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Home  >  Humor • TSA  >  TSA Antics at Washington Dulles
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TSA Antics at Washington Dulles

Matthew Klint Posted onJuly 29, 2010 4 Comments

I returned home from Buenos Aires today and had to endure a torturous 45-minute wait in the immigration line today at Dulles. After my poor experiences in Montreal, I vowed to apply for Global Entry: only $100 for five years. But as I mentioned last week, my trip to South America was a last-minute idea and I never got around to applying.

I thought 7am would be a better time to arrive at IAD than in the middle of the afternoon when many flights from Europe arrive, but no…this was bad. UA flights from Sao Paulo, Buenos Aires, and Dubai all arrive around the same time. Plus the Ethiopian Airlines’ flight from Rome and the South African Airways’ flight from Dakar also arrive about that time. Needless to say, immigration took quite a while today. 

But my fun wasn’t over. At the midfield immigration check at IAD, after dealing with DHS you deal with TSA before you can re-enter the terminal. For some reason, the TSA seems to post its "best" agents in this section (and yes, I am being very facetious).

A loud-mouthed female employee was yelling at passengers who has just cleared customs to line up and form a single-file line. She wasn’t pleasant, she wasn’t kind: she was gruff and rude. What a sad way to welcome visitors into America…

Next came a guy who yelled that everyone needed to take all their liquids out of the bags and that the lines were slow because "y’all people aint complyin wit da rules". He kept going and going. When a passenger asked him to tone it down, he responded defensively saying that he was just doing his job and keeping people safe. Our hero…

Then there was a TSO who told everyone to take off their wrist watches and belts (perhaps for a TSA retirement fund?) because they would set off the metal detector. A sun-baked American woman with a distinct Mississippi drawl (and boasting only three front teeth [seriously]) yelled out loud, "If I take muh belt off, my pants are gonna fall down. You want me to strip for you?" The agent laughed and said no, but she thought she was a comedian and with a captive audience around her started yelling "strip show! Nude woman in the house! Strip show! Nude woman in the house!"

Since the TSA was so concerned about liquids coming out of the bag, I naturally decided to leave my liquids in my bag. Does it surprise you that they never caught them?

Finally it was up the elevator and back into the stale C Concourse with a few minutes to spare before my flight. Another wonderful immigration experience at Washington Dulles.

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About Author

Matthew Klint

Matthew is an avid traveler who calls Los Angeles home. Each year he travels more than 200,000 miles by air and has visited more than 135 countries. Working both in the aviation industry and as a travel consultant, Matthew has been featured in major media outlets around the world and uses his Live and Let's Fly blog to share the latest news in the airline industry, commentary on frequent flyer programs, and detailed reports of his worldwide travel.

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4 Comments

  1. BTA Reply
    July 29, 2010 at 1:14 pm

    I was at DCA a couple of weeks ago, and heard the same thing about “all watches and belts” coming off. Thought it was odd. Maybe a MWAA thing?

    Also, kudos on keeping the liquids in your bag. I did that for a while, but eventually decided the slight hassle of taking it out is easier than the chance of haranguing by a smurf.

  2. RDimperio Reply
    July 29, 2010 at 1:37 pm

    I met the same bunch, it seems, on my last international flight through Dulles. Not the stripper/passenger. Contrast that to Charlotte where everyone is so much more pleasant.

  3. Matthew Reply
    July 31, 2010 at 7:16 pm

    @BTA: Could be a DC-TSA directive. I’ll keep my ears open (and watch on) when I travel from Southern California in the weeks to come.

    @RDimperio: There’s something about IAD. All the others airports I clear immigration in (ORD/DEN/SFO/LAX/HNL) don’t have TSA in the same room as DHS. Is CLT like IAD where you can immediately re-enter the secure side from a special area rather than having to exit and go through standard security?

  4. Beau Reply
    June 2, 2011 at 4:39 am

    I flew through DCA a few weeks ago as part of a high-school national competition (SY, it sucked, and I didn’t even get to use my *A Silver for the free bags) and didn’t remove my 3-1-1 bag, my medication bag (liquids, creams, and pills) or separate two of my three laptops (IT competition, so all were necessary.) The TSA woman who was screening didn’t notice either of these, but she noticed the small amount (maybe 1/2 cup) of water left in my (Israeli Jew) friend’s water bottle in his bag. I am a Caucasian male, with a Midwestern accent. Guess which one of us was selected for additional screening? I even had three pair of scissors in my bag. Ohh, TSA.

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