Oy.
I’ve had bad seatmates before, but I don’t think I’ve never had one quite so bad as my seatmate on a recent late-evening American Airlines flight to Southern California.
Bloody Mary Karen, The Worst Seatmate I’ve Ever Had In American Airlines First Class
I was traveling from Chicago (ORD) and settled into my window seat for the four-hour flight to the West Coast. I noticed my seatmate smelled of liquor…she began talking almost immediately about how much she hates Chicago and how she was just at an airport bar in which a French tourist was given his 4.86 cents in change all in pennies.
486 pennies, I asked?
“Yeah, the bartender was such a b*tch. She saw he had trouble speaking English and was just nasty even though she was a foreigner too. We all stood up for him and forced the bartender to give him dollar bills instead of pennies, but he still wound up with 86 pennies. We used Google translate to tell him to leave the 86 pennies as a tip for that c*nt. He didn’t understand what tipping was and said they don’t do that in France. Poor guy.”
I could tell this was going to be talker and I really needed to get work done on this flight, but I nodded and said, “That’s really horrible, particularly for a foreign visitor.”
She then went off on a diatribe about how horrible Chicago Airport was and it was the “worst” airport she’s ever been to. I listened politely and then she repeated the story about the French guy at the bar…almost verbatim. I knew then she was drunk.
The flight attendant offered water or sparkling wine for a pre-departure beverage and you can guess what she had…
She then told me the story about the airport bar a third time.
I put on my headphones and turned away from her, but she kept talking. She asked me, “Do you live in Chicago?”
In hindsight, I wish I would have just ignored her, but I struggle with that and explained that LA is home.
She then told me the airport bar story a fourth time…how drunk was this woman?
She started telling me about her work…she was a marriage therapist and did therapy work for Riverside County. She asked if I needed any marriage therapy. No, we’re just doing fine…she mentioned something about how “these people work the system” and “live off you and me with their Section 8 housing, food stamps, and welfare.”
Oh goodness…
I pulled out my phone and began working.
A flight attendant came around to take drink orders and she ordered a double Bloody Mary.
She then told me about her divorce and about her children, then about about her father, who recently passed away.
Flagging down the flight attendant, she asked for another double Bloody Mary. He happily obliged…
She started showing me family photos and telling me all about her daughters and that she loves her daughter “even though she’s a lesbian” but that her own mother is very upset about the whole matter.
This went on and on and even though I pulled out my laptop, opened it, and tried to ignore her, she continued talking (and was talking loudly).
Finally about 90 minutes into the flight she pulled out her phone and began scrolling instagram…with the sound on. Blaring.
The flight attendant did nothing but BRING HER A THIRD BLOODY MARY.
Folks, I could not possibly make this up.
At least she asked for a glass of water with her third cocktail (six shots of vodka while onboard…)
She had AirPods but apparently forgot and so the entire cabin was treated to disturbing noise from her phone.
I put on my noise-cancelling headphones and was able to drown out most of the sound, but then I felt a tap on my shoulder. Although I said I had to work, she then asked about my work and I mentioned a bit about what I do and how I’ve found myself recently in caretaker role.
Big mistake on my part.
She asked me if I needed help.
No, thank you.
She then asked again, saying that she could sit next to my loved one and provide “positive energy.”
No, thank you.
I wasn’t upset until this point, but I soon became upset.
She asked, “Are you a believer?”
Uh-oh.
Yes, as a matter of fact I am, as regular readers know quite well.
She told about her “very special relationship with Jesus Christ” and how she “can speak tongues and heal.”
Uh-oh.
Rather than debate with her about the miracles ending with the apostolic era (I am a cessationist), I just affirmed what a source of hope my faith is.
She told me all about her church, and the husband and wife pastoral team who oversee the “miracles” that are going on there.
I tired to return to my work, but latching on to the fact that I was Christian, she suddenly became aggressive.
“Take me home with you! Let me sit with you! I’ll send healing power into your loved one.”
I just ignored her.
She asked again and again and again and again.
I just ignored her.
The flight attendant came around asking for final drinks before landing.
Folks no kidding, she had a fourth Bloody Mary and the flight attendant happily served it to her.
Unbelievable…
As we descended, she sat silently sipping her drinks, sensing that I was not interested in what she had to offer.
But on final approach, she tried once more.
“Please, take me home with you. Please. Please. Trust me, I can work the power of the Holy Spirt. Please give me a chance. Please take me home.”
I sat stone-faced watching her.
We landed and the moment the seatbelt light went off, she bolted up and ran to the front door of the aircraft.
