Yesterday I wrote about an amenity kit incident onboard my Alitalia flight from Rome to Los Angeles. Something happened later in the flight that I am struggling to process.
First, let me preface this story by saying that it seems almost too convenient for me. It seems like payback. But it’s not.
The gentleman who admonished me for touching his amenity kit was traveling with his wife, daughter (about 5), and son (about 3). The kids were a little rowdy prior to takeoff, running around the cabin and making a lot of noise. During the flight, however, they were mostly quiet.
But we touched down in LA at a remote stand at the far end of of the airport, about a seven minute bus ride from the Tom Bradley International Terminal. It appeared no ground staff was prepared for this and we ended up waiting 45 minutes for a jet bridge.
Not surprisingly, the long wait was difficult for the two children. First they ran around the cabin, then they started fighting with another. Finally, they started wailing.
The man tried to calm his son down, offering him his mobile phone and attempting to hold him in his lap. But the boy would not stop crying and squirmed his way out, thrashing about and hitting and kicking his father.
Suddenly, the man grabbed his son and started shaking him, yelling at him to be quiet. The kid cowered like a dog who has been abused and ran over to his mother. He continued to bawl.
A few moments later, he walked down the aisle where his father picked him up by the head (one hand on each side) and forcefully sat him down in a seat. It made the child cry even further.
Mind Your Own Business?
As a father of a 11-month old, you can imagine how difficult this was for me to watch.
I also realized my attitude was already biased, still stemming from my pride over the amenity kit incident. Was this skewing my perspective of the incident I had just witnessed?
Here’s what I know — I consider the way he treated his son child abuse. And I say that as someone who embraces corporal punishment as a form of discipline. But discipline must be out of love, not anger. This man was tired, embarrassed and exasperated, but so visibly angry. And there is quite a difference between spanking and shaking or pulling up a child from his head.
CONCLUSION
I’m not oblivious. I realize this piece may give the appearance of a self-justifying hatchet-job. But that is not my intention. How would you have handled this? Let it go? Say something?
I said nothing.
Augustine will be three before I know it. Maybe he will struggle with behavior too and I will struggle with how to discipline him. For the child’s sake, I hope that his father will reconsider the way he admonishes and corrects.
Dude it’s bawl. Not ball. “Ball so hard” is very different from “Bawl so hard.”
Thanks, corrected.
This seems like a slam dunk case of abuse. Presumably there were other witnesses. Biased or not, what you – and everyone else saw – is pretty damning.
I and many, many others have traveled long haul flights before with small children, in coach no less, and the kids were more well-behaved in most instances than the adults itching to get off the plane. If this guy doesn’t know how to parent – and he very clearly doesn’t given the antics of his kids during and after the flight and his reactions – then steps ought to be taken before more harm comes to the children.
this incident just confirms all of my predisposition against unruly brats.
With a misbehaving drunk adult, at least you can verbally complain and have them potentially removed by security or even law enforcement.
With unruly brats, you’re entirely screwed out of luck. I once had a mother of a girl constantly kicking my seat back on a flight responding to my complaint : “she’s a girl, what do you expect?!” Since that’s their attitude, i have no respect or empathy left for them whatsoever.
Not all parents are that way. I was in coach on a packed flight from Delhi to London with a kid doing the same to me while our 18-month old sat on our laps mostly behaving. I lost it on the guy after he asked me not to recline my seat (though the person in front of me reclined and I said nothing – it is his right). I finally turned back to him and told him to parent, my kid though as restless as anyone would be on a 9-hour packed flight in coach, was behaving. He should have been able to do the same with his family. Kids get upset sometimes as do adults (as you point out) and in this situation the parents would need to work very hard to try and get to a resolution for the sake of the kid and the cabin. Because they were essentially taxiing for 45 minutes, they couldn’t get up and walk around as we did, letting our daughter talk to FAs and practice washing her hands in the bathroom like Daddy. I would have had a very strong reaction to “she’s a girl, what do you expect” more so as a father of a little girl than having zero tolerance for such a response. But I feel like that’s on the parent and not on the kid.
Wow.
I would have stopped the first CBP officer I saw and told him/her what just happened.
Your average law enforcement officer has less than zero tolerance for people who hurt kids….
@Henry LAX – way to completely miss the plot on what was going on here. I hope (assume) nobody lets you take care of their children.
You talk the talk. Do you walk the walk?
