I’ve asked my three-year-old daughter Claire Marie to offer her thoughts on our recent 787-9 flight from Los Angeles to London on United Airlines in Polaris Business Class.
You can find similar reviews from my son Augustine here (LAX-LHR) and here (ZRH-SFO).
Daddy thought it was only fair that I get a chance to share my first-ever flight on United Airlines in Polaris Business Class from Los Angeles to London after Auggie had the chance when he was younger. I quite like flying: where else can I eat sweets and watch movies all day long?
A Three-Year-Old Offers Her Impressions Of United Airlines Polaris Business Class
You know, I’ve got Daddy wrapped around my finger. I know when to tilt my head and smile such that I get exactly what I want. He tries to resist, but I’m just too good. Well, almost. He draws a line when it comes to screens. He claims “we don’t need zombies in this house” and he and Mama routinely grab the iPad from me (because I know where they keep it and often grab it when they are not looking).
But on this flight, I got to watch Bluey and Frozen and Cocomelon. Plus, these kind ladies kept feeding me food and checking on me. I like apple juice. I had a lot of it. That’s something else I don’t get at home.
Daddy kept an eye on me, but I told him to mind his own business.
We had a delay because the man said that the computer did not work. That upset me because I was right in the middle of watching something when they had to reboot the system. Thankfully, the kind flight attendant gave me an activity book to keep me busy during the delay, though eventually, Daddy took me into the jet bridge and told me to run around so that I would get tired.
It took three hours, but finally we left and took off. They made me put on this ridiculous extra seatbelt around me that made it impossible to move, but I took it off after we took off and returned to my screen.
While I would have preferred caviar and chateaubriand, Daddy had ordered a gluten-free dinner for me, figuring a bland piece of chicken would be best. He was probably right because I eat bland pieces of chicken all the time. I actually don’t like caviar and chateaubriand.
The meal was great. I love salad dressing with a little lettuce and this sugary mess of a balsamic vinaigrette was a highlight. There was also a Kind Bar, which was a kind gesture, since I kind of eat these all the time in my school lunch. How did United know?
Then came ice cream, which I get on Sundays at home (it’s how he bribes me to go to church). This was a Wednesday, but Daddy said it was okay because he knew I would start screaming if he refused to give it to me.
Daddy then said it was time to sleep, but I wasn’t ready and instead pointed to the screen. He gave in (lol) because he knows I can turn on the waterworks. That would not have been nice to all those people trying to sleep around us.
Mama, meanwhile, had checked out and was enjoying her “break” in the forward cabin, fast asleep while Daddy was left to tend to us. Daddy gets funny when we are on an airplane: he’s pretty strict at home, but will do anything to keep me quiet on an airplane. I really did use that to my advantage on this flight.
Eventually, though, I fell asleep…and slept soundly for the entire second half of the flight.
When I woke up, we were in London – Daddy had the audacity not to wake me up for breakfast and I was simply famished. Thankfully, I planned ahead and had some goldfish gummies (editor’s note: this is what Claire Marie calls Goldfish crackers from Pepperidge Farm).
The purser stopped by before landing and thanked us for flying with United. I had not seen a gesture like that since we flew Lufthansa First Class together a couple of years ago.
CONCLUSION
I had a very nice flight on United Airlines, my first ever long-haul flight in Polaris Business Class. That whole delay thing was bad, though on the other hand, it gave me more time to watch the same six-minute Bluey episode 30 more times. The flight attendants were very nice and I enjoyed my bland piece of chicken. Daddy says we will fly United again. That’s fine with me.
@Matthew, funny & fun post! In your review, you mentioned not even bothering to ask 11A to swap with Heidi because 8A was an inferior trade. Did you consider offering up the superior 9A so that you’d be between your kids?
I did and would have done that, but he was already settled and half asleep when we boarded!
Excellent job CMK! Remember to always try to be good and only use your powers of persuasion for the most important things. Like asking for a pony.
Very cute. And then you wake up and she is 17 and asking you for a car instead of a Kind bar and more ice cream.
Seriously, you have a wonderful family and you are a great father, Matthew.
Wonderful post. Thanks for reminding us that flying is supposed to be fun. I’m sure you made the trip a bit more enjoyable for the flight attendants as well.
Great post, but I think you made an error in the byline 🙂
Lol.
Absolutely despicable review when so many children in our world suffer from malnutrition and your little one doesn’t even like caviar but hey ho …the ice-cream is more than welcome.
I sometimes travel business class or first class but in no way I would share your experience.
A total disrespect for the less fortunate….
I am so shocked, unbelievable to share this review…. Try to educate your kids and help and contribute to the welfare of those who needs a little more than caviar !!!!
Appalling review.
dick. made an account just for you
Good Comrade!
Xi and Kim are very very proud of you!
We have a winner by a landslide on the worst comment of the week!
Lucky that you don’t like caviar. When my big sister was your age my parents were having a party with caviar and my sister wanted some. Figuring that she’d hate the stuff my mom gave her a taste. My sister looked thoughtful then said “More”. My mom groaned in despair over the monster she accidentally had created.
Dear Claire Marie,
Even though Daddy wrote that for you, your perspective was just as precious as you, and I hope you never have to read these mean-spirited comments from people who should not bother clicking on this page if they are that bitter. You are just as kind as the Kind bars. Please stay that way.
Sincerely,
Another person who tries to be kind
WHy no pics of your wife?
Embarrased?
My beautiful wife has made clear she does not want her face on this blog.
Matthew, your children are adorable and it’s clear you are a doting father. God bless them and your family.
She should take over duties on Sunday – it would definitely elevate the blog!
I always skip the caviar and chateaubriand on United, too. Cute kids, good dad.
Cute. More of this please.
P.S. my son challenges yours to a hair growing contest. Pull up some of the photos I have of him on Instagram and you’ll see that he’ll give Augustine a run for his money.
Excellent…these reviews really do make me laugh. Your humour is very dry (a good thing!) at times. I’m from the UK so perhaps I appreciate the sardonic asides such as the ice cream on Sunday, and only eating bland pieces of chicken at home more than most (just to be clear, I have seen the main review that you yourself wrote about this flight). Have you considered doing one from Augustine’s perspective? I’d imagine he’s much older now than he was the last time he “wrote” a review of a flight (I think it was either the LAX-LHR flight, or ZRH-SFO flight that took place well before the pandemic hit). Might be an interesting (and different!) perspective to consider…
Am I the only one thinking you should maybe leave your kids out of your work and stop using them as props? It’s kind’ve wierd your wife doesn’t want to be a part of your work, but is happy to have snaps of your children uploaded onto the internet… Also not having your children in your line of sight on a plane is a strange choice for minors.