I’m suspicious of a claim from parents that a United Airlines flight attendant berated their parenting and forced them to walk up and down the aisles when their child began screaming nine hours into a longhaul flight from New Delhi. Nevertheless, the situation exposes the difficult predicament of traveling with a special-needs child.
Parents Of Special Needs Child Claim United Airlines Flight Attendant Maligned Them For Crying Toddler
The parents took to Twitter to post their complaint in a lengthy chain of tweets. Let’s examine them so you can understand my suspicion.
Getting on to the flight, we started a 16 hour journey with a 3 year old child who has special needs. This fact was already conveyed to United customer service over 4 weeks ago by me. My son slept almost 9 hours after takeoff and finally woke up hungry.
— Uttiya Basu (@uttiyab) August 4, 2023
From the very beginning, we have reason to question the story. There are no $23,000 tickets from Delhi to Newark, even at full-fare unrestricted:
$23K for three full-fare round-trip tickets is within the range of possibilities.
Next, the complaint is that special meals were not loaded:
First, United forgot to load his child meal, even though the ticket says so. So we took out our own food. While my wife is mixing the cereal, my son is crying due to an unfamiliar place and environment. I pace up and down the aisle and he calms down and eats.
— Uttiya Basu (@uttiyab) August 4, 2023
It is annoying when an airline does not load a special or pre-ordered meal. So far, so good – the family’s complaint is reasonable.
The child then lets out “a few small squeals and laughs” while exploring the IFE. This apparently prompted a flight attendant to come over.
Once happy, he starts to play with his toys and the IFE screen. He let out a few small squeals and laughs due to excitement of finding his shows on the IFE. This is when a flight attendant comes over and starts rudely rebuking my wife!
— Uttiya Basu (@uttiyab) August 4, 2023
I tend to think that the “squeals” and “laughs” were more like shrill crying. Speaking as parents, we often fool ourselves that our children are more pleasant than they actually are…
Per the family, the flight attendant rebukes the mother for ignoring the toddler rather than trying to keep him quiet.
FA – “Ma’am, your child SIMPLY cannot be making any noise. This is rest time, Everyone is sleeping. You are DOING NOTHING to keep him quiet. You need to keep him silent”.
We try to explain his needs to her but she refuses to listen.— Uttiya Basu (@uttiyab) August 4, 2023
Difficult situation. There is no magic way to quiet a distressed toddler. It could be that letting him play with the IFE, even as he was making noise, might have been the best bet to quiet him down. I can understand that the FA may have thought that they were just ignoring the child, but I’m not sure that is reasonable either.
FA – “I have two children and I know how to be a mother to them. You need to do SOMETHING”.
My wife – “we are playing with him and keeping him engaged”.
FA – “No YOU ARE NOT!! You are just SITTING there.”
She turns to me and says – “You can walk him around. That helped!”— Uttiya Basu (@uttiyab) August 4, 2023
Again, a tough situation. Why would the FA just make up that they were ignoring the child if that was not the case? Even so, as a mother, she should know that sometimes more attention does not equate to quieting down a distressed child.
We were forced to let our son walk in the aisles, which actually disturbed people more and excited him further. I confirmed with multiple passengers who all said that they were not bothered, as he was barely audible over the plane noise.
— Uttiya Basu (@uttiyab) August 4, 2023
I fully understand that getting a child up and walking him around can agitate him more and disturb more people.
Special Needs + Compensation
I interact with many precious special needs folks at my church and here’s what I know: the only predictable thing is that these dear ones are unpredictable. The family was admonished for not telling the crew about the special needs of the child, even though it purportedly let United know:
Also, anyone who was awake had headphones on. most people sleeping had the earplugs on to drown cabin noise. There was actually constant kids crying from coach anyway. On further conversation with the FA, we were told “you need to tell us about special needs. @united doesn’t!”
— Uttiya Basu (@uttiyab) August 4, 2023
My understanding of the flight attendant iPhone app is that it does identify those passengers with special needs.
It is not clear if the child eventually quieted down. Upon reaching the USA, he complained to United and received a form letter back with a $100 voucher. He wants a personal apology. He also wants the flight attendant to be punished:
My questions AGAIN to @united are –
1. What action has been taken on the FA?
2. When can I expect a personally addressed apology to my wife and my son for this behavior?
3. Where and how can I return these vouchers to @united ? They are an insult adding to the injury.— Uttiya Basu (@uttiyab) August 4, 2023
That’s their side. We don’t have the other side or a personal account from another passenger. I am suspicious because I think the situation was likely far worse than the family lets on. On the other hand, I empathize with the family and do understand how difficult it is to travel with a child, let alone a special needs child. I also think the flight attendant could have been that cruel, though I’d love to hear her take on it.
I guess the bottom line is that the family was horrified and I don’t think any family deliberatively “lets” their child cry. If it is bad for you the passengers, it is far worse for any conscientious parent.