Yes – For instance, I’ve called the cops on someone who left a child alone in a car in a Safeway parking lot with the windows closed in the summer. The mother had an extremely uncomfortable conversation with the local police officers (3 police cruisers arrived within 2 minutes of my 911 call).
But what’s your point?
There is a thin line between good samaritan citizen and nosy-know-it-all people.
The latter tend to be stupid. Like the woman reporting a passenger next to her being terrorist for writing in some word she suspect was arabic. The passenger was math professor writing math equation. The flight was delayed.
Well, each parents have their own way how to love and educate their children. It depends on culture, education, religion (or non of it), social status, etc.
What seems right to me may seems wrong to you and vice versa. Extreme example would be: western culture may viewed abaya and niqab as an abuse to woman. They cannot express themselves with their clothing and/or looks. On the contrary, those people can also view bikinis, short skirt, etc are an abuse to woman. Woman are judged by their physical appearance and sexyness by lustful eyes.
As for the rowdy kids, well, first of all they are basically kids. Not all kids have good behavior. And whereby you need to wait around 45 minutes without any understanding why you have to wait, even adults could get rowdy. Nobody likes waiting.
>Well, each parents have their own way how to love and educate their children. It depends on culture, education, religion (or non of it), social status, etc.
That’s true, but irrelevant under laws pertaining to abuse of children, which, as someone who lives in California, I can tell you are rather intolerant of behavior like Matthew described.
Hahahaha…. a parent reprimanded their children in a way you didn’t agree and you call that abuse pursuant to the law? What a joke…
Unfortunately, Matthew hold a degree in law. He see the incident first hand. He didn’t report it to authority. And you were saying I am intolerant? Hahahaha….
Thanks for the laugh
If you’re going to be snarky, you need to improve your reading comprehension, otherwise you appear ignorant.
I didn’t call you intolerant – I said that California law is rather intolerant of behavior like Mathew described.
Lol. A shaggy defense at best. Too bad you can’t edit your post. Hahaha…
And since you were talking about law, what law exactly prevails at the time of the incident, whereby it hasn’t opened the door yet?
Without having been there, I’d say the shaking probably didn’t cross the line, sometimes kids just need a little jolt to get in line. The picking up by the head definitely does not sound safe, in fact I have a hard time even visualizing it.
Kind of like I have a hard to visualizing leaving my infant alone in a hotel room only to be watched by facetime.
Touche?
Call the burn ward 🙂
Ouch
It’s obviously difficult for anyone not directly seeing it to judge the situation. I’m a parent. I understand that not everyone parents the same, but there is a line. If you truly believe you are witnessing abuse, get your ass up and say something.
Children never “need” or deserve a jolt or a hit or a shake or corporal punishment or deliberate pain or fear of pain infliction in any form. No one should rationalize child abuse as physical discipline or an act of love or education. You lie to yourself to think it is ever deserved or helpful to the child or anyone. Culture, tradition, or custom does not excuse it. It does not matter if you are a parent of an 11 month old or childless. I hope you change your mind as to your views, and I expect you will. If you will not speak up for a defenseless child, then who would you do it for? It should always be called out. The embarrassment caused to a “parent” or any other care giver for abusing a child is deserved and may result in a moderation of behavior.
This. +1000.
I’m 32, and only in the past couple years have I come to realize that the “corporal punishment” my mother inflicted on my sister and me was child abuse. She may have rationalized it to herself at the time, but it is NEVER a “loving” act to hit another person to inflict pain or shame.
It isn’t surprising our society today is full of snowflakes who get offended by the slightest reprimand or criticism. You call this child abuse? Are you kidding me? I suppose you also think your kid not winning a trophy for participating is unacceptable. How do you think kids who were never told they misbehaved will strive in the workforce (a concept you might not be familiar with) where your boss basically tells you to stop whining and deliver? Yes the father could have handled this better, with more patience and understanding but it’s easy to criticize when you’re not in the same situation. Who among us has never said or done things they regretted when they’re tired and frustrated. Really, calling this child abuse is absurd and an insult to the kids out there who do have to suffer through real abuse.
An adult inflicting pain on a child is abuse. This has nothing to do with criticism or participation trophies or future roles in the workplace. If you hit a child you should be in counseling or in jail or in both. Being tired or having regret does not excuse it. A snowflake is someone who stands by when a child is being abused and does not intervene or report it.
@JTFSN It’s not unreasonable to debate the ethical underpinnings of what you’re saying, but let’s be clear, you’re factually incorrect as a matter of law.
