It’s what we do when no one is watching that actually defines our character. For Doug Parker, that involved reading a book, trying to seek understanding, and unwittingly touching the life of another human being, in this case a Southwest Airlines flight attendant.
Parker was flying on Southwest from Dallas (DAL) to Panama City, Florida (ECP) last week and was reading White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard For White People To Talk About Racism. He had his own row and was minding his own business when flight attendant JacqueRae Hill came up to him. She didn’t know who he was…she just noticed the book.
She shared about the encounter on Facebook:
“So my heart has been heavy as I’m sure most of you feel the same. I was on social media before preparing to go to work (terrible idea). As I was driving to work I had to really go to God with my thoughts because it would make it hard to smile with everything going on. As we are boarding my first flight of the day I smile and I greet people when they come on and a man was holding a book that has been on my to read list. The book is entitled White Fragility. I was so happy to see that book in his grasp that I knew after I finished my duties I was going to make a point to ask him about it. I go sit next to him as he was sitting in a row all by himself (That was God). I said Hey How are you? I see your are reading that book .. So how is it? He replies oh I’m half way through it’s really good. It really points out how important these conversations on race are. As I began to respond the tears just start falling . I have been so sad every day and I just want to understand and be understood so we can began to fix it.”
Two things immediately stand out. First, Hill’s courage to approach a passenger and start talking, which (if I can generalize) is one thing I love about U.S. flight attendants. Perhaps to some degree in Australia and New Zealand, but nowhere else in the world do you encounter that sort of friendliness. Second, Parker engaged. He did not just ignore or politely try to curtail the conversation as quickly as possible. Instead, he engaged in the conversation. As a somewhat introverted person who enjoys being left alone on an airplane, I appreciated that. Sometimes, conversation is incredibly enriching.
Hill continued:
“I’m pretty sure I startled him by seemingly dumping all my emotions on him but his reply was I’m so sorry. And it’s our fault that this is like this. We continued to talk and when I tell you it was everything I needed. I was happy (even tho [sic] I was crying). I went on to tell him about my prayer on my way to work today and that he answered that prayer for me with this conversation.
“As our conversation came to an end he asks me my name I told him JacqueRae and then he said well I’m Doug Parker the CEO of American Airlines. I told him my mother works for him in DC and then I reached over and gave him a BIG HUG ! I HAD TO!! (yes we were both masked) I thanked him for being open and allowing this conversation to happen because I just needed to hear it and I walked off. I thanked God for his LOVE AND FAITHFULNESS the rest of the Flight. On his way off the plane he hands me a handwritten note and I thank him again and ask for this pic. This encounter is Only A Holy Spirit thing!!!!”
Hill attributes divinity to the encounter. Her lasting impression: a humble and caring and man. Then she found out he was the CEO of American Airlines, an airline her mother worked for.
She concludes her thoughts:
“There are so many different ways to affect change in the world. I stand with anyone who wants to make a difference no matter if it is how I would do it or not. I believe that God answered my prayer so perfectly that I want to be apart of an answered prayer for someone else…Doug Parker said that the premise of the book is that we need to have these conversations so here I am. My heart is open and my ears are open as well. BLESSED TO BE A BLESSING.”
Parker wrote her a note and handed it to her as he deplaned the aircraft. It was then they snapped the picture above.
The Note From Parker
Parkers’ note to Hill was brief, but poignant:
Thank you so much for coming back to speak with me. It was a gift from God and an inspiration for me.
I am saddened that we as a society have progressed so slowly on an issue that has such a clear right vs. wrong.
Much of the problem is that we don’t talk about it enough. Thank you for talking to me and sharing your emotion. That took courage.
The book, White Fragility, is great. But it is more for people like me than you (a black friend recommended it to me). I really appreciate you. If you’d like to continue the conversation my email is [redacted].
The book, which I also plan to read, is indeed more for people like me and Parker than for black Americans, but the question of how we can honestly, openly, and constructively discuss race is an issue for everyone to discuss.
Doug Parker’s Version of the Events
Doug Parker later told his version of the events, as noted by View from the Wing.
As I prepared to board, I pulled the book I wanted to read inflight from my backpack. The book is White Fragility — the book [American Airlines Director] Marty Nesbitt recommended to [American Senior Vice President] Elise [Eberwein] and that both she and [Chief Information Officer] Maya [Leibman] had recommended to all of us. It is fantastic — challenging, and educational — but I’m embarrassed to say I had only gotten halfway through it before the crisis hit, and hadn’t picked it up since. The horrific and senseless death of George Floyd reminded me there were bigger issues in our world than coronavirus, so I packed the book for the trip.
