenario.
2 year old and five month old baby humans need older caretakers to avoid being derivative damage from any Social Darwin awards due the parent(s).
A two year old toddler can be an accidental deadly threat to an unattended five-month old baby and/or herself/himself. And typical NYC hotel rooms tend to be a poorly secured place with regard to child safety measures.
Even some five year olds can’t be left unattended for ten minutes without there being risk of a problem, but negligent parents may be so clueless that they assume that what worked for them before (either as a child or with another child) works for all (when it really doesn’t). I have seen some very clever two year olds in my time, but I have yet to meet one that I deem mature enough to be trusted with the care of an unattended five month old baby. And I’m saying this having seen my share and then some of some Icelandic parents letting their two year olds out lose around neighborhoods and way too many Swedish parents leaving their infants unattended in strollers outside homes, schools, restaurants, cafes, bars and even stores. [Interestingly, some of the Swedish parents doing this stuff are shocked even by the roaming which some Icelandic parents let their two year olds do.]
I more or less agree with your overall premise. I never said that I thought this was a good idea, simply that kids are tougher than many people realize and that the odds of something critically bad happening to the kids in this specific instance was low.
Ugh, what an awful story! And it makes the anti-vaxx people go crazy with their #diedsuddenly. Minus the heart attack aspect, it reminds me of the Swedish “Mother who left baby outside New York restaurant in 1997 says arrest was unjust” and of Maddy McCann (minus the kidnapping).
I believe she was a Danish. Could have been Swedish. Was an actress or model. She was doing what every Danish mother does…they eat in cafes and shop and leave their babies in the stroller outside to sleep in the fresh air. Walk around CPH and you will see many strollers parked outside with babies in them. Perfectly normal and this woman was baffled when arrested. Americans are just too hung up on being so overly protective and judging others for their parenting.
I agree. As a half Swede and now living in the US for nearly 25 years, we do have a high degree of helicoptering, including myself. I remember spending time in Sweden with my cousin we were 6/7 years old stayed home alone while his mom went to work. We would bike to soccer practice and then around town, fix our own food. My parents had a lot less helicoptering even while growing up in bRasil, not the safest haven around.
There have been at least a few of these instances in East Coast states, with at least two getting some major press. It’s more typically been Swedish parents than Danish parents facing legal trouble for it in the US, but there are instances of both doing it across the country, but primarily in the Eastern states of the US.
It’s not just the Swedish that does so. In Germany, it too is normal to leave your young children unattended. In elementary school I biked all seasons of the year to the next village to my sport’s club often in the evening and in the dark, not to mention all my trips to school alone on foot and the numerous times I’d be sent down to the bakery alone – both a good 30 minutes away from where we lived. It was utterly normal, as all other kids were doing the same. Ditto for leaving children unattended in hotel rooms etc. My parents would often go down to dinner in a hotel in Europe and leave my (much younger) sister behind in her toddler years when she was sleeping – monitored by a camera and with a walky-talky type of device. And they were not the only one. MInd you, the hotels always provided an enclosed, unclimbable crib effectively trapping my little sister while she was sleeping. And I’m told they did the same to me when I was her age….And the vast majority of us survived unmolested. A much higher proportion – but still not many – managed to end up in hospital in their late teens / early twentys, mostly due to excessive alcohol consumption and subsequent accidents…
Ask Eric Clapton – his ex left his son unattended on a high floor, and workmen arrived to replace the plate glass window without knowing the child was there. The boy ran straight through the empty window
Incorrect, a housekeeper opened a window. Still a tragic accident but not a similar situation.
@matthew, you need to correct the intro line, she is not the ABC News producer.
Was she arrested for leaving them to have dinner in the hotel, or arrested for leaving the hotel to go to the hospital. What is the definition of unattended? If she can see them at all times and can reach them within 5 minutes, is that unattended?
You don’t know what the word “unattended “ means?
