I have only been married for eight years, but here is one thing I learned really quickly: only the best for your spouse. A sacrifice is an act of love. Today we explore this issue in the context of whether a husband can ditch his wife in economy class while he sits in first class.
Is It Fair That A Husband Books His Wife In Economy Class While He Sits In First Class?
Here’s the context:
- A man typically travels with his male “friend” to sporting events, leaving his wife at home to care for the kids
- This time, however, the man was traveling to a “new destination” and invited his wife along (and his friend too…)
- On the day of travel, the wife found she had been booked in economy class while the husband had booked himself and his friend in first class
- She protested and he responded, “I PAID FOR YOUR TICKET FFS!!! ISN’T THAT ENOUGH???”
- Nope, it was not enough – she refused to travel and stayed home
- Then the husband’s friend texted the wife also telling her how ungrateful she was
- On Reddit, she asked if she was in the wrong or her husband
To me, this is very clear-cut – the husband was totally in the wrong. For this matter, it seems I fall squarely in the majority camp. The issue is not whether the husband can afford an extra first class seat for his wife, but why he feels so little love for his wife that he is unwilling to offer the better (or at least equal) accommodation to her.
It’s really simple. The picture of marriage is dying to yourself to serve the other. When this is the goal, marriage can be a beautiful picture of love that promotes human flourishing.
There are so many warning signs here. I believe divorce is a very serious matter and our society makes it far too easy to cite “irreconcilable differences” to dissolve relationships. Marriage vows should be taken more seriously. At the same time, what a selfish man here. First, let’s dispel the notion that his wife does not work. My goodness, running a household and raising children is a full-time job, a hard one, and often thankless. She has earned my admiration for her role at home as mother, wife, and homemaker.
Second, what’s up with the friend? I have had “friends” who parasitically sucked my time and money for their own sordid gains. One of the great lessons I learned is that my wife always comes first and that there is great wisdom in raising boundaries between friends and your best friend, your spouse.
Finally, if she stays home and cares for the kids so that he can work outside the house and make money, that money belongs to her too. So when he buys a first class ticket for himself, she is paying for it.
I’m not necessarily calling this situation abuse, but this couple really needs to work on communication and re-evaluate priorities.
I do many things imperfectly, but if there is only one first class seat on a flight, my wife always gets it. And that’s not being chivalrous, per se, or to further outmoded notions of gender, but because I love her.
CONCLUSION
I’m on the wife’s side here. She should not be relegated to coach while her husband and friend fly upfront. It’s more than about comfort…it speaks volumes about his (lack of) love for his wife.
(H/T: Your Mileage May Vary via View From The Wing)
I agree with all points except if the two of them were to talk about it, she was to know ahead of time, and it was very important to him to try a particular first class product I don’t disagree with taking for yourself from time to time. But it is quite clear that this isn’t what happened with this story, and it’s also equally obvious that she had no say whatsoever in the matter. That’s why I have a problem with the way he acted in this story.
Your point is well-made.
“And I’ve got news for you. That means you gay.” -Ice-T
Your wife is the last person in the world you’d invite with you to a sporting event (unless she’s actually into that sort of thing). Clearly he did this ticket shenanigans just to break up with her. Nothing to see here.
This marriage is over,the husband obviously made his choice,and the wife would completely lack self esteem to accept flying in coach under these circumstances.Reminds me of a French film “Menage”,wherein Gerard Depardieu and a woman’s husband sleep in bed,while she sleeps on the floor next to it.
Everything about this is an outrageous scenario. The husband’s actions and words are absurd. His friend is completely out of line for jumping in the middle of it, too.
I don’t mean to “blame the victim” but have to think that someone who would go through all of this and then have to turn to reddit for justification is someone who has been taken advantage of or abused so much that she doesn’t even have a good sense any more for what is appropriate treatment.
“dying to yourself” probably meant to be “vowing to yourself”.
For me the issue isn’t just that he booked her a seat in economy…its that he dumped her jn economy while having his friend up in First with him.
Also, yes, marriage should be taken more seriously, but sometimes divorce is the only option.
Never knew that I’d see Matthew deep-diving into a reddit post here. But, you make solid points.
From a personal perspective, if a guy’s wife/partner allows a guy to go to more than two trips with friends in a year, that person is very lucky. I’ve seen my friends and colleagues beg their partners to just go on one trip with friends even though they’re making a similar salary as me (seven figures for reference). The craziest deal I’ve seen/heard was my best bud promising to go to his wife’s parents for the holidays and cleaning the house and taking care of the kids for every weekend for a year while his wife gets to go on “girl weekend retreats” every weekend. Also, don’t you think it’s a little strange that this husband goes on so many trips with this “friend” or is it just me?
These aren’t just trips, they’re sporting events. But difference.
Had to insert that 7 figure reference for low key bragging. Hilarious. Fyi, no one cares.
Today I learned that people actually think posts at r/AITA are about real situations.
Does it really matter? It’s an interesting discussion whether this particular anecdote is true or false.
Fair enough
It isn’t just aboit just generating content but also generating comments as well…
Who knows what the real situation is between these people, but it we were to take it as face value, yeah, this is messed up. Book her in first.
He actually said it does not matter if it’s true or false! This is what passes for journalism these days!
I guess you never have seen the advice columns in newspapers. No one is claiming this actually happened, who can prove it? It’s meant to generate discussion.
If the roles were reversed and his wife was traveling with a g/f and he was in coach I wonder if this would have made it to Reddit or this post?
