Upon further reflection, I decided to blur the face of the child who ran wild on my recent flight. Allow me to explain why.
Yesterday, I wrote about a poorly-behaved child on my SriLankan flight from Colombo to Kulala Lumpur. It evoked some fascinating comments, to put it mildly. Readers seemed to be evenly split, with some defending my use of the unfiltered images while others condemning me for doing so.
It was not the discussion itself, or any one comment, that changed my mind. Honestly, I still believe that no one has a reasonable expectation of privacy onboard a commercial aircraft and certainly not anyone who disturbs other passengers. And quite candidly, I would have no objection to someone posting a picture of my son and complaining about the disturbance he made on our recent flight from Zurich to San Francisco. Sure, I would be annoyed. But this notion of privacy is foreign to me and foreign to the law, with limited exceptions. My annoyance would stem from pride, not any objection to the picture itself.
I was fascinated at how passionate some of you became about the issue of the showing the child’s face. The idea that I would scar the child for life or induce him to commit suicide in the years to come seemed quite far-fetched and still does. I made clear in my post to say that I did not blame the child…that blame fell squarely on his parents or guardians.
But as passions became so extreme (you should see some of the deleted comments or personal email I received over this issue), I determined that the use of the word of “demon” and the inclusion of the child’s face simply was not constructive.
The Photos Became A Distraction
I did not want to turn my story into a referendum over whether it is fair game to use a child’s photo. That was a tertiary issue, not the central issue. Thus by leaving the picture, the conversation drifted in a direction I did not want to take it.
Upon consultation with others whom I trust, it also was impressed upon me that this child may suffer from autism. The way he snickered at flight attendants and artfully dodged them makes me think that was not the case, but his pattern of behavior cannot foreclose that possibility. Again, his picture became a distraction.
Finally, I realized I was not being constructive. What a great moment this would have been for me to focus on how to deal with situations like this or offer tips for parents who find themselves in a similar position (after all, I have a precious little monster of my own).
Instead, I treated the incident as a spectator sport. Some of you criticized my anger, but trust me…I wasn’t angry at all. I was highly amused, noting at the very outset that this was going to be a great story to draw traffic into the blog. Indeed it was. And perhaps that is even worse than anger…
Certainly, I was not in a position of authority to discipline or even counsel the child. But let me offer this advice to the child’s parents, whether he is autistic or not:
- Firmly, but lovingly explain to your child why you are disciplining him
- Be consistent
- Follow through on promised consequences
- Tell him you love him, over and over
- Apologize if you ever act out of anger, not love (parents are only human too)
CONCLUSION
I think the flight attendants and parents should have done more to control this child. But I also think, even when there is no excuse for poor behavior, we need to show patience and mercy. Especially on a plane. For me, mercy would have been shown in just blurring the pictures from the outset and not using language meant to stoke the flames of passion. Maybe next time, I’ll handle the issue in a more adult-like way.
Great follow-up post. I have always blurred kids faces (when I see them in a photo) I post on the blog or on twitter.
Adults, IMO, when in public (like a plane, hotel, airport or club) are in public. They have no right to gripe about being in a photo.
Regarding the unruly kid. You obviously don’t fly that much in South Asia. If you did, you’ll find it’s not just the kids but many of the adults behave badly on flights.
WADR, I don’t think you’re understanding. This piece separates adults from the kids. I get your point and agree, but that’s not what this post is about. Blurring an adult’s face never entered the convo. It’s about presenting a story about a kid. Period.
Good job. We all get to learn and grow. Very much looking forward to your Royal Jordanian write ups. I will be in Oman on Friday .
… Amman on Friday … 🙂
Enjoy!
Very well said.
Great conclusion and thanks for reflecting, Matthew. We need more of that in today’s discourse. Too often we prize the unwavering leader who believes on Thursday what he believed on Tuesday, no matter what happened on Wednesday (hat tip to the great Colbert).
A very commendable post, even if I still disagree with some of the points you have raised.
As I said before, the boy is clearly not autistic, this is more typical of a hyperactivity disorder -such as ADHD- which responds well to medication.
All of this is to say that we have every right to be annoyed at someone misbehaving (adult or child), but at the same time try to be compassionate about the possibility they may have an underlying problem that we can’t see.
Well done, Matthew.
Agree with Aziz and respect Matthew for his f/u post. This child clearly has problems that need to be properly managed by his parents. Vilifying a disruptive 6 yo is not the right approach to his disruptive behavior. He is just a child and shouldn’t be criticized as an adult.
Very good rationale and decision.
I saw your comment yday saying you were going to keep photos up and I thought fair enough. Your prerogative.
But I think always good to see someone not admit they are wrong but have a change in heart and be able to change ideas.
You wouldn’t be a little peeved if literallytens of thousands of people saw a blog with your boys photo and demon possessed written? 🙂
Good to see that you had a change of your heart. Very pleased that you decided to blur the pictures of the kids. What he did was wrong & his parents should definitely have taken care of it. I definitely agree with you on that.
Kudos to you.
You will learn at some point that there’s a completely insane level of submission to a certain class of people. Anything that might slight them have do-gooders come out in droves to throw themselves at their feet.
I’ll keep it vague for my own sake, but the lesson you just learned is the lesson we Europeans are learning right now.
I fully support you, btw.