Please be sterile
It’s difficult to believe a couple with responsible employment would be so foolish as to place a dinner above the health & safety of such young children. Monitoring using technology is for the home. Hotels can find sitters and the second part of of this sad story would never have happened.
While there is greater societal acceptance for biological fathers, regardless of socio-economic status, to do stupid things with regard to child safety, there is both less societal acceptance and less expectation that biological mothers do the same. The so-called “raven mothers” exist across the socioeconomic spectrum, but the authorities tend to believe that the more extreme child negligence problems are to be found at the lower end of the socioeconomic spectrum and thus usually give higher income and higher net worth biological mothers more of a pass (or a defense) when it comes to investigating allegations of gross neglect suggested against a mother.
It’s unwise and dumb to leave your kids unattended even if they are in a crib and can’t come out. It might be ok if the couple were having dinner in a restaurant within the hotel as opposed to a steakhouse nearby. Was it across the street and the parents could be there in 60 seconds plus the elevator ride or stair climb or was it 5 minutes away?
Whatever the case should it be a criminal offense: no. Putting aside that government should not be telling us how we can and can’t raise our kids no matter the outcome as parental rights should be absolute, this is a clear case where discretion should be applied. With the kids being monitored at all times by a camera and being I assume in a crib that can’t be climbed out of, it’s not endangerment per say. There is a good argument the continuous monitoring is completely different than leaving kids unattended. The cops could have not been robots for the police state and used discretion.
The Post says she was given a desk appearance ticket and released. At least there was sensibility in this and this is a situation that speaks to the ridiculousness of requiring bail for minor crimes. This is one area the changes to policy made by De Blasio make sense. The government and police state shouldn’t be taking people anywhere to wait for a court appearance which can take 2 days over minor crimes.
37 is statistically abnormal for the event he had. We’ve seen a spike in these type of sudden cardiac deaths since the Covid vaccine. Denying the risks of a vaccine is denying reality. We can discuss if the risks are outweighed by the benefit but to gas light that the vaccines are risk free is junk science and politics.
@amy fischer Your post is suggesting *parental rights should be absolute* . Well in that case may I suggest you support the right to choose and fight to overthrow the recent supreme court decision. (Dobbs). Heaven forbid that pesky *police state* protect kids against the tin foil hat pack.
Either we own our kids or the government does. I don’t support a world in which the government can seize kids from their own parents because bureaucrats, politicians, academics, and statists don’t like how you raise them. Parents are the creators of their children, not the public or government. They should be able to decide until a kid is old enough to articulate a wish to be elsewhere. Naturally, all who support freedom don’t recognize any court decision or court as legitimate that goes against freedom and consider those who enforce those decisions criminals. If on a jury I would vote not guilty.
She might not be a fit parent but that doesn’t mean the government should get involved. It’s not your kids. It’s not the government’s kids unless you support the idea of slavery and that we belong to the government. I’m sure you’d have no problem with teachers taking kids to drag shows.
Human kids aren’t property. They are neither owned by the parents nor by the government. Any parents who think the children are property of the parents should be considered as more likely to be unsuitable parents and thus subject to consideration for pulling their parental custody of children.
Children (human beings) are not recognized as property in civilized states. And they are not property of the parents.
Ignore Amy. Biden and Trump and covid occupy far too much real estate in her head for the rest of her brain to be rational.
Spot on Amy. We have seen a dramatic increase in sudden death/unexplained deaths and a dramatic increase in heart related deaths. In addition, how do you explain that we currently have 440,000 excess deaths? This cannot be explained away. It is time to face reality.
Unfortunately, too many parents are unwilling to be inconvenienced in their lives by their children.
This “worst case” scenario is *precisely* what babysitters are for, even with older children. We didn’t leave our kids alone without a babysitter (at home or in a hotel) until we were comfortable that both of our children were sufficiently mature to be able to call for help in case something happened to the other child.
Covid shot are at blame in many of these cases.
This post is ridiculous… before you post stuff like this, do your research.