I boarded the aircraft and found an empty row in the back. I put the book in the seat pocket, logged into WiFi and began reading and sending emails without opening the book.
About an hour into our 90-minute flight, the flight attendant from the front of the aircraft leaves her position and walks back to me in row 25 and sits down in the aisle seat. My ego again assumes she has recognized me, mask and all, and wants to know why I’m flying Southwest.
But, no, she has no idea who I am. She is a young, black woman and she points at the book lodged in my seat pocket and asks, “How do you like that book?” I say it’s fantastic and defensively show her how I’m a bit past midway. She says, “It’s on my list to read and I saw you bring it onboard and I just wanted to talk to you….” And then she started to cry.
I felt wholly inadequate but I knew it was a special moment. The best I could do was tell her that the book talks about how white people are horrible at talking about racism, and that what we need are real conversations. She agreed. I told her I was trying to learn and through tears and a mask, she said, “So am I.”
We talked for a good ten minutes and it was an absolute gift to me. Toward the end, I felt compelled to tell her what I did for a living. I’m not sure why, but it seemed like I should tell this WN flight attendant (JacqueRae) that had sought me out, that I worked in the business, too. I’m glad I did, because she gasped and told me her mother works for us in DCA. Then she started to cry again and leaned across the middle seat and hugged me. She thanked me for listening and then went back up front as we prepared for descent.
Before we deplaned, I had a wonderful email from her mother, Patti, thanking me for comforting her daughter. I had done nothing, of course. JacqueRae was the brave one. I was sitting comfortably in the back sending you guys emails without thinking twice about what this young woman — and others like her — were going through. She was a gift to me.
I did my best to explain that to JacqueRae in a note I scribbled out on descent. Then I replied to Patti’s email. I’m just going to copy my note to her here, because it relays my emotions about this as best I can…
I appreciate the account for the humility it shows. Parker, like so many (including myself), genuinely wish for justice and racial equality. Yet we often get so busy in our lives we just stop thinking about it. And yet the problems persist, magnified in a new era of social media and mobile phone cameras. Here, Parker probably would not have even picked up the book during the flight had the flight attendant not stopped by his seat.
By the way, here’s the email from Patti, Hill’s mother, to Parker:
It brings me to tears to read in a text message from my daughter, JacqueRae, how kind and understand[ing] you were to her today on y[o]ur flight from Dallas. I have only been a part of American for nine and a half years but I always felt your heart is good but you have a difficult job. Thank you so much for confirming my belief in who you are and for the hugs you gave my child. What [..] a way to care for people o[n] their life’s journey! American Airlines will come back strong!
And his response back:
Your daughter’s visit was a gift to me. She is a special young woman. She had the courage to approach me only because I was reading a book on racism in Ameriac. She, like most all of us, is questioning how we got to this spot and why we can’t be better. Her kind heart and open-mindedness were evident – you raised her well.
I had no answers other than to tell her we all need to talk about it more. She cetainly left an impression on me. Reading a book is one thing – spending time with a kind, strong, young black woman who is hurting and trying to learn from others is another thing altogether.
After we’d talked for awhile I felt like I should tell her what I did for a living. The conversation was even more impactful when we realized we had you as a connection. (How did we let her to go Southwest?)
Thank you for thanking me, but trust me, I was the one who was blessed by thtat conversation. I am better for it and more resolved to do what I can to make the world better for people like her (and people like me). Thank you!
I appreciate how heartfelt both notes are and that Parker grasps what so many well-intentioned people do: how can we make things better? It certainly starts by listening.
What We Can Learn From This Encounter + Newfound Respect For Parker
View from the Wing does such a nice job reflecting upon this incident that I am tempted just to defer to him, but I’ll take a crack at this too.
With cities burning in the United States and problems of economic, political, and social inequality continuing to ravage communities of color, it is easy to ask, what now? How should we grapple with a system that has made meaningful progress but remains so far from the goal? What is the path toward empowering everyone to shed the bonds of poverty and promoting a society in which equal justice under law is not just a goal, but a reality?
The pessimistic side of me says nothing, but that is simply not an acceptable answer. Whatever the answer–and it does allude me–the solution to every problem starts with love; loving your neighbor as yourself and seeking, as a result, to treat them the way you wish to be treated. The Golden Rule is criticized on the basis that others may not want to be treated the way you are treated, but that represents a superficial understanding of the rule. Treating someone with dignity, respect, and equality is a universal and transcendent value. The specific application may vary, but treating someone with kindness and love is the first step toward greater understanding. That greater understanding is the first step toward making conscious decisions to heal wounds, not sow divisions.