By the time I saw the post you had removed the word Demon and blurred the kids face. I think you made the right call in doing this.
The text of your original post was spot on as is this post. Well done.
“while others condemning”? Really?
I respectfully disagree.
It is one thing to not have an expectation of privacy (as in: I can’t complain that someone is there with me on the plane, or that there’s CCTV cameras onboard, or that I get told off/reported to law enforcement if I’m caught doing something illegal/questionable). It’s entirely different for someone to use my image and likeness without my consent (whether or not it’s for a subsequent act of public communication, i.e. posting it on a blog, and whether or not it’s for profit). Especially since I’m not a public figure. Legally (in Europe at least) you are *not* entitled to take my picture even if I’m in public, and if you want to reuse and/or disseminate it, you have to seek my explicit (opt-in) consent. It’s not just the right to privacy that’s at stake here, it’s image and self-portrayal rights.
This is even more so with minors, who aren’t legally able to give their consent (you need parental or tutor/guardian consent), and especially in an age where children’s pictures can be misused in unthinkable ways.
I appreciate the law and individual sensitivities may be different in the US, but please don’t assume there’s a single angle to come at a problem. I commend you for blurring the kid’s face, I was late to the party and you’d already done that when I read the original post – thought it had been originally pixelated.
Thanks for your comment. I am well aware of EU regulation, but throughout much of the world (not just the USA) there are not simliar protections in place. And I’m quite glad about that.
In Australia you could have been prosecuted for those photos Matthew. Glad to see that you blurred the face, that was a good decision. I still wonder about the contrast between your belief that another person is not entitled to privacy in a public place and your concern about the boy’s infringement of your privacy. I support your claim to some degree of privacy for yourself in your own rented seat. But you must concede some degree of privacy to others too.
I was also going to mention the EU laws (glad you did Mike) which I feel are far more in pace with what is the need for the future and what should be adopted in the U.S. My issue is the use of these photos in blogs, social media, YouTube etc. There are no journalistic ethics that guide this content and the allowance of anyone to randomly take someone’s photo and make judgements, guide narrative, and rally a group in comments that may be hurtful is both irresponsible and dangerous. Not to mention that if causing harm or loss to the victim puts the owner in a questionable legal position…especially if the site is monetized like this.
Where do we draw the line as a society? Will you take photos of people in public restrooms that don’t wash their hands?
Who gave you the the pulpit to moral high ground, Matthew, and deciding who gets publicly shamed? Owning a blog and being somewhat knowledgeable on travel is not a credential to act god like. Try and take my picture on a plane or in a lounge and I will give you far better content to video when I confront you loudly.
As long as you don’t disturb other passengers or sit in my lap, you have nothing to worry about from me…
Ah, of course, because I trust your vigilante tactics to best guide the decision as to what is disturbing to other passengers. Or what matters in the larger context of life and travel. Perhaps you should join the armed posse of civilians that is patrolling the Mexican border and intimidating and threatening people they find.
Back when we were a civil society we took to issues the right way. In your case you would have been man enough to inform the dude with his feet on the table that you found it offensive. Or nicely asked an employee if they could remind him that this is not a barn. Or, in the case of the boy, accepted that, yeah, it was an experience and probably annoying as hell but there is more to the story and your flight will soon be over.
But no. Not today. Let’s publicly shame them in the name of monetized blogging and the need for clicks and views. Which questions your true motive.
No one is entitled to have a bad day in today’s society. No one is allowed a mistake. And introverted vigilantes that hide behind a screen decide what’s right or wrong instead of actually doing something about it at the time. Instead taking the low road of shaming others later.
It’s sick to me. It’s cowardly.
I am not easily offended and don’t generally find things offensive. I do find them amusing. And I am not the judge, jury, and executioner writ large, just in the fiefdom of Live and Let’s Fly. I simply offer my opinion and allow others to offer their opinions in the comments section below. One thing this blog chronicles is the state of travel today. That, not the way I cover it, is an indictment on society.
When it was my son acting up, I was condemned as a bad parent. When this little guy acts up, I’m condemned for not being more sensitive. The thing I love bout blogging is that you cannot win either way from some members of the peanut gallery. But unlike my friend Gilbert at GSTP, I do have a thick skin and I am thankful for comments like yours and even from trolls (I know you are not a troll). Someone who cares enough to write what you did is someone I want to read my blog. And I do not take that for granted. It is something I must earn.
But we have a very different opinion on this incident. I think the cowardly thing to do would have been to double down on my original post and mock those who disagreed with me, like our most prolific tweeter. But instead I wrote the piece above and blurred the boy’s picture as an olive brach to civility and a recognition that the photo issue was a distraction from the story I was trying to tell.
So again, you are welcome to disagree with me. You are welcome to call me a coward. But I find the charge unreasonable and frankly disappointing coming from you.
It’s okay to be inwardly reflective and retrospective. Frankly, I wish other bloggers would do the same. Good for you.
you should do a post on reasonable expectation of privacy throughout the travel experience…
Can I expect privacy: in an uber, at the airport check-in counter, at security, in the airport bar, in the airport bathroom, on the plane in a first-class suite, in biz, in economy, in the lav, in the hotel lobby, in my hotel room, on the street…
in the US, in EU, etc etc.
Would be fascinating… and talk about driving traffic/clicks!!