1. What if there was a fire?
2. Google Madeline McCann, this will clear it up for you
disgusting overreaction on the part of the government. haven’t they suffered enough?
Too bad he died. He was hot.
Willfully leaving a two year old alone with a five month old baby doesn’t make sense even when it’s related to going to a hospital for a life and death emergency.
A two year old child is not in a position for taking responsibility and providing care for a potentially screaming baby. And a two year old child can land themselves in a lot of harm that can’t be prevented by a de facto security camera monitored by a person away from the building.
I get it that in cold weather in an emergency, it may be less than ideal to go back to get the children and rush to a hospital, but then at least make an immediate plea for help so someone gets to the children ASAP to stay with them and to do so before leaving the site.
It truly doesn’t take a lot for a two year old to hurt themselves or a baby to such extent that this mother could have ended up with a child losing her/his life while the father was losing his.
Which miles blogger was it that left a kid in the hotel room with facetime turned on while he and wife went to the restaurant to eat?
Yes. I confess.
How old was the unattended child at the time?
At five years of age, I could be trusted to know how to handle myself and even a 2 year old in case of an emergency if left unattended. At 2-3 years of age, could I be reasonably trusted to reliably manage another 2-3 year old (let alone a five month old baby)? No way.
I think parenting skills are so awful nowadays that it begs the question why licensing to drive a car but not licensing to have a right to child custody. And high income parents are no better than other parents with pulling their heads out of their electronics and instead adequately engaging with the children in such a way that child safety/security isn’t the casualty.
When my oldest was 5-6 months old. We did it for a bit in 2017, but then decided to stop, out of an abundance of caution, and have not done it since.
https://liveandletsfly.com/facetime-babysitter/
So a five month old baby in a secure crib with no escape while you monitor with a camera no further than 2 minutes away?
That’s quite different than leaving a two year old unattended with a five month old baby while several minutes or more away.
Did CPS (or the equivalent) come chasing after you after that blog article?
Yea, only two minutes away, until a fire breaks out, or an elevator gets stuck, or the floor is closed off, or the power goes out.
Asinine
@ Jaooj: Let’s just all stay home. Driving is too unsafe. So is flying. Even walking. We might get eaten by a mountain lion or catch the corona if we don’t wear our mask outdoors. One can’t be too careful these days.
@ GUWonder: thankfully, no call from CPS.
“ Yea, only two minutes away, until a fire breaks out, or an elevator gets stuck, or the floor is closed off, or the power goes out.”
Even inside some homes, those problems can arise. People live by taking sensible precautions to mitigate risk. Expensively pursuing to eliminate risk is generally not going to be considered sensible, and thus we don’t eliminate driving, electricity, heaters, pools, bath tubs, kitchens and laundry rooms.
OK, you’re horrible.
Anybody who leaves such young kids alone in a hotel room has completely abdicated their parental responsibilities. Cameras? You’re f*cking kidding me.
I’m sorry for the family’s loss, but that has nothing to do with this whatsoever. The woman’s social media press release is willfully deceptive and shows she simply does not get it, and is not accepting responsibility. Look, she’s trying to obfuscate the fact that both parents abandoned their children, by making it appear at first glance that she left the kids alone in order to ride in the ambulance to the hospital with her spouse. I call bullshit on this nonsense. Look:
“When Dax collapsed on December 23rd, I accompanied him in an ambulance to the hospital. I asked both a close friend and my parents to rush to my children’s hotel room to attend to them as I monitored them by camera.”
Bullsh!t, bullsh!t, bullsh!t. The unfortunate death of her husband has nothing to do with this (other than her play for sympathy). She (and her late husband) both abandoned the kids to go have a meal. That’s the issue, nothing about hubby’s demise or the ride to the hospital.
This is not complicated. This woman is not fit to be a parent. She should be prosecuted accordingly, without regard to the sad demise of the father.
She’s a liar, too. Feel sad for the kids.
Fair points, but I’d ask the gentleman to watch his language.
Perhaps a future post about hotel sitters is in order? Perhaps some would find it useful?