(H/T: View From The Wing)
The child then lets out “a few small squeals and laughs” while exploring the IFE. This apparently prompted a flight attendant to come over. I tend to think that the “squeals” and “laughs” were more like shrill crying. Speaking as parents, we often fool ourselves that our children are more pleasant than they actually are…
Absolutely. Parents – especially of younger children, independent of “special needs” – tend to be blissfully ignorant of how their child actually comes across. Screaming bloody murder because they can’t have chocolate milk is called “being fussy”. Endless crying for no apparent reason is called “cranky”. And general inaction from the parents because they want their child to just tire themselves, everyone else be damned, is called “giving the kids space”. I wasn’t on the flight but I’ve been on several other flights where incredibly ill-behaved children were simply coddled and urged to “use [their] words, honey” or something to that effect. We should take the parents’ story with a very large grain of salt – especially considering the supposed cost of the ticket that isn’t supported by facts.
It gets a lot trickier if you have a special needs child, such as autistic. Sometimes you cannot easily predict their behavior, and although you have the proper redirect, calming and other methods down part, things can still get out of control. Some people say if you have such a child just simply don’t travel. Equals to practically banishing the parents because they had an imperfect child. A quite common way of handling this issue.
The $23,000.00 number is probably for the couple and the fares are probably AAA-DEL-EWR-BBB.
Does the ExpertFlyer screenshot fare prices include taxes, etc?
While insane to pay $23K, I do see the UA nonstop flight between EWR and DEL hovering between $5K and $7K return, per ticket on Kayak and Google flights. Times 3 people—especially mid summer—you’re coming close to $23K
“I confirmed with multiple passengers who all said…”
CRINGE!!! Talk about making it worse… your kid is noisy and now you’re out taking surveys of the rest of the cabin to take a side so everyone is uncomfortable the rest of the flight… That alone says this guy has a pretty low social IQ. Does he really think any other passenger wants to be brought into this?
What about the IQ of the flight attendant? Observe first, try to assist and as a lady resort be firm, but not rude. I personally do not believe that flight attendant really has two kids
The tweets paint a certain picture, don’t they?
The FA speaks in ALL CAPS and exclamation points !!! The FA is unforgiving, demanding, and harsh. The passenger speaks with no caps, no exclamation points. The passenger is cool, calm, and in control.
But then we realize this is a passenger who wrote a multi-part freak-out novel in tweets about being told that his kid was being disruptive on a flight, despite acknowledging that his kid was being disruptive. And that even after being given $100 as a goodwill gesture still wants the FA to be punished, and a written letter of apology from the airline. Something tells me that this guy isn’t as chill as he makes it sound…
Lastly, the complaint that you told United 4 weeks ago that the kid has special needs doesn’t really do much for me. What do you really think they’re going to do, spend those 4 weeks assembling a special team, cabin, and plan just for you? If you have a special request for the FAs beyond the special meal, then bring it to their attention when you board. My experience has been that the FAs in international Polaris on United are generally pretty willing to help me have a good flight.
The parents are probably the most annoying and hard to handle, not the kid. I’m a nurse and when the family is around, it makes for a very stressful situation since parents can be extremely critical on how their child (or grandmother) is treated. Children do need direction. But when the parents are around the child can get anxious and act out.
I would HATE to be on this flight next to that uncontrollable toddler and completely ignorant parents. I applaud the FA to stand up for the other passengers! That is exactly her job !
This guy has more than a handful of travel-related grievances:
First about passport processing requiring his mother to show up in-person:
https://twitter.com/uttiyab/status/1676575632166211585
He lost me with the #neverqatar thread, as I would #alwaysqatar if they flew where I was headed:
https://twitter.com/uttiyab/status/1417511996849799169
Also “wronged” by Terminix:
https://twitter.com/uttiyab/status/1408475875159457793
Some issues at Applebees as well:
https://twitter.com/uttiyab/status/1099761821035188225
And pissed off about sub-optimal lack of pencils at Ikea.
https://twitter.com/uttiyab/status/1013169734043521027
Either he’s really unlucky, or an obnoxious, entitled drama queen.
Wow.
Is there any indication that he was eating at Applebees to get ready for the Polaris food? If so, I might give him a pass on that one.
Good work, BC, on digging up info on this guy’s other “issues” and complaints with other places. He clearly is stomping his feet and pounding his fists hoping to get free stuff. It worked with United ($100 voucher) and he wants more. I know a guy who does the same thing and has come away with a free drink or dessert in a restaurant and upgrade certificates from airlines. These people are bottom-feeders and it doesn’t cost them a nickel to play their little games.
