During my status run to Hong Kong, I took stock of all of the traveling I have been doing for both leisure and business. In a moment of clarity at the end of my trip, the toll travel can take became clear. The life of a Road Warrior is not easy, something that became clear from the lounge of my hotel.
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- Mileage Running May Be Dead, Status Running Still Alive
- United’s Polaris Lounge San Francisco
- Polaris Business Class Service San Francisco to Hong Kong
- Hyatt Regency Tsim Sha Tsui – Suite
- Hyatt Regency Sha Tin – Suite
- Shenzhen Day Trip
- Shenzhen Electronics Market
- Too Much Traveling
- Singapore’s Bad Hong Kong lounge
- ANA Business Class Hong Kong Tokyo
- ANA Haneda Lounge Review
- ANA Business Class Tokyo-Haneda to Chicago O’Hare
What They Were Talking About
When tried and tested road warriors talked about earning 90,000 elite-qualifying miles in a year, just short of the required 100,000 to cross into most top-tier thresholds, I looked back at them with wonder.
“If I was that close I would just do a quick status run and come right back.” I’d say, trying to hide my look of utter shock and bewilderment.
“I am on the road so much that I just don’t have the time or the want to do it.” They’d say back.
The first few times this exchange happened – and it’s taken place many, many times over the years – I would carry on with how they could just run to Europe for a day and come right back, maybe even on the same aircraft’s return flight. A couple of hundred dollars and a day of their time was separating them from endless upgrades and more mileage earning. The polite ones would entertain the idea in my presence, the uninformed might actually do it, but the honest ones would just defend their position until one of us lied and agreed with the other.
But now I get it.
Past Trips and Future Plans
My family has been on the road a lot this year. Sometimes together, sometimes apart. Thinking back on the trips we have taken together, we have spent a lot of time with each other this year. But as I return from a long distance status run to Hong Kong that seemed more like a trip to the moon than to my favorite city in Asia, I can’t quite take a deep breath.
Even when I am home, I have a work trip calling me away three days after I return. Then the following week a trip to Charlotte, then another with family after that for a long weekend, then another, then more work trips… pretty soon the calendar starts to feel heavy.
It feels so heavy in fact, that both my wife and I genuinely contemplated the pair of them flying along for one of my business trips (obviously they would be at the hotel while I am occupied with clients) at a staggering cost of $545. Each way. On Southwest no less.
Travel Should Be Fun
Since I was a child I have always loved flying and as an adult, it really hasn’t changed. The toys are different now but it’s still the same hobby. Work trips aren’t supposed to be fun anyway, and that’s, I guess, a fair enough conclusion though I don’t entirely subscribe to such a theory.
Regardless, it’s not fun right now.
Travel Stress
My wife and I are approaching ten years married, a tremendous feat considering the stress we have put on our relationship over the years. We moved to England four days after being married, packing only in a couple of suitcases. We lived in a hotel, a terrible hotel, for several weeks until we found our way with no support from the corporation that employed me (clearly I am not still bitter a decade later).
We headed back on our own after two years in Manchester, my wife returning six weeks ahead of me to get an apartment and set up our home while I completed my commitment. We would move back to Manchester again ten months later (in suitcases) and not quite a year after that to Thailand, though that time we sent most of our belongings back to the states. After another six months, we returned to the states and spent a year in a borderline rough network living with my brother (none of us knew at the time the neighborhood was so bad) before buying our first home and traveling with our daughter Lucy.
Then, in the last two years work has taken me from locally based to nationally-focused which requires much more time away from home more than ever before. Add in our personal travel, a downturn in my industry of 85% in the course of one year and living away from extended family and friends and pretty quickly you can see why it has been a lot of stress on us.
Traveling separately only further exacerbates that. On my recent run to Hong Kong, a city we both love, she viewed it as a holiday and not a nocturnal experience of a mal-adjusted body clock. Likewise, she went to our hometown so I saw it only in the lens of seeing family and friends and eating at our favorite restaurants instead of the stress of traveling alone with a four-year-old and the frustrations that come with trying to satisfy everyone, an impossible task. Neither of us is signing up to repeat the last week any time soon.
What Will We Do About It?
