I’ve asked my two-year-old son Augustine to offer his thoughts on our recent 787-8 flight from Zurich to San Francisco on United Airlines in Polaris Business Class.
Last time Daddy asked me write up a trip report was after my very first flight from Los Angeles to London, also on a United Dreamliner. I was only six-months old then and slept through most of the flight. I know Mama and Daddy wish I would have slept through this flight as I did on that one, but that was not to be…
We’ve already heard Daddy’s opinion of me on this flight…now it’s my turn. First, to all those who think I only belong in economy class, I say go charter a private jet if you don’t want to share the cabin with me. I paid the same fare you did! (well, Daddy did) Second, I’m only two-years-old after all. Daddy says I’ll grow out of this “stage” quickly enough and soon be a perfect gentleman when I fly. People need to have a little understanding that despite valiant efforts to keep me quiet, I’m just a little kid. And it’s not like we could walk home or even take a boat.
I had just spent several weeks with my Oma and Opa in Germany and was looking forward to getting back to my own room, my own toys, my own books, and my own backyard. But this wasn’t just a drive across town, it was an intercontinental airplane trip. Mama would have preferred SWISS, but Daddy booked United so that we could upgrade to business class. I like the extra space in business class.
After having a lunch in the nice SWISS lounge prior to boarding (though Daddy is getting cheap…last time we splurged for SWISS First Class but today Daddy said that I no longer needed an enclosed space…boy did I prove him wrong!)
Boarding was announced and we made our way down the jetbridge. A lady stopped to check our passports and took so long that Daddy was not able to get the pictures of the cabin he wanted without people. Personally, I would have spent more time in the lounge and boarded last.
United Airlines 45
Zurich (ZRH) – San Francisco (SFO)
Saturday, May 4
Depart: 01:35PM
Arrive: 04:25PM
Duration: 11hr, 55min
Aircraft: B787-8
Seat: 3L (“Polaris” Business Class)
As I walked onto the plane, a friendly lady said hello and pointed me through the galley and to my left. I counted 1, 2, 3, 4…36 seats in business class, which is divided into a front and rear cabin with three rows of six seats each in a 2-2-2 configuration.
Finding my own seat (Mama technically had the window seat, but I took it), I climbed on it and starting exploring.
There was plenty of legroom for my little legs, though I’d imagine some older people might find the space for your feet a little constraining when sleeping.
A flight attendant offered me a beverage of choice, but when I tried to order a cocktail daddy said I had to stick to water.
Waiting at my seat was an amenity kit. Daddy said that United has a brand new parter for its amenity kit, some woman named Sunday Riley. The contents included a face moisturizer, lip balm, hand creme, cleansing facial cloth, and the usual junk like a writing pen, dental kit, earplugs, eyeshade, and socks.
A wonderful flight attendant named Jon (who daddy wrote about here) came around the cabin with a friendly smile and welcomed us onboard. He knelt down and gave me an extra special welcome, including United wings.
Daddy thought the picture below was best, but some guy photobombed it. And that guy looks so familiar, but I cannot put my finger on it..
I guess I should say here that Jon was great the entire flight. Even when I acted up a bit later in the flight, he was all smiles and helped to keep me calm.
Jon also handed out menus. Although I had eaten a big lunch in the SWISS lounge (and breakfast before that), I’m always hungry and eagerly looked over the menu, wistfully awaiting the culinary adventure that awaited me.
As we prepared to takeoff, we encountered a slight delay (due to traffic), but were soon ready for takeoff. It was nap time for me and I fell asleep sitting up reading.
But the takeoff jolted me awake and so my nap of 15 minutes would have to tide me over…
Once we climbed above the clouds, Jon offered me a hot towel. Daddy said it was for face and hands, but I used it to clean my seat.
Next came mixed nuts. I like eating nuts because Mama and Daddy like eating nuts. Mama prefers almonds but I like the cashews. More water for me as well.
As I wanted for lunch, I read the Hemispheres magazine, played with my toy airplane, and looked out the window:
An appetizer tray arrived with some nasty little thing Mama called pâté, which I was not even allowed to put in my mouth. I did eat the salad without dressing and had a pretzel roll. The salad had mangos on it, which I love!
I’m not sure what all the fuss was about, but Daddy got excited when he saw my glass. Something about a flower. What’s so great about this tulip?
He said it reminded him of the “good old days”. But he added that United never had Laurent Perrier Champagne back in the day…
Daddy ordered chicken and Mama ordered fish. They said they would share with me, though I would have preferred my own plate. Then again, I’m not sure I was eating for any other reason than to pass the time by this point. Daddy liked his chicken a lot. Mama said her fish was fine, though she would have preferred it without the sauce.
My request for ice cream was vetoed. I was given a single cracker and piece of cheese instead. Daddy, however, had ice cream. He also had a couple macarons. Hypocrite!
Now it was time for bed…or so my parents thought. Daddy took me into the lavatory where I entertained myself for a few minutes. There, I noticed that the Sunday Riley amenities were also present as well as a clothes cleaner for people like me who are prone to spill.
We returned to the seat and Daddy prepared the bed. He also read me a story and we sang a song (softly) and then he wished me goodnight.
