As it turned out, my flight from Newark to Los Angeles on Friday went out almost full, but the oversold first class cabin problem resolved itself and I did not have to fight for a seat. Nevertheless, in many ways I wished I had missed the flight. I want to approach this carefully and take great care not to sound like a whiner. But this was not a good flight and it epitomizes the attitudes and practices that will perpetually hinder Jeff Smisek’s dreams of making United “world’s leading airline.”
Let’s talk about boarding. After zipping through Pre-Check (finally, a security experience that I do not dread) I headed directly into the United Club and stayed until about 15 minutes into the boarding process. Being a 757-300, UA begins boarding 45 minutes in advance. By the time I reached the gate, 30 minutes before scheduled departure, there were only two other passengers waiting to board and the gate agent was making a final boarding announcement.
She curtly told the person in front of me that he would have to check his bag. Maybe the gent has a bossy wife at home because he just nodded his head in agreement, but I minded–no passenger should be barked at. I was next and only had a small duffel bag. “That gonna fit under your seat?,” she growled, but when she scanned my boarding pass her tone suddenly changed. “Oh sir, I didn’t realize you were in first class…there is plenty of room for you.”
First class passengers should be treated with care and friendliness, but ALL passengers should enjoy the same courtesy. There was no excuse to be grumpy…the sky was clear and the plane was boarded and ready to go 30 minutes early.
Onboard, two ex-Continental FAs were too busy gabbing to greet passengers. They were also too busy gabbing to offer pre-departure beverages to the 24-seat first class cabin.
Departure time came and passed. The APU was broken and the captain was “waiting on paperwork.” He apologized for the delay, promising we would make up all the time. Don’t make promises you can’t keep…
The tired old 757-300 was depressing and at this point you have to realize I am not just looking to pile on complaints–my last three flights on United (all United legacy crews as it turned out…) were wonderful. And I know there are many, many wonderful ex-Continental FAs as well from all stations.
But this crew could not be placed in the wonderful category, nor could this aging aluminium canister be described as anything other than beyond its prime. The leather seats were scuffed and tattered and both the center console and tray table were dirty. The overhead monitor did not work so the FAs had to perform a manual safety demonstration. The purser could not even read the script without stumbling several times and pausing to giggle (seated in row two, I witnessed it).
Prior to takeoff–our delay grew to an hour–one of the FAs did walk around the first class cabin with water but no other choice. The purser began taking meal orders. She had seven words for each passenger: “Do you know what you want to eat?” A purser on a leading airline would address each passenger by name. That’s important to me…it shows attention to detail and a desire to personalize service.
We took off and a hurried lunch service began. The poor FA–she looked so tired yet bored as she lay tablecloths down at each table before serving lukewarm mixed nuts and a choice of beverage. She never cracked a smile.
The appetizer–if you can call it that–was a small piece of cured beef and a skewer with a mozzarella ball, sun-dried tomato slice, and olive. A crunchy iceberg lettuce salad with a tub of ranch dressing and packet of crouton filled out the tray. Bread was offered too, but it was not hot.
The main course was familiar–in fact the menu was identical to a flight last month on the same route–and I must say that I do enjoy the pork on United, though this particular cut had much more gristle on it than last time. Good broccolini and asparagus with it as well.
And dessert was great–I do love ice cream sundaes even if the FAs forgot to put nuts on it .
One more observation on the meal service. The flight left at 9:20a in the morning (well, at least it was scheduled to). I was expecting breakfast (who wants a heavy slab of pork at 10:00a?) and I think this would be a good route for United to have brunch on. Other airlines manage so I am sure the Friendly Skies can as well.
The purser decided she wanted a different movie than the advertised feature in Hemispheres, so she rummaged through her box of tapes and found a movie I enjoyed watching from San Francisco to New York a few weeks ago, “The Words”. I watched part of it again, but the FA should have followed protocol when you have over 200 passengers expecting to see the listed movie. She did not even announce the substitution.