Thoughts occur that her cavalier attitude indicates this was an acceptable alternative to a sitter. Ugh. I think of single struggling parents who have left children in vehicles to work to earn dinner and have been prosecuted and vilified. To want a luxury dinner and abandon your kids is another level of irresponsibly.
I have reason to think this happens more widely than is generally acknowledged and that wealthier parents can believe that higher end hotels or nicer neighborhoods are safer and thus leave the children unattended while they go off to socialize at dinners when unable or unwilling to have a babysitter work out before heading out for a night on the town.
The level of wisdom is not a function of marital status, nor of income, nor even of breeder/parental status.
it seems to be a matter of cultural reference. I noticed i societies that have tighter extended family structures leaving kids unattended is unthinkable. Low or high income.. its just not done.
Book Her Danno!!
“While the girls were unharmed, I realize that it was a poor decision.”Oh really???? Who leaves small children “attended” by a camera and go out for dinner? I only used cameras to watch my kids sleeping while I was inside the same house in a different room. And she is blaming the hotel? “Hey, I am a friend and want to enter the room and check the kids.” Seriously? Unfortunately she will have to double her attention to the girls now that her husband is gone.
Let me say that in European hotels, especially resort properties, it has been quite common to request baby monitors for rooms so that kids can sleep and parents can dine in a restaurant. Americans are way too crazy with these “rules.” Heck, in Denmark mothers leave their babies in strollers outside while they eat so the baby will sleep in fresh air. It’s considered perfectly normal. Americans are way too hung up on the most trivial things.
With the advent of cameras and apps there is no reason two parents can’t go downstairs to the restaurant in the hotel and eat. No, they should not go two miles away…but an elevator away is not all that different than what you do at home.
I am in Copenhagen and Stockholm a lot. Danes are much less likely than Swedes to leave babies unattended in strollers while going into a restaurant/cafe/bar/store within ten minute walks of the major train stations in the capital cities, and the practice is becoming less common than it used to be in both places.
I think it negligent to leave a five month old baby unattended outside in a stroller while the parent is inside for an hour to hang out with their adult buddies. More often than not, the five month old child is not strapped down. And a five month old can suddenly realize it’s possible to roll over and pull itself over an edge … and then there is a chance for a skull fracture and accompanying damage. Of course when living in a social welfare state like those in Scandinavia, the costs of having an injured child get spread across society as a whole and thus there be may a bit of a moral hazard dynamic to the whole thing.
I have spent a lot of time in Denmark working with Lego. I am amazed at first with the size of the strollers, they are huge! And. as well, the number of them left outside at cafes. I see them everywhere, perhaps I am in different neighberhoods. Especially in the winter when Danes feel children should sleep a bit each day outside wrapped upv- for health benefits – and, because, really, they are far more in danger of virus contraction indoors during the winter months. This is sensible stuff. Not senseless in clutching at your child to protect them from the unknown.
Wait— the main concern is you and your wife are putting your professional licenses at jeopardy? That’s the why not? Forget the fact that your liberty with leaving a child alone…how about the simple reality that a five year old should not be left unattended…
But nope, it’s the professional license at stake that influences your decision to not leave your kiddos alone… Bless your heart.
You’ve said some stupid crap in the past and were rightfully drag by Victoria Walker via Twitter, but this one takes the cake.
Yes, because my six year old is just fine alone. And he should be able to walk around the block too without a nosy neighbor reading me the riot act. Mind your own business, hold me accountable if something happens, but don’t impose your helicopter parenting on me. No thanks. I find it deplorable.
You know your six year old child’s capabilities with a smart phone and iPad better than the general public. Some 6 year old children are much more capable and mature than other children the same age or even older and can thus be allowed more freedom with less comprehensive supervision than other young children. Unfortunately, people with poor judgment often are poor judges about what is appropriate and not since they have failed to properly assess their own child’s capabilities and maturity in assessing a situation and taking due action.