I see what you did there!!!
If the two women are in first and the man is in coach, he should of bought himself a first class seat. If she can afford first and he cannot, he should consider himself lucky she even married him. It’s not a wife responsibility to provide financially.
You are indeed correct – spot on!
He is indeed a first class jerk!
Some have devoted whole paras to the topic. You’ve nailed it in a sentence.
I would have switched with my wife. And he needs to get rid of his “friend”
1 – I had the impression he dumped her on the plane after she realized she was in economy and not first class with the guys. Seems she just refused to go at all.
2 – it’s interesting how many people assume there’s more to the male relationship that just traveling or sports buddies.
3 – there were infinitely more problems with this marriage if he felt he had to go on these trips without her whether it was because she had zero interest in sports (which wouldn’t matter in the least at most travel destinations where she could do other stuff), or whether there truly was an attraction to his male friend that he could only explore in when his wife was hundreds of miles away.
4 – they are both better off and no one ITA
Not sure how true this story is…….and if it is it raises lots of questions……but……the man clearly doesn’t value the partnership.
In short, he’s a jerk of the first order.
She’s better off without the twat..
I’ve flown with my wife. She usually gets the window seat and I get the middle seat. It is what it is. Although he screwed up, it would be stupid to divorce over this if the rest of the marriage is ok. The question is “will he learn from it?”
LOL !Years ago, my husband upgraded himself and left me in the middle Y seat. After we reached a cruise altitude on this 2.5 hour journey, I walked up to First where he was enjoying dinner and quietly remarked that when we reached his parents home, and they had finished yelling at him for leaving me in coach (we almost always flew F ) that I was concerned that there wouldnt be enough left of him for me to punish.
NEVER happened again ! EVER ! LOL
Gay
If he paid for all 3 tickets, that means she paid half for the 2 jerks in first class and half her economy ticket. And she’s essentially been paying half for all the trips for those 2 selfish guys.
Dump him fast. And then get half the joint assets and go on a trip with girl friends.
Under ordinary circumstances (such as if I was at dinner with Matt) I wouldn’t say anything, but this is a blog and discussion is welcomed, so being respectful, my 2 cents:
Matt says his wife always gets the 1st class seat and it’s not about chivalry, but yet, wouldn’t she if she cared about him ask him if he keep it sometimes? Quite frankly, I keep track of what I think is fair and if my wife complains, I hear her out as well. That’s like, totally, none of my business but he put it out there so I’m saying something. I want to point out that as humans, to avoid conflict, we need to set boundaries particularly with spouses so things don’t fester (18 years married so far.) This segues into the next point:
This woman didn’t need others to chime in as to whether her husband was a jerk because that’s precisely what she showed which… sounds a lot like her wanting others to pile onto her 1 sided story, yes? And she said she’s been unhappy for a while now. And this leads to the next point:
She’s being encouraged to seek alimony and child-support for her “sacrifice” as a SAH mom. Well, consider that most women would not want to marry a man to be a SAH husband. Being a breadwinner means often working hard at a job that is unpleasant not only during the marriage, but before it to get to that level. One 30 something career gal I dated had the nerve, after about 1 month or so, to demand I “man up” and agree to be a breadwinner as she would quit her job, buy her the home with the white picket fence, diamond ring and such, and SHE would be the one considered to have “sacrificed” meaning in the event of a divorce, I lose everything (she didn’t say that, but the “sacrifice” term was as if she was doing me the favor.)
I told her that sounded like a great deal, but I wasn’t interested and broke up with her on the spot. My old Swiss woman friends laughed their heads off at her audacity. Not making this up: She drunk dialed me and I sent her to voicemail (back then) and she threatened to kill my cat. I called her back when she was sober and told her to leave me alone and she did.
Now all that said, a friend of mine who traveled a lot for work gets regularly got upgraded to business and left his family back in coach and the wife was ok with it. She didn’t mind. Now if she did, that would be another matter and he probably should give up the seat, IMO, out of fairness he gets to travel business regularly and she doesn’t. My wife got upgraded to 1st once and she was super happy to enjoy it as a thrill. In that regard, sure, let you wife enjoy a taste of upgrade travel at your expense.
If your wife is so kind that you never feel that your needs are not cared for, good for you. With my Ukrainian wife, she’d reduce a typical American (or German) man into a crying blob in a week with her harshness at times. I request regularly she direct it at the invaders.
I’m like your friend. My wife always gets the F seat when we travel together, because most of the time I’m traveling for business without her and my company pays for me to fly in business class. She gets the premium seat because it’s a treat for her.
I always dump my wife before the trip, she probably would start problems with my girlfriend on the plane if I didn’t.
I’m a male and I would divorce him in a New York second.. All stop…
“Marriage vows should be taken more seriously.” – stop policing other people’s marriages.
Stop making promises you do not intend to keep.
Agreed 110 percent!
It may be that he has a relationship with his friend, which appears to be stronger than his relationship with his wife.
Wow! This is more of what passes for aviation news, Mr. Klint? Your last article about the two obese passengers was garbage as well. And if you have to spend that much time in the comment section defending yourself perhaps you should reconsider your stance, hmm? Going back to Google to block this site! What utter tripe.
Oh, I enjoy the banter. I see no need to “defend” myself. Thank you for your click.
A clever ploy to make sure she stayed at home 🙂
He is the man of the house. I wish we still had this level of traditionalism in the United States. You don’t have this sort of nonsense occuring in Saudi Arabia for example. She should be happy she was invited along.