CONCLUSION
As my own city of Los Angeles burns, I was moved by the encounter between Hill and Parker. Let it serve as an example for all of us.
And while I question many of the policy decisions Parker has made while running American Airlines, I salute him today with newfound respect as a man of humility and courage to admit that we all can do more to serve one another and work toward a better future.
Good grief. So he’s run a once-great airline and its corresponding loyalty program into the ground, and got filthy rich doing it, but because he is openly virtue-signaling “white guilt” (which is arguably a form of racism unto itself) via a book, and is nice to a sweet Southwest flight attendant (an airline that he has publicly derided as a “cattle car”), now he’s got your respect? Seems your respect comes pretty cheaply.
Thank you for such great insight into this staged conversation and story.
Thank you for a great story. Honesty and vulnerability are very refreshing atributes at this time.
Wes,
You have taken a beautiful story, at a critical time in our country’s history, and just destroyed the whole meaning and reason behind why it was shared on this website in the first place. With all due respect, people like you just don’t “get it.”
As I said on Gary’s blog:
It’s hard not to be angry with the black on white violence which plagues every western country. It’s hard not to be angry with the anti white racism which persecutes whites for wanting the same freedom and rights as other groups have when they have pride in their own and look out exclusively for their own people. Blacks are proud to be black, but whites are not allowed to be proud to be white. Blacks can talk about the black community, but whites can’t talk about the white community. It’s a double standard and that’s the real racism. No one isn’t complaining Japan, China, Indian, Saudi Arabia, or Kenya aren’t diverse enough.
@ Amy West –
Obviously you don’t get it and comments like this help fuel the fire of ignorance. Black people are “proud” of who they are to show they will not be kept down by others. White people of the USA do not need to show how “proud” they are – because simply being white is a privilege in the USA.
Just a thought: maybe you should read this book?
Not buying this at all. Why exactly did he have to introduce himself as “doug Parker, ceo of American Airlines”. Just doug would have been fine. Seems like he was looking for good publicity
As he stated above, he did that to let her know he was in the same business. Wouldn’t you let some stranger you had a nice conversation with know if you were in the same line of work?
@Matthew – No, you really don’t need to do that. I’ve had long conversations with passengers (and crew) on my own and other airlines without having to tell people what my line of work was. I’ve even been outed by a seatmate once where, after having a nice chat about things entirely unrelated to travel, she opened the in-flight magazine and saw my face in the “Welcome Aboard” column. You can (try) to be as anonymous as you want in any situation. Not saying that Doug acted inappropriately by outing himself, but the way this has played out in the media is too convenient to be purely coincidental.
Out of all due respect, who exactly are you?
He’s the CEO of an airline in Africa and a valuable contributor to LALF.
&matthew
no i wouldn’t…unless the conversation was somehow related to medicine (i’m a neuroradiologist). In this case, his profession, was unrelated to the conversation about racism in the US.
to each their own, i suppose.
Multiple things can be true simultaneously. People can be bad company CEOs and still be nice people with passions, cares, and depths to them. Parker has driven AA into the ground and set it up for failure in a down economy, but this is a great anecdote about him as a person.
Agreed.
@Cam, thank you for this comment. CLEARLY, a lot of folks in these comments don’t care to know that and are exactly the type of people that allow these types of issues to fester and boil over.
Clearly they’re all perfect in both their professional and personal lives and are the only arbitrators of decorum and sentiment. I would be blessed and honored if they would share with us poor uninitiated masses how to interact with their fellow human when difficult, thought provoking situations arise. Good grief….
In this time of hurt, anger and grief – this story is just what I needed. I’m not cynical enough to judge people’s motivation for doing what they do.
There is so much hurt in our world, as well as fear. That any time another human being allows it to be shared and received- then we are at that point at our best. Thank you for sharing it and don’t let the cynics take away from what it was.
I hope that I am still alive when he dies so that I can defecate on his grave. This man is an abomination to humanity. When he leaves this earth, it will be a better place.
Um, context?
Thanks for sharing – great story.
Parker has earned my respect. Much like Munoz did over at United. Nothing like Ed Bastian.
The cynical new world…
It might have been a touch self-serving to mention his position, but why focus on that instead of the important dialogue that was started by a brief interaction between two people faced with the impact of racism. It planted a seed toward understanding on both ‘sides’ and we need to have more discussions like that. They were both brave for approaching this topic during a time of heightened emotions.