Good for you, Matthew. Parenting these days has truly become absurd in the U.S. Most based on what is considered “proper” and not based on any actual data other than a few random stories. As you point out, helicopter versions of guidance are just wrong. No wonder so much of our youth end up dependent, on medication, and lack social skills. Do accidents happen? Yes. Accidents can happen anywhere at anytime even with parents hovering over their child. The reality is that we can’t control everything. But we CAN control giving our child a feeling of independence that will help them grow to become more confident and sure as adults. The same parents that guard their child’s every move are often the same parents that give them an iPhone and TV remote and go in the other room and ignore them at home. Perhaps one day they will realize how much more dangerous this is to their well-being.
This comes down to how much you value your children. Mine are held most dear and most precious to me. I refuse to trust that a hotel door is enough to protect them.
The other week my wife checked in very late at a reputable hotel. The room she was assigned had some problems so she asked for a different room. She entered the new room to find someone asleep in bed, that person didn’t even wake up. Do you really trust that a front desk person won’t mess up like that while you’re out? This isn’t about helicopter parenting, this is about doing the right thing. And the right thing is to stay close to your valuables
I respect caution. But I also know that if you are in your own house and in another area it’s also perfectly easy for a person to walk into your back door whilst you wear headphones and go to your child’s room and you will never know. At least in the case of a hotel room the parent (I would at least say me as a parent) would absolutely have cam and be monitoring. If someone walked in the room accidentally (as in your wife’s case) I would be up to the room in a matter of 2-3 minutes. Not so different from home. Again, it’s funny, as European hotels have quite often provided parents simple baby monitors for sound and no one bats an eye at this practice.
The reality is that anything can happen anywhere. I have never had any guest accidentally walk into my room like your wife experienced, and I spend 300 nights a year in hotels. But, of course, anything is possible. Just as anything is possible at home, in the car, walking down the street, eating at a restaurant. At what point do we hold them so tight and close that they never understand or learn to be less dependent? I am convinced that this is at the very root of so many issues facing youth today. They just have no clue how to act alone. They have no social skills. And have not experience how to survive outside the internet. What kids need these days is less helicopter parenting, more freedom, and parents to stop letting them live their lives on devices. Want to be a good parent? Take away the TV and limit the phones. Simple. That’s the problem. I am more afraid of the nefarious influence of devices than I am of my child sleeping in a room at a hotel with a camera on them while I am downstairs eating dinner. Clearly, we have it all backwards.
So easy to have avoided the whole situation.
1. Travel with your nanny
2. Any hotel worth staying at can arrange a sitter with proper notice.
3. If 1 or 2 is not an option.. stay in.
It’s amazing that it takes more preparation, and learning to get a drivers license versus having a kid. The window has my sympathies for her loss, not for choosing to leave their kids unattended.
Do you sit in your child’s room at home and watch their every move as they sleep? If so, it’s you that needs a lesson in parenting. Setting up a camera in a hotel room and going downstairs to the restaurant is perfectly acceptable and no different than if you were at home. Anything can happen anywhere. The time it would take to get to the room is barely different than if you were at home. In fact, you are probably far more attentive to the cam at the hotel than you would be at home. This is so telling as to why our youth today are becoming so dysfunctional as adults. We train them to think this way.
Aren’t you the same Stuart that applied for fraudulent PPP loans a few years ago just to fund your extravagant and unnecessary international travel and frequent stays at the Park Hyatt in Vienna?
I hardly think you represent a moral compass on this or any other topic. You’re an expert and doing what is comfortable vs. doing what is right.
Indeed! Legitimate PPP loans were fantastic. My 30 employees thank you for not being laid off during that time. Loans which I applied for and that ultimately saved my ability to never furlough a single person. As well I used points at the PH Vienna at the time. Also to fly there. All of this to survive, save employees from being laid off, and to cut travel expenses the first six months of Covid when business was tanking. Any other questions? Or should I refer you to my accounting firm for numbers. Or perhaps parental guidance?
