’Twas The Night Before Christmas (Televangelist Jetsetter Edition)

It is the day before Christmas and I am in a creative mood…

I want to keep the mood light this week, but as we reflect upon the season I cannot help but to offer some social commentary, in the form of a poem, on crooked televangelists. How does it relate to travel? These men fly private instead of commercial, claiming (with a straight face) that there are demons onboard commercial flights.

The scene takes place aboard Kenneth Copeland’s new Gulfstream V  jet. He’s flying with Creflo Dollar and Jesse Duplantis.

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the jet;

Not a creature was stirring except Jesse’s pet.

A meeting was called, Creflo set the agenda;

Three men to discuss their newfound vendetta

Tonight they were flying Kenneth Copeland’s new plane,

He said God had told him it sure beat a train.

The purpose of their meeting, as it turned out,

Was to plot out revenge and cast away doubt.

A scandal had engulfed our three little preachers;

All their faces were now a primetime news feature.

What had these men of the cloth actually done?

The people, they woke up and saw cost overrun.

While the faithful had sacrificed their hard-earned dollars;

The fat cat preachers had purchased new collars.

And not only collars of expensive new suits,

but fancy new jets like most would buy fruits.

Like fake-news that had been suddenly exposed;

Our ministers found their livelihood deposed.

So here they sat, together to ponder;

Whether there was any more money they possibly could launder

You see they had grown accustomed to wealth;

They worshiped it, boasting it signified health.

But all of a sudden a vision appeared;

It was Christ Himself, a Man to be feared.

“You ignorant fools!” He loudly proclaimed;

“When you preach health and wealth you defile My name!”

Do I look like a genie who grants every whim;

To those who believe and sing the right hymn?

I came to save sinners and bring great new hope;

Not to grant you three Gulfstreams, mansions, and dope.

So why don’t you try this, instead of the lies;

Preach grace, wisdom, love, as wide as the skies?

And don’t sell people on false hopes of wealth;

Or promise them newfound jobs and great health.

Tomorrow is Christmas, it’s about much more than birth;

It’s a far greater narrative that transformed earth.

Don’t take from the Bible the words that appeal

And discard hard passages like last night’s veal.

If you ask what it means to love your neighbor;

It often involves a fair bit of labor.

See, peace doesn’t come through all of your treasures,

But knowing Me well is life’s greatest pleasure.

So here is your charge as I bid you goodbye;

Give your wealth to the poor, stop living the lie.

This act, it won’t save you, but it will show others;

That you’ve turned a new leaf, my three little brothers.

If you claim to be speaking upon My behalf;

You cannot afford to give only half.

And suddenly the preachers awoke from their daze,

But would they now actually change their ways?

image: Kenneth Copeland Ministries