As the parent of a special needs adult (now 23) I can sympathize with both sides in this incident. We have always been hyperaware of the noise level that our daughter can reach, though on every long-distance flight she has taken co-passengers and flight staff alike have been very understanding and helpful. Having never flown with our daughter long-distance on United it’s not hard to imagine an overstressed FA losing patience with a family like ours. On short hops, though, United flight staff have been very kind and helpful. We have flown transatlantic on Air France (twice), Brussels Airlines, and Emirates, and each has been a great experience.
You can scroll down his tweets and see that United is only the most recent company to provide atrocities against him. Others include:
1. The passport authority that required his 80 year old mother to appear in person to get a passport.
2. Qatar Airlines
3. Applebees, who could not properly serve his mother a Cesar salad.
4. Terminix, who did not answer his call rapidly enough.
He seems like a gem
Yes, I read about this in another blog. Apparently he has way too much time to go out and complain about everything and everyone on social media. I would be skeptical about what he writes.
Most upper class people from India treat service workers as servants. It’s cultual. Flight attendants have been trained to smile and not take it personally, because it isn’t meant to be taken personally. However, it sounds like this guy took things a step further, and has an end goal of getting a flight attendant fired because he didn’t like the service his experience onboard. I highly doubt the situation he described actually happened as such. This isn’t news; It’s a story of how culturally unforgiving some Indian passengers can be, even if not intentional. Every country has unique cultural ins and out, which all must be considered when doing business as a global airline.
He is a mid-level manager for JC Penney in Texas. While I agree with your assessment, I think “upper class in India” would deeply aspirational for this guy.
If he dropped $23,000 for a flight, he’d have to be upper class. Not a lot of people can do that.
Good for UA. Almost nothing more annoying in business class than trying to sleep and having a screaming kid around. The FAs were right in scolding the parents. It is common courtesy to keep your kids quiet, or at least TRY, especially when everyone is trying to sleep.
I had an Indian landlord when I lived in California. Guy was literally the worst human being ever. Treated his wife like dirt and made her do all the chores like moving trash and recycle bins to the curb and mowing the grass. I guess she must have been a lower caste than him.
I had an Indian landlord in Florida. He was the greatest guy. He did everything you’d want out of a landlord. After we had our first child he agreed to sell me the place at a good price because he said we had made the house a home. He really helped me get started in life, and I will never forget that.
What’s the connection to this post?
Something isn’t quite right about this. A personally addressed apology to a toddler ? This all reeks of ‘compensation’ somewhere.
But he looks so adorable in the picture! How could anyone be upset with that little cutie?
An unfortunate situation for everyone: the child, the FAs, the parents and especially for the rest of the passengers suffering through it. Lets’ just put it out there: not all children are suited for long-haul flights. Had the trip been broken down into shorter segments it might have made the child less anxious or agitated, who knows? The facts are however, that there are a lot of parents who don’t cuddle their kids or work with them to keep them entertained or appeased, rather they assume the kid will tire and fall asleep which is not necessarily the case. That all said, the father comes across as yet another contrived grievance-driven person looking to make a name for himself and/or seeking some compensation for his woes.
If I were UAL I would ban this guy. Serial victim.
Note this ass clown blocked others from commenting on his tweets since he was getting replies from others who are skeptical to say the least.
Would love to see UA ban him. Just sounds like a bad person all around.
Some random comments on the issue in question and on the comments by others.
It’s extremely irritating to have a child screaming and disturbing passengers on a long haul flight. I’d be very annoyed and would probably raise the issue with the FA. However, it’s true that there are crying babies and toddlers on almost every flight and we all agree that one has to be tolerant.
I am surprised by the comments on “upper class Indians” and mid level managers and Indian neighbors revealing their misogyny in their treatment of their wives.
Upper class Indians travel with nannies. Their entire social behavior and lifestyle is very different. Spending 23,000$ doesn’t make anyone upper class (money is not the only determinant of class).
There is a nasty smell of prejudice in some of these remarks that indicate deep sympathy for the FA and other well off people sitting on those business class seats.
This guy seems to have gotten into the habit of complaining on social media not realizing that there are very determined people out there who have the time and energy to collate these tweets to make a complete chargesheet against him.
I empathize with people who have screaming kids. Obviously if they could silence their child they would.
I wear a large pair of Soundcore NC headphones so that screaming kids aren’t my problem.
I suspect the dialogue was a little less dramatic than depicted. The FA should also understand that kids scream and that’s life.
It would be nice if Airlines offered “noise free” cabins, like many European trains do, on certain flights. I would pay extra to be in a quiet cabin where people aren’t allowed to talk or make noise and there is an age minimum. But,bits not just kids who make too much noise. It drives me crazy when I’m in business class and I get a chatty FA who is constantly standing in the aisle making conversation with the passengers. I had one flight where the FA became super friendly with the passenger behind me in business class and, whenever he wasn’t working, he went back over and continued their conversation. For hours. It was so annoying having him standing right over to me talking over the plane noise.