No need. You have been under investigation for several years now for fraud and tax evasion. If our office needs anything from you or your firm, you will be issued a subpoena.
Tiffany @ OMAAT once thought like you, but you’ll notice she has been rather quiet for some time now. It is difficult to contribute to a blog from prison.
Oh yes, Wade, lol. I’m anxiously awaiting your investigation. Good stuff! See you in Vienna!
But you’re there , and say, the power goes out. Or one of them chokes on something ( kids seem to like to put things they find in their mouths). It looks like they both have pretty good jobs-Jesus Christ man, just hire a sitter! Your kids safety is at stake!
@Stuart, how about across the street? Or around the block? What if it’s 10 blocks away, but you can quickly call a cab and be there in 5 minutes? Where is the line? I tell you were. You don’t leave them alone in the room. That’s why we have laws for this kind of stuff. They’re there so that people who don’t have the minimum IQ and emotional intelligence to raise children have an instructions manual.
This take is not wrong and I agree with most of it. Society helicopter-parent children too much and they go as adults into the real world never having been told they suck and expecting trophies from their boss for showing up to work. However, leaving a 5 month old and a 2 year old alone is inexcusable. The age and maturity line may be blurred in generally, but 5 month old and 2 year old kids are definitely on the wrong side of that line. This was just irresponsible parenting from people who clearly aren’t mature enough to have had children. You think nothing can go wrong and you have all basis covered, until something does goes wrong. And something did go wrong here. A hotel fire is no different than any other emergency, like, a heart attack. These parents put themselves and their children in that situation by choice.
To me there are really only two considerations in such a situation:
(1) can the parents reasonably be expected to respond to their monitored children in a sufficient timeframe
(2) what conditions were the children left in the room
We always had monitors.
We used to get adjoining rooms, and certainly left the kids in the other room.
I’d have no concern about being in the room next door, or even a few rooms away.
When it comes to going to dinner… that depends on the scenario. I’ve stayed in hotels where I could be back in the room in under 20 seconds if needed. I’ve also stayed in huge hotels where the restaurant could be on-site but a 10 minute walk (anyone been to the Opryland hotel?)
At some point, and judgment will vary on this… you are just too far away. I guess the cops felt she was too far away.
Thank goodness the kids were okay.
I’m late to the party, but I thought I’d share this story first, enjoy. My Ukrainian-born wife in Lviv at the age of 6 was left alone in the apartment by her parents and two crooks pretending to be mechanics knocked on the door and she let them in. They didn’t find anything to steal and left. Around that time, they took her on the public bus to kindergarten and back and the next day, put her on the public bus alone expecting her to know when to get off and waved goodbye to her. She survived (apparently.)
Now about this case: There’s common sense and the law and we can quibble about both, but if I were to do such a thing, and I probably wouldn’t but in theory, if I did, I’d have backup plans up the wazoo: I’d have the relatives have a hotel room key in case they needed to go there for emergencies such as this and for heaven’s sake, I would tell them they need to go to the room to “get valuables”, not “there are unattended but monitored kids in there” and I’d have all that planned beforehand.
“To be with another woman, that is French. To get caught, that is American!” — Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
This is completely inexcusable. Leaving the hotel?? No way. I’m a parent of 4, now that my youngest are 13 (twins) they’re clearly able to be on their own. In a very public place like a hotel there’s just no way…. How many people have keys that can open my room, housekeeping, front desk, maintenance, security, and would I trust my must precious things to those people? No way.
I am so very sorry for this young family that they lost their husband and dad. And I hope that they go easy on this mom with these charges. But this was a clear choice they made to leave, not some tragic mistake or oversight. This was not ok
One major reason I would not do this is if there is a fire alarm (which isn’t exactly uncommon in a hotel) you attempting to go back upstairs will present a challenge – the lifts won’t work and you’ll be trying to go upstairs against flow of people. If the FD are in attendance you’ll raise red flags with them and could end up reported to the authorities. I wouldn’t leave them until I was confident they knew what to do if there was a fire and would be able to safely evacuate themselves down to you without raising any eyebrows
I did leave my tiny baby sleeping whilst I went to the lobby to collect an Uber Eats but I figured I could leg it back up the 2 flights stairs before anything really happened if I was unlucky enough to experience an alarm in those seconds!