I laid there for a few minutes, but I just wasn’t tired and soon started whining. For crying out loud, it was 3:00 PM German time. Why should I sleep in the middle of the afternoon?
Sensing that I would not sleep, Daddy put on The Lion King for me. I tried to watch it, but it was boring…I wanted to watch the airplane documentary like I did on my SWISS flight to Germany. Thus, I squirmed again.
So Daddy and I made some laps around the economy class cabin. There was a really nice flight attendant in the back of the plane named Mitch who made a nice ballon for me using one of his gloves. He told Daddy to enjoy this time now because I’d soon be a rebellious teenager!
This went on for….several hours.
Finally, with only about 2.5 hours left before San Francisco, I finally fell asleep.
Daddy was so relieved, he ordered a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup. He was impressed that rather than hide in the galley, the FAs (like Nicholas, the purser) proactively offered snacks to passengers. There was also a snack cart set up outside the galley with apples and sweet/salty snacks plus a sign advertising the soup (both tomato and vegetarian chili) plus grilled cheese sandwiches available.
It wasn’t 45 minutes later when the lights were turned up and the pre-arrival meal service started. I slept right through it…
Mama and daddy had one of each, a Hamburger Wellington and macaroni & cheese pie. Both were served with a tomato and mozzarella salad and chocolate.
Meanwhile, I kept sleeping.
As we neared San Francisco, Mama raised my seat up with about 15 minutes left in flight. I remained asleep, even as the plane landed and we taxied to the gate. They had to shake me awake.
CONCLUSION
Well, I can’t say it was my best flight. These afternoon flights are difficult, after all. But I sure appreciated Jon and Mitch…and Mama and Daddy for putting up with me. I love airports and airplanes (Mama blames Daddy for that)…I’m just not so good at flights yet. But don’t worry, I’ll get there. I won’t be terrorizing your premium cabins for much longer.
“First, to all those who think I only belong in economy class, I say go charter a private jet if you don’t want to share the cabin with me.”
Very defensive for a two-year old…
He learns from his President.
Hopefully they’ll both grow out of it soon…
Completely unnecessary
Matthew – I Always enjoy these reviews written from the perspective of Augustine – I thought it was funny that the glass still had the United logo from before the merger, but hey, Scott Kirby is a cheapskate so it’s no wonder they haven’t been replaced. Saying that, I have had my fair share of ‘Delta’ branded glasses on American Airlines flights, so maybe it’s not all that bad.
It’s kind of silly you wouldn’t let your child try the pate and enjoy some ice cream
YOLO
Well written article by Augustine. For a toddler, he made fewer spelling mistakes than his Daddy 🙂
LOL +1
LOL!!
What are the golf ball looking things with the fish ?
The fennel?
It’s salt and pepper.
Cute kid but kind of annoying trip report. Hamburger Wellington???? Nasty.
Cute write-up. Who’s the guy who photo bombed the pic with flight attendant?
No idea. Some ground staff member, but he had such a familiar face.
He vaguely resembles Josh Grobin.
The balloon picture is not from this flight right? That’s old domestic first on a 757 or something.
Correct, that is from my connecting flight to Burbank.
OMG….you’re son Augustine is adorable. I remember flying with my son Alexander who is 28 now hated sitting in his seat. My daughter Margo, now 26 never wanted to roam. I think it’s a boy thing. I’m a F/A for 38 yrs now and love kids and animals. I always feel compassion for parents and loathes those that don’t. Keep up the great trip reports. FYI on most flights I was a paying customer.
I enjoyed the article it was funny. And people who complain about children on planes need to take heed what young Master said. Recently I was on an overnight Phx to JFK @4 or 5 dogs sometimes barking and whining. Interestingly no one complained. Dogs are given a pass and crying, uncomfortable babies aren’t. Shame, shame on people.
“First, to all those who think I only belong in economy class, I say go charter a private jet if you don’t want to share the cabin with me.” Opinionated kid for his age. At that age, I was just learning to ask permission to leave the table rather than telling adults what to do.
I loved the photo of the little guy stretching to reach the window. I am told I was once that size, but I doubt it. Now my legs are just too long to have ever been that short.
It is very nice to see that daddy was offered ice cream and other desert offerings… On my recent Frankfurt to San Francisco Polaris business class flight I was only offered ice cream. When the cart came by I did request a macaron but they simply ignored me because they saw that I already had ice cream…
Sweetest review! I’d be honored to sit next to your little one anytime! I am a school teacher looking forward to my first time flying business class from SFO to FRA in September. Thank you for the review!
I didn’t see your son with his seatbelt on in any of the pictures. I could easily have missed it. I hope I did.
I had a great flight from UK last night on United in Polaris great staff onboard even with the stress of us all fleeing UK before the corona lock down. The hamburger Wellington is probably the best thing I have ever eaten on a plane. Maybe I was just hungry. The only downside was the weird dude next to me who kept looking at naked pics of his truly awful GF on his Ipad. I mean ghastly. I ended up having to stare at the ceiling whenever I’d seen him dragging that thing out.
John, glad you had a good flight, but why didn’t you tell the pervert to put his iPad away? I would not have tolerated that.