It’s time to really prioritize our time. Instead of trying to save my company another $50 by taking a later flight and hoping for standby, I am going to be a little firmer about my need to be home more. We need to be more deliberate generally in our travel plans and consider reducing some of our personal travel load. We wanted to make this year a Bucket List year and that plan should also be scaled back somewhere we can.
We also need to do a better job of reminding ourselves of the other’s challenges when we are apart. Not every night is a steak dinner with clients in a nice hotel. Likewise, for my wife and daughter, it’s not as though they eat takeout and watch movies while I am gone.
Traveling as much as we do is hard, but we can do something about it. We can slow our planning, calm it down a little and try to adapt. While we probably won’t buy my wife a Southwest ticket for $1100 roundtrip (even though she has companion pass) for a two-day business trip, we might find other opportunities to spend more time together even when I absolutely have to travel and use our points to accomplish those goals even though it may not be the best absolute value.
Our marriage is valuable, reading a story to my daughter at night is valuable and it’s time to start putting our money where our mouth(s) is(are).
“at a staggering cost of $545”
Comments like that separate the people who can really afford but who aren’t part of the 1% to travel from the people living a “Rich Kids of Instagram Lite” life.
I would say that my family is very well off and definitely earning enough to qualify as the “1 percent” and you could say that I live a “Rich Kid of instagram life” summers in Milan taking 5 friends to Hawaii. However, even though me and a bunch of other people I know can afford tickets like 1k for a round trip they still try to avoid them by using miles.
You’re not in the 1% Danny. And unless those summers in Milan include tossing rolies through the roof of the maybach while drinking Ace, you’re not a RKOI. I bet you’re super cool tho, bro
The one percent defined by the irs as 480,930 yearly income which’s considerably lower than many think. And in response to the later statement I was giving a personal anicdotal statement and did not mean to offend anyone.
Great post as it especially speaks to the reality (and not the marketing spin) of travel – unless you’re doing it of your own volition and on your own schedule, it sucks even in premium classes; all the champagne in the world can’t make up the time spent away from your kids.
Perhaps you need a staycation more than a vacation.
Good idea – maybe we should burn some IHG points and try a weekend at the Kimpton.
I actually sent my wife to the Kimpton in Pittsburgh for her birthday this year. A nice easy way to get away for a day, and enjoy a massage in her hotel room.
I appreciate this so very much! I thing this reality is one that you don’t often hear from the travel blogger community! In some ways, I have always fet left out as a reader because I won’t manufacture spend, I am 100% loyal one one hotel chain and airline because if I split my loyalty, I won’t make top-tier status, and I do not travel with absolutely wild abandon because I have a family. I would love to see more blogs that are family-focused. I tell folks that I travel for work so that we can travel for not work for free, and it has taken lots of work to figure out how to maximize that for us.
And I definitely understand the perspective thing! I might be in an awesome city eating awesome food, but that doesn’t mean I would trade being home for take out with my family in a heartbeat!
Finally, congrats on 10 years! Honestly, it might be that all those crazy moves simply made your marriage stronger!
Thanks again!
I think you’re right. I think that moving around has forced us to interact with each other more than a couple that stays in the same place where they have established friends and extended family. It’s much easier to find time apart in those situations. When there’s nowhere else to go, no one else to talk to in your time zone, you have to confront your issues head on and deal with them. It’s been tough, but I think you’re right that it’s made us stronger.
What a wonderful piece!
Putting it in perspective, though, as time goes on, each generation seems to have become more “homebound.”
When we think about it, many in previous generations would be away from loved ones for months (or years) continuously while trying to support their families.
Both of yours and your daughter’s experiences have been some of the most delightful reading we have had in any blog (or anywhere else, for that matter.)
Thank you again.
I really appreciate your comment, and I am glad you enjoy the content. It takes a lot of work to put it together but I am glad that readers like yourself are finding value.
Kyle, this is such a great post. I don’t usually read this blog but I always make sure to pop my head in on the weekends for you and your wife’s wisdom. Hope your industry is picking up, an 85% drop would scare me for sure!
It was scary but we made it through. Thank you so much for your kind words. My wife has taken a couple of weeks off as she goes back to school and adjusts to returning to student life amongst everything else that’s going on. Your comment goes a long way with both of us, thank you so much.