I wonder what these two asses would have done if the child(ren) woke up and started crying, scared of being in an unfamiliar setting with neither parent around to attend to them. Presumably stared at their screaming babies on their phones while enjoying their wine and steaks, waiting for the crying to stop. Disgusting.
Kids of these ages are waaaaaaaay too young to be anywhere alone, but especially in a hotel room.
It is a horrible tragedy, this story. It was worth your time and energy writing about it. Three things are abundantly clear:
•The parents made a truly horrible mistake, one that I strongly believe no person should ever make,
•The mother understands the gravity of what she put her family through, should pay the price for it, and will never make that mistake again, and
•The mother should not be blamed for the tragedy regarding the kids’ father.
I agree with you, Matthew, that taking a calculated risk doesn’t make you a bad parent. Where I’m not in agreement is at what point the risk should be made.
It’s clear that you’ve put a great deal of thought into this post and believe that your position comes from a good place. I respect the decision you’d make, to not do this to your own children, but do not respect your reason. I’m not certain, after reading your post, that I can confidently tell anyone I come into contact with that you are a responsible, mature father. I know you love your wife and children, but I question your judgment. No, you wouldn’t make this specific mistake, but you didn’t rule out that you might take a similar risk if the odds of you
getting caught and losing your licenses
were lower.
Leaving an infant alone with a two year old is never acceptable behavior. I ask you this question:
Do you trust Yale Club staff, whom you do not know on a personal level, to watch your young children? I would never do this. I don’t blame the mother for the heart attack, but I blame both parents for what they put their children through. Yes, this could have happened at any time, and no, it’s not fair to blame the parents for the heart attack and that they weren’t there to sooth them, but do judge them for the fact that the reason for this was not only preventable but grossly irresponsible.
The mother does not deserve to be prosecuted for the death of the father. She does, however, deserve to be prosecuted for endangering her children. To be blunt, Matthew, if you endangered your children in a similar way, regardless of how you justified it, I would wish you and your wife prosecuted as well. I would be very sad about it, I would cry because you have many good qualities and I know you are capable of being a good parent, but it should not be made clear to society that abandoning your children (which the parents didn’t do intentionally, but did recklessly) is acceptable. I agree that this alone does not automatically make them bad parents, and I have no doubt that Veronica will rightfully carry this guilt with her for the rest of her life. That, not the loss of licenses or being jailed, is why I would never engage in such an action.
I am so sorry for what has happened. I am sorry that their father suffered a grave and fatal heart attack. I am sorry that the children didn’t have their parents to comfort them in their time of need. I am sorry that the reason for my second statement could and should have been prevented. I am sorry that the children, once they’re old enough to understand what happened, will have to come to terms with their mothers’ irresponsibility and may require therapy for this. Most of all, I am sorry that because of what I strongly believe to be a poorly calculated risk, the mother will have to live with a guilt that I couldn’t bear to put on my conscience for the rest of her life.
Matthew, I do not call you horrible, but I would judge you if the same situation happened in your family. I would have allowed the friend and grandparents to visit the children, but do fully agree with prosecuting the mother, and I hope that she is appropriately, but not unduly, punished for her actions (which, I will add, would mean that I hope she is imprisoned, but not for so long that she must rot there). I am grateful that the children are in the loving care of the grandparents.
1. There are people here who actually DEFEND parents for leaving a an infant and toddler in a hotel room. Yes, you read that correctly, insanity has taken over as people defend leaving baby and kid alone in a hotel room.
AND
2. Get ready for this…There are people here who actually DEFEND parents for leaving a an infant and toddler in a hotel room.
That is ALL there is to say
OK, one more thing.
I bet the people who say it’s OK to engage in child abandonment are for the most part single.