Once that was over, she brought down the box of cassette tapes and plopped it in the lap of the passenger in 1A, telling her to choose the next film. She chose the “The Bourne Legacy.” Too bad the tape was scratchy, thereby distorting the pictures. But no one else seemed to mind…
Here’s where I got annoyed. There was an Italian family traveling to Palm Springs for a family getaway. These were mafioso type people if there ever were such people–the guy in front of me was part of the clan (decked out with gold) and showing the FA (in that lovely NY-Italian accent) his 11,000 square foot summer home that he was having built.
The godfather–let’s call him Vinny–was two rows back and was a commanding presence at 6’5″ and 300 lbs. Well, all I noticed was that he was drinking…a lot. I fell asleep and dozed for what must have been about 30 minutes when I was awoken by Vinny talking to the family–and a couple of the FAs–in row one. He had a booming voice and held a glass of red wine in one hand and a miniature bottle of vodka in the other. They were joking that he had already had eight servings of each beverage and appeared unfazed.
He was a “Frankie” fan and delivered a 20-minute soliloquy on everything Sinatra–including some lurid details I won’t repeat here. He then went on to talk about all the celebrities who had homes in Palm Springs, again going into graphic details about the proclivities of our favorite Hollywood stars of yesteryear.
I cannot underscore how loud he was. He was charming no doubt, and had wooed the FAs into beaming adoration, but I was not the only first class passenger who did not appreciate his rest being disturbed by big Vinny. The man would just not stop. Just when I thought he could not name another celebrity, he trotted out another one–yes, they had a house in Palm Springs too. And you’ll never guess what they liked doing…
Finally, Vinnie was finished and retired to his seat with a fresh glass of red wine. The rest of the first class cabin breathed a collective sigh of relief. I stared down–my ice cream sundae bowl and linens had still not been collected.
We were now only a couple hours away. The FAs did not appear for the next 1.5 hours and never bothered with the snack basket (unless I missed it during that 30 minute cat nap right after lunch).
Suddenly, the purser made an odd announcement–“ring your call button if you are going to Reno.” There were about a dozen passengers going to Reno, but certainly many others who had tight connections after the one hour delay. No further word was said until landing, when the purser announced that everyone should remain seated for the Reno passengers (turns out the Reno flight was delayed an hour too).
Meanwhile, the Captain sheepishly checked in, stating that we had actually not made up any time and would be arriving in Los Angeles late. He said we would be beginning our initial descent in a few minutes.
Though 40 minutes from Los Angeles, the FAs sprang into action, announcing that in-flight service was over and hurriedly collecting all remaining glasses and cups. Then sitting for the next 35 minutes…
We finally rolled into LA. Now tell me, was this a first class flight? Only on United. And yet I felt right at home…
United flights (all classes, even international) often feel to me like chewing an old piece of gum: flavorless and ritualistic. My first real job was working at Disneyland. From moment one it is clear that Cast Members (employees) are part of a “show” no matter what part a person plays. I wish that United employees felt similarly. In fact, I have repeatedly found that saying “please” and “may I?” and “thank you” do not elicit similar responses. I even had a flight attendant refuse to talk to me with my Bose QC15 headset. When she came to take food orders she paused and then said, “I won’t talk to you unless you take those off.” In first class. I guess that she doesn’t realize that they they make it easier to hear by cutting out the background noise.
Matthew,
I agree with you that UA is a supbar airline with a horrible first class.
If you think about it Cathay Pacific, Singapore, United Arab Emirate, 3 of the top airlines in the world.
You can use a RPU or get a CPU (in most cases) First class passengers pay for class prices and get first class service.
In America, with CPU on every flight the first class cabin is watered down to make it “bearable” on the flight.
Where the top carriers make it a pleasure flying in their preminum cabisn.
If you were a paying first class passenger I would say you shouldn’t waste the money, but when you get it for free I think its fair to be grateful.
If you want a greater first class experince try VX.
No doubt, and I guess the fall back is that UA’s prices are cheaper. But according the the upgrade list, only 6/24 were upgraded (myself included) and none were upgraded on a complimentary basis. That means 3/4 of the cabin paid and I see that regularly. Last night on my redeye to PHL there was only one UGS who was upgraded in a cabin of 8.