I agree with how traveling gets old. I don’t even travel as much for work as you. Most of my trips are for fun or maintaining the status . I even got ripped off by Jetsmarter and used their “convenient” service for a bit. With private charters, it made traveling easier. But most of the time, the amount of time spent getting the family to the airport, going thru security, waiting around is just a beat down. Combine that with actual flying, then getting to the hotel, and unpacking, I’ve just wasted all this time I could’ve done something else with.
That being said, I still basically read only news websites, financial sites, and travel blogs as there’s a lot more enjoyment in planning/thinking about the trip than actually going on it.
Sorry to hear about your Jetsmarter experience. I wrote about how their marketing tactics as of late are the clearest indication that they are not a premium service as they suggest but more akin to a scam.
Thank you for a great piece that really resonated with me. After I re-qualify for top status with my airline, I’m relaxed for maybe a day or two before getting anxious thinking of the next status year.. haha.
Same with hotels; Hyatt really makes it hard to re-qualify with their small footprint.
In 6 hours I leave for another 3-day business trip for Brazil.. But I would much rather relax on the patio of our new house and enjoy a quiet afternoon.
Ake, we are one in the same. Even when trying to clear the schedule, the next few trips begin to organize (seemingly on their own at this point) and it feels like a train I can’t get off even if I wanted. But it will all get easier if road warriors like you and I more value our homelife and closely guard it.
Are saying your wife is jealous that you spend an evening ‘eating a steak dinner with a client’? Most of us would rather poke our eyes out.
She is probably more jealous when you’re alone in the hotel at night watching TV and eating room service from the bed whilst she is juggling the kid, the house etc!
You’re probably right Raffles. I try to take our daughter from time to time to give her some much needed alone time, but it’s still too rare. It’s win-win, my daughter and I get to spend more time together and my wife gets some much needed alone time.
Good post. When you’re young (and single), the mileage/status runs seem so obvious. But, when you’re older (and/or have a family), even one more trip is a hassle, especially for a road warrior.
“Traveling separately only further exasperates that.”
You probably meant “exacerbates” instead, as you’re talking about making a stressful situation worse.
I agree, young and single I could have been on the road for years at a time without a concern – now, not so much.
Thanks for the correction, you’re right it was my mistake. I have made the edit.
Choices!
Don’t forget that you always have a choice, and it seems to me that for a long time you’ve been choosing your “airline status”, work, travel, etc. over your family; time to set your priorities in order Kyle!
I couldn’t agree more GTT.
Decades ago I used to be a serious road warrior. I gave it all up to start a business. Now I fly a lot more internationally but far less domestically, but even so, I have rules about time between trips especially international ones; it takes time to adjust from the jet lag and stress. Take time for yourself and your family as well.
I’ve been working on spending more time with my family as of late. It’s good to know there might be some light at the end of the tunnel.
You are asking the right questions. However, I didn’t begin traveling much until getting a management-level job after my kids were much older. And I still don’t travel nearly as much as a real road warrior, just enough paid international business and occasional domestic flights to barely make UA 1K. I consider it pretty reasonable, and also make it a point to travel in as non-stressful a way as possible, within reasonable cost.
I made the move from very senior in the right seat to junior in the left seat this year and it has created new challenges for us since I’m now gone almost every Saturday and my wife works 9-5 M-F. She of course gets stuck with our twin 4 year olds when I’m gone. We are still adjusting to the new reality but when your life has you on the road constantly it creates major challenges. Especially because no matter how often you explain it to your circle of friends they just never seem to get it.
Before I was married I used to think that guys like Thomas Stuker had a pretty good deal flying all over the world in First Class. For our honeymoon we went to the Waldorf Maldives on Hilton points flying Standby on BA. On the way home we went MLE-LGW train to Paddington, overnight at the Hilton above the station, then the next day Heathrow Express to LHR and LHR-IAD on BA. Both homebound legs were in Business class which we enjoyed and found quite comfortable. But about halfway back across the pond I was sitting there just exhausted from the combination of travel and time change and the Romance went away. Its not as easy or wonderful as it sounds flying long haul constantly even in First or Business. Add in the time away from your family and the stress that creates and the dark side to George Clooney’s character from Up in the Air becomes much more apparent.