At that moment, the folks behind me, in front of me, and across the aisle from me all turned and commiserated with me for what had been an absolutely horrible flight. It was very sweet that others were apologizing to me. One man across the aisle joked, “It’s a good thing I switched seats with her.”
CONCLUSION
I’m not exaggerating at all…this flight went down 100% as I presented it. I suppose can complain to AA that its flight attendant could not detect a drunk, but other than using her phone without headphones, she was not boisterous. But what a miserable flight…
A marriage therapist you say?
Exactly!
And I have her name and number since she gave it to me. I see she is a County employee…makes me want to make a phone call, though I find people usually hang themselves and no outside intervention is necessary.
My guess is her clients may be struggling . But not your business. Flight attendants should have alcoholism support cards severed with the 4th drink
Your tax dollar$$ hard at work !
So, marriage therapist is a county job?
No, that’s not her role there.
Because she was so drunk, you should have gotten her a hotel room and stay there with her to make sure she didn’t vomit and aspirate!
(just kidding)
wow. You just wrote a story about my nightmare travel scenario
Bad form on the Flight Attendant, unless….. There is trick that some Flight Attendants use with mixers. If the customer appears intoxicated, but keeps requesting mixers, the trick is to pour the Bloody Mary mix, take just a spoon full of Vodka and put on the top, but do not stir it. The customer thinks they are getting a regular Bloody Mary with that first sip, but it really is a Virgin Mary with a slight smattering of Vodka. Works well on Screw Drivers too.
I feel bad for you, but also the women who badgered you. She clearly seems to be self medicated with alcohol.
Learn to ignore, it’s crucial to survive in today’s world. I wouldn’t have even looked at her.
A cessationist huh? Interesting…. He is the same today and yesterday… they haven’t ceased but be it unto you according to your faith
He is the Alpha and Omega, but the gifts are not.
I’m not talking about all spiritual gifts, but certain gifts of the age including healing and tongues.
The smell of that much liquor makes me ill just to breathe it if I had to sit with her. Not surprising the airline staff kept letting her buy alcohol to earn the airlines money. Sports stadiums do the same to which I have been baptized with their drinks spilling all over me from their drunkenness. Companies are their own worst enemies for selling too much alcohol to cause problems for their customers after all the seats aren’t free. We pay for this unwillingly.
This was first class so the liquor was free-flowing and she took full advantage!
She claims to be a Christian, and yet she fails to stop herself from alcohol…Isn’t that not Christ-like behavior? Drinking isn’t bad, as the Bible highlights, as even Jesus’ first miracle was turning water into wine. Drinking to get drunk is what’s wrong here, and she couldn’t stop herself.
I’m just impressed she was flying FC. My life experiences make me think she’s also a “professional” on the side and was soliciting you without coming out and directly saying it. Thinking she was in Chicago hooking up with a rich John for a couple days.
Pure bad luck that really tested your patience!
“First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald –
“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” – Ernest Hemingway –
“Drinking is an emotional thing. It joggles you out of the standardism of everyday life, out of everything being the same. It yanks you out of your body and your mind and throws you against the wall. I have the feeling that drinking is a form of suicide where you’re allowed to return to life and begin all over the next day. It’s like killing yourself, and then you’re reborn. I guess I’ve lived about ten or fifteen thousand lives now.” – Charles Bukowski –
Agree on all fronts and will also add that’s a crap ton of sodium!
Mathew,
What an “interesting” flight you had. I guess you could have shared Ephesians 5:18 with her…
“And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit,”
But then she might have (theoretically) replied citing 5:21, lol.
Was in LA last month and had the opportunity to visit and attend worship at GCC, (the late) Pastor John MacArthur’s church.
I think the real crime here is having a bloody Mary after 10:00 AM
I know a lot of people in France. Every single one of them understands the concept of tipping and, while it’s not a French thing, it is very American.
Years ago on Northwest MSP-West Coast on a DC-10 in first class had a woman next to me, middle aged, heavy on the wine, tell me loudly about how how she is ready to move to Australia because everyone there is ‘white’
In some ways I miss the pre wifi days when more people talked. For every questionable one there were a dozen interesting ones. Back then if you were in first class you were more often traveling a lot for business (elite status based on miles flown), were pretty well off (paying cash rates that were a bigger gap vs coach today), or a really clever person (gaming the programs by flying creatively – pre blog/instagram or big credit card bonus days).
But I value having wifi, so…tradeoffs.
Did you post about your caretaker role? Missed it if so, but bless you for that.
What a story. But, a first hand story is great to report!