****CANT get a RPU or CPU
Yeah well as always I enjoy the UA updates.
I’ll be flying EWR-HNL in F and I am sure It will be an interesting experince to say the least. Have you ever flown that route recently?
I flew HNL-IAD a few months ago. They’ve since cut the dinner service and now only offer a snack and a Jeff McMuffin before landing. Old CO BF seat was comfortable though. Veteran CO crew who just wanted the flight to be over.
I flew DEN-HNL on the way out and had a great crew, but the food was downright nasty and the mai tais are intolerably sweet.
I was flying in Businessfirst from Newark-Amsterdam and wanted to spend some extra time in the lounge before the flight too. All of the plane had boarded 35 minutes in advance and the gate agents told me I would have to check my rollerboard and asked me if AMS was my final destination which I said it was not. I had to plea with them to let me look for space since everyone boards through the second door on that plane and does not pass through the business cabin. They finally gave in, but still handed me the tag in case I didn’t find room. I found space and if I hadn’t been paying attention or was not strong willed it would have ended up in lost in the Netherlands since the tag had AMS handwritten on it.
Also, I miss the old transcon service that Continental used to provide and on more than just LAX/SFO. While similar, it does not cost that much to serve the appetizer and salad in separate servings and without the tray, although the full sized salad does cost a tad more. Friendly and good service should always be plentiful no matter what.
We’re they ex-Continental flight attendants? All of last year, I experienced so many negative, unfriendly, cranky, rude ex-Continental flight attendants. It is so frustrating and I always felt like I was an inconvenience to them. In my experience last year, most of my United legacy crews were wonderful. It just seems like the Continental flight attendants are still bitter about the merger. If they don’t like their job, they should quit and go work at the DMV where they would fit in perfectly.
@Marc: This was indeed an ex-Con crew. I try to be even-handed because I have had a few very good ex-Con crews…quite a few actually. But in all circumstances if you asked me whether I wanted a legacy UA or legacy CO attendant, I would choose UA.
At least you didn’t get the honey mustard dressing. It’s a drag on shrimp salad. I travel with scotch and a bottle of water. And I bring my own good food. I don’t rely on FAs to make my day.
United should have a program that is named the Poor Performance Recognition Program to go along with their Outperform Recognition Program. I bet that would get a lot of FA’s the boot after so many complaints.
Yeah, I’ve had a few ExCon crews on past flights.
Grumpiest, most bitter people I’ve ever met. They don’t like the merger and they take it out on us.
Not cool.
If they really don’t like it, they need to leave.
I’ve always had good luck with warm, friendly PMUA and AA crews.
And last week, I experienced Delta for my first time.
Wow, talk about a professional crew, with snappy uniforms.
They put on some very good, professional service.
Sounds like a normal experience at EWR, unfortunately.
Answer to Matthew’s question: No. Why: 1. general shabby state of humanity, 2. the captive audience syndrome (Wanna fly? Then shutup), 3. familiarity breeds contempt (we live in Facebook reality show, and flying is but a busman’s holiday, i.e. nothing special), 4. money (re: shabby interior and FA attitudes). Considering that there’s more wealth than ever before in the world, why have things so degraded re: people’s attire, behavior, work ethics? Proving that class ain’t always about money. I recently flew an OS flight in J and there was at least decorum and attention on the part of the FAs. I agree that I am a paying ‘guest’ on board, and I expect to be treated as a ‘guest’ not like a bothersome old uncle. Businesses no longer have guests, but consumers.
That looks like the exact same meal I had on JFK – LAX last weekend. Except it was a true dinner flight instead of your brunch. Sounds like a typical EWR based sCO crew. Maybe they are grumpy because they have to do a turn back to EWR on the redeye?
I flew the same route in BF around January 7 of this year. The service was adequate – average, you could say. Not great, not bad. Having just flown UA BOM-EWR (16 hours) in BF, and had a GREAT flight with excellent attention and service, the EWR-LAX leg was a disappointment.