I bet the people who say it’s OK to engage in child abandonment are for the most part human scum.
We are reptilian.
Interesting statement because “child abandonment” is perfectly legal in the USA, for custodial parents provided they utilize an official “safe haven” location within the appropriate time frame (as low as 3 days in some states, as long as a month in others.) The proponents of such laws claim it has saved thousands of lives because otherwise the parents would have murdered them. What this means is that ALL states have legalized infant abandonment provided, of course, they are relinquished to state care or adoption.
Then of course, the state sometimes rewards parents who don’t give up their kids, but actually use them to collect benefits. One of my ex-girlfriends was an attorney and property manager and rented out Section 8 housing and it wasn’t uncommon for them to time the births of their children to avoid benefits expiring. The first Monday of the month when the checks arrived was jokingly called (by the beneficiaries) “Mother’s Day.”
The exploitation of abandonment of children, sadly, isn’t unprecedented in history. Until a century or so ago, child labor was common (google “the breaker boys coal”) and I drove with my parents past a large shale pile in Scranton, PA created by 10 year old boys who were shackled to a bench and sort the shale from the coal.. Abraham Lincoln famously resented his father forcing him to do menial work and give the proceeds over to him which he later incorporated into his repugnance with the concept of slavery.
People throughout time and history, sadly, would put the interests of their children secondary to their own personal desires whether it was having procreative activity for the “fun” of it with people who are obviously not parent material, putting their personal lives ahead of the best interests of their children such as their career and such, or even someone to bully. In my own personal dating, I rarely met someone who rewarded reliable father tendencies as something they were attracted to but rather status, “fun”, or wealth. My wife was griping the other day I didn’t do enough as a father (and granted, she does more than me, BUT she wants to decide a lot of the parenting choices) and said “All you’re good for is money!” and I responded that she, like most of her friends, wouldn’t marry someone who wasn’t “good for money.” That ended that argument quickly.
Matthew, re “I just don’t have a problem with the actions of the Tejeras”, your judgement is usually excellent. In this case it couldn’t be more WRONG.
Small children require constant and instantly available attention. There are a million different problems that would be trivial if IMMEDIATELY attended to by an adult but significant, if not life threatening, if not attended to immediately. You mentioned your wife (nurse), it’s doubtful she agrees with your judgement (and not out of concern for her professional license).
Please tell us how your and your wife’s professional licenses would be jeopardized by such behavior In NYS I do not think a doctor’s license is affected by domestic or child neglect issues, perhaps short of a felony conviction.
Please learn from the NOT “overreactions” and revise your assessment of such behavior.
We are going to sit down and talk about this today. My wife, being German, is actually far more laid back than I am. But these comments have been great – we will take them to heart and discuss. Bottom line is that we don’t do it anymore.
This is an all around bad take on parenting. That’s why we have laws against leaving children that young unattended. This was completely reckless. And no, hiring a babysitter to watch your kid while you go have dinner is not helicopter parenting.
I’m a Matthew fan girl, but we disagree on this one! I think it is *always* unacceptable to leave kids unattended in a hotel room. They are not equipped to handle unexpected situations that might arise. I’m sure some probably called me a helicopter parent and I don’t care. My kids are my greatest treasure and I’ll always sacrifice to try to protect them.
That’s a fine position to hold and I understand it. But I also hope you can understand my kids are also an immeasurable treasure and I will also always sacrifice to try to protect them…by empowering them to be independent and think critically from a very young age (I speak well beyond the context of leaving them in a hotel room).
You seem to contradict yourself. You say you speak well beyond leaving them in a hotel room and that definitely would not leave them alone at that age, but you also call this whole thing an overreaction. Which is it?
If there had been a fire emergency or the kids had wandered off, Ms Tejera would have sued the hotel.
Now that the shoe is on the other foot, she’s claiming “victim status” like any person in the media spotlight.
And folks ridicule Baby Boomers….
Simply said: I am very disappointed.
Dumb parents