“An adult inflicting pain on a child is abuse” is not correct by any number of standards. When the pediatrician injects a local anesthetic to suture a wound, is that abuse? Of course not. But when you make such broad overly simplistic statements for dramatic effect, you make it impossible to discuss the actual substantive questions that exist about corporate punishment.
For those of you who shockingly think it’s OK to shake a three-year-old, take a look at this:
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/shaken-baby-syndrome
“SBS happens most often in infants up to one year, with infants aged two to four months being most at risk. SBS does not usually happen after age two, but children as old as five or six can be damaged in this way if the shaking is extremely violent.”
Lest you think that I’m somehow against all corporal punishment – I’m not. I’ve spanked my own kids (when they did something dangerous).
This isn’t a close call – Matthew would have been entirely reasonable to reach out to LAPD or CBP when he arrived in the terminal and pointed the father out.
Hahahahaha…. you are an entertaining person, really.
Which part of ‘extremely violent’ you didn’t understand?
Keep the jokes coming, please. Lol
I am sorry that your children have had pain inflicted on them by you. You need counseling. You should apologize to them as well in the hope that they will not follow your example. There is no rationale (“they did something dangerous”) for assaulting and inflicting pain on a defenseless child.
Good post. I’d be conflicted on whether to report it as well.
Everyone, Matthew has absolutely no credibility with all his sensationalist and click bait headlines and stories to drive up traffic and activity (whatever works, right?).
Every time I read a post from you, I just keep laughing because I’ve been on the exact same flight as you in a prior story you wrote where you overexaggerated an event on the plane simply to attract an audience on your blog. But hey, despite me constantly telling myself I’m gonna avoid your website because I know exactly what your strategy is, you keep getting me and you keep getting others to come in, so good for you.
Not sure what post you are referring to, but feel free to share. I am not absolutely not exaggerating this incident. Thanks for reading!
Hmm… double negatives…
I think children should be beaten vigorously.
Wow, okay…
this was the father or grandfather ? maybe a from a generation that does not know better
There is no excuse for mistreating a child. None.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: injustices happen in this world because normally decent people stand by and do nothing.
Being a flight attendant, I would have wanted to know about this incident. We’re all trained to handle this. I assure you that security would have been notified. Let the offender explain his actions to the authorities.
Finally, no one is being forced to read this blog. Frankly, if you don’t like what you’re reading, you are quite free to read something else. Otherwise, knock off the childish comments. Maybe you should be picked up by the head.
If that father acts like that in public, imagine how he treats the kids at home 🙁
As a parent, I have witnessed similar situations (and worse) and there were times I spoke up and there were times I remained silent.
Someone I know that works in youth services said a good rule of thumb is “what would you think if you saw someone doing that to their partner/spouse?” If you would be hoffified to see a grown man grab, shove and lift a grown woman up by the head, yeah, it’s abuse.
God I’ve seen stuff like this all the time when I go abroad on family holidays. My mum and dad used to tell the hotel staff if it was anything as serious as this.
Obviously parents are humans but you shouldn’t have kids if you’re not prepared to make sacrifices and learn.
That’s why I don’t want children because I’d worry I’d want to leave them with a baby sitter whilst I go out. Or worry how I’d handle a situation where they act up.
If your going to have kids you should accept the fact you’re going to have to give up social activities and learn to keep calm.
“Augustine” is a girl’s name. It sounds French (don’t know if it is), and the “e” in the end is a feminine. Sort of like “Agustina” in spanish. Better that you’d discipline him by picking him up by the head, or shook him. That poor kid.
Wow David, thanks for your very insightful comment.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Augustine_of_Hippo
Child Abuse ? … ohh Please are you for real ? … a bit over sensationalistic click-bait right there
Bring back the Cain ..! I say – and the millennials need a good clipping as well, Singapore has it right with views – corporal punishment ;
“spare the rod, spoil the child” is what is blowing this world apart
Thank God I am Turkish. Here in Turkey it would have been perfectly normal if you had intervened, and struck up a conversation with the child before things got that bad. You, as a stranger would have provided an intersting distraction to his boredom. AND nobody, except for perhaps the foreigners would have been surprised in your showing interest and paying attention to a strangers child…. At least for a few more years I guess. We are quickly modernizing.
Hard to say what is “abuse”. Suffice it to say I would never pick either of my children up by the head and consider that to be completely inappropriate behavior.
I feel like I might have stepped in here, and I’m not entirely sure that would have been the right thing. Who knows where it escalates from there? I’d probably be more inclined to get the flight crew involved so that it was a group effort to protect the children.