This week I’m “liveblogging” my trip to Ukraine. Unlike traditional reports, these posts will be shorter and more frequent.
Little did I know when we pulled out of passport control into the no man’s land between Ukraine and Poland that the biggest wait was ahead of us. Over the next four hours, I was asked to smuggle cigarettes into Poland, grilled at the Polish border over my artwork, and then encountered one of the nastiest latrines I’ve ever encountered (and I’ve encountered some pretty bad ones over the years).
Crossing The Polish Border By Bus
Someone warned me in the comments section that this would happen and sure enough, it did. As we pulled up to the Polish border, a man took a carton of cigarettes from his bag and started handing two packs to every person around him, including me.
I declined and when he started speaking to me in Ukrainian I told him (in English) I did not understand. Apparently, people are allowed to each bring in two packs of cigarettes into Poland, where smokes are a whole lot more expensive than in Ukraine. This dude was trying to save some money and enlisted the help of those around him, most of whom willingly stuffed two packs into their pockets.
The border process to enter Poland was very slow. We sat for over there hours on the bus and did not move.
Finally, we pulled up to the checkpoint and were ordered off the bus along with all of our belongings (when leaving Ukraine, all of our items remained on the bus).
Inside, a passport control booth slowly processed each traveler into Poland and therefore into the Schengen Area. Every bag was scanned and my artwork (and a bust of Lenin I also purchased from Volodymyr) drew a lot of attention.
The canvas was tightly wrapped in plastic to insulate it during the journey home and an official ordered me to unwrap it. I pleaded with him to let me leave it wrapped and handed him the export document from the Ukrainian Ministry of Culture certifying that I had the authority to remove this painting from Ukraine.
After reading that over (it wasn’t clear to me if the Polish border guard could even read Ukrainian) and closely examining the Lenin bust, he let me go without having to unwrap the painting.
On the other side, we huddled in the cold room waiting for everyone to process. No one was allowed outside until everyone was stamped in.
I took this opportunity to use the restroom, though found the restroom absolutely deplorable (hence my barb about Polish “hospitality” in the title).
It’s a shame his border outpost was so third-world because Poland is an advanced, first-world nation.
As we finally pulled out of the border station, there was still a 3.5-hour drive ahead of us even though, per our schedule, we were due to arrive in one hour.
Yes, I cut it too close and would miss my fight. I’ll say more about that next.
But by this point, I was so tired that I laid my head down and was almost instantly asleep.
I’ve seen much MUCH worse looking toilets than that in the US. One that comes to mind is at a rest area on I65 in Indiana where I almost vomited as soon as I stepped into the stall
It’s sad about the “Polish hospitality” situation and I think I can explain how a “market solution” is to blame in this case. Usually, Polish and even many Ukrainian restrooms had a monitor who kept them clean and charged for access, usually about a 1/2 dollar (in Poland.) If the restroom wasn’t clean, people wouldn’t pay for it simple as that. This was the case for decades. In this case, you were arriving late at night and it’s been a while since it’s been cleaned, sadly. I’ve seen awful toilets at public places in the states as well such as back in 2010 in Philadelphia’s 30th street station that, I swear, looked like it hadn’t been updated since the movie “Witness” with Harrison Ford.
Regarding you losing your flight. I’m so sorry about that. I’d have advised you to avoid traveling by bus and instead at least take the train at the Polish border to Warzszawa which is quite fast and efficient. The sleeper train with the smokers could be avoided in that regular PKP trains restrict smoking as well as have clean diner cars.
In any case, you had a sort of adventure which brings back memories for me.
Matthew, really, that toilet is no worse than a truck stop anywhere in America at 2PM. I’ve seen a lot worse, China comes to mind and still haunts me.
I guess I avoid truck stops! 😉
@Matthew: You haven’t traveled much into the countryside of Latin America and Asia. No, I am not talking the big cities. I am talking the s..t holes in Brazil, Paraguay, Honduras, Thailand, Philippines. This toilet looks like a Four Seasons when compared to what I have seen in my life. It even has toilet paper. Seriously, you haven’t seen bad toilets yet.
I’ve seen nasty squat toilets in third world countries all over the world, but my point was that Poland is not a third-world nation. It is a first-word nation.
“Poland is not a third-world. Afoot but a first-word nation.”
wut?
Your story has been fascinating to read and at times has had me laughing so hard I could hardly read the next sentence. You’ve had a whirlwind experience that none of us can imagine. God bless the people of the Ukraine. Safe travels to you, Matthew.
The photo of the toilet doesn’t do it justice I assume. Heck, it even has a seat still attached 🙂
The push back at customs/immigration is no better or worse considering next door is a “conflict zone”. I would imagine many families (and thieves) are trying to smuggle out anything of value should Moscow make a second assault.
As for the toilet, I’ve experienced worse at restaurants in NYC.
Several years ago took the train from Kyiv to Warsaw. I think I was the one not smuggling booze and cigarettes into Poland.
A few hours before reaching the border there were drills and banging as everyone hid their goods in every nook and space. Border patrol agents on each side walked off the train with garbage bags filled. And once in Poland the drills and banging resumed.
Certainly a unique experience. Even then the US passport was gold. I was probably the only person whose compartment wasn’t heavily searched.
Meant to say only one not smuggling booze and cigs
Re: cigarettes – there is a certain degree of ‘whatever it takes’ in Ukraine. Not to state the obvious, but realize that after the Soviet collapse, nobody had experience with the type of bureaucracy that works well in free markets. The power vacuum left gaps which could be filled with the only people who had experience navigating it – notably those were had already been corrupt politicians. Over time and in slow steps, the country is getting its footing and driving out these vestiges of the past.
But for the people trying to live their lives, it takes quite a bit of creativity to get by. I have a Ukrainian partner and it’s very evident! The cigarette story is just one small example. Where they see a gap in the market to exploit, they’ll do it. To me it speaks of their resourcefulness and creativity; every bit counts. Many Ukrainian “babushkas” would do vodka-for-caviar runs to the Caspian Sea and get enough spending money to get by. Others trade goods for a bit more attention when medicine or medical treatment is necessary (Ukraine has state-provided care only in the most nominal sense). But things get done. I know my perspective is colored a bit and I’m reading things that reinforce my views…but I still think it’s fascinating to see.
You do realize it’s in a border stop with a third world country, yeah? It’s actually still miles ahead of the ones in Ukraine, which you neglected to picture and were only satisfied with a one-word description. What did you expect?
Ukraine did not have one – at least a public one.
Yes it did. The one you mentioned in passing in the liquid consumption dilemma post. The one at the border was still better than that one, am I wrong?
Why not help the guy out on the cigarettes? It costs you literally nothing and helps someone else.
I would have – at the time I wasn’t aware of what he was trying to do (slight delay in posting)
“It’s a shame his border outpost was so third-world because Poland is an advanced, first-world nation.” … Said almost no one before!
According to the definition from the International Monetary Fund (IMF), Poland is a developing country because of its lower economic performance. (Sourced from wolrddata.info)
So no. Poland is hardly advanced nor first-world so let us not overdramatize it.
To the comment by H.T.,Poland has knocked Sweden out of 9th place of top EU economies,in less than 20 years of EU membership.