But I agree about the sCO crew. And it’s not just the flight attendants. The pilots are the worst. I’ve had 2 or 3 flights where the pilot announced, “We hope you enjoyed your flight. Another on-time Continental Airlines arrival. We know you have a choice, so on behalf of Continental Airlines, we thank you for choosing Continental and look forward to seeing you next time, on a Continental flight.”
This comes across as petulant, childish, and petty. If Continental was so great, it would have put United out of business through competition. That didn’t happen. You’re lucky to have any seniority and a plane to fly – deal with it, guys.
Speaking of Palm Springs homes, I must admit this one is pretty cool–
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2288168/Its-world-Bob-Hopes-space-age-Palm-Springs-home-goes-market-50m.html
Wait….
a) they used VHS?
b) a 2012 movie (Bourne Legacy) was on VHS?
Yes–I wonder how much UA pays for the conversion?
Ex CO flight attendants have no limits on the number of hours they can fly, and while this is true with many flight crews, the CO crews are quite accustomed to flying 130-170 hours a month. It is not uncommon to find crew flying EWR to LAX or SF and back to EWR, every day (monday through Friday). Do that for an entire month and they are flying 200 hours in a month. No wonder they are comatose.
Hmmmm
More research needs to be done. Lol no sCO 757-300s have overhead video. Nice try though on the article.
I am so sorry for your experience. I work for the airline and there is no excuse for their behavior/service if what you say is totally true.
I have no control over what is served on the plane. The FA that switched out the movies was totally wrong and against company policy. As for pre-departures on a 757-300 I have no excuse for them.
I do take exception to your comment about the 757-300 (as being “a tired old”. They were the latest version of the 757 before production ceased.
I think part of the problem you are experiencing is maybe you are used to the JFK-LAX and JFK-SFO *ps flights. They are a whole different world. Personally , I wish we did the same on the EWR/LAX and EWR/SFO flights. But, once again, not my business decision.
Again, I apologize for you experience. Not the norm for s-CO staff.
Thank you for your cretit of this flight it would help at lot if you could please review this flight again but this time give us your advice to correct our behavior step by step
Thanks I’m always looking for ways to improve this experience with the assumption that the co will not offer us any new tools. How can I make this experience better using only my positive attitude
@Rob H: Actually they do. See, I was on the flight. LCD drop-drown screens every few rows, or overhead screens for short.
OMG, what an self entitled dick you are. What horrid experience you had, not. You (we) make the world the way it is, you can make it make it a bad experience or a good experience. It’s all about attitude…
sCO crews do not have a “purser”. They have a “lead”… You know, like they do at Burger King or something. Taking this thought one step further sCO has this “lead” working in the main cabin – away from all the passengers with status (GS, 1K, etc) in first class. It’s no surprise their premium cabins are so awful.
How uninformed your statement is, Mr. Vaughn…amazing.
You are a real piece of work Mathew. I’m sure no one can stand to around you too!
Were you one of the apathetic FAs on my flight?
@Sandy,
Stop apologizing and groveling over your sCO crews like this was a one-time exception to good service. They rot, no matter what route is flown.
New motto should be:
” Fly United, you’re gonna hate Continental”.
UA – Universally Apathetic or
UA – Undeniably Awful
Thank you – CO dba UA !
Oddly, I find that flights with United crews are the hardest for me to tolerate. Perhaps I just became used to the way Continental operated in the 15 or so years I flew with them. But I find in particular on international flights that Continental crews are almost immediately noticeable. The few times I’ve had real mishaps, regardless of the class of service, it has always been on a flight with United crew.
I don’t enjoy flying so much anymore on the new United as I did before, and with the latest PQD weirdness (exclusion of so-called ‘bulk’ tickets bought from my company’s travel agent), I find myself longing for the old Continental.
In general I think my plan is to move to AA after its USAir merger. Part of the impetus behind this is the absence of PQD weirdness, but I also see some benefit in the planned membership in both the Star Alliance and OneWorld. AA currently has something like a PQD, but it’s an “OR” arragement to PQM and PQS, not an “AND” one.