A United Airlines passenger shared a story about a seat swap conversation after ending up between a married couple who had booked the window and aisle hoping the middle would remain empty. I have some sympathy for almost everyone involved here, but there is one part of this strategy that drives me crazy.
Couples Who Book Aisle And Window Seats Should Not Talk Over The Middle Passenger
A United passenger shared a story on Reddit about initiating the “dreaded seat swap conversation” on a longhaul flight from Rome (FCO) to Newark (EWR).
She and her husband had to change flights at the last minute after a death in the family and ended up with two Economy Plus seats near each other, but not together. She was in a middle seat, while her husband was in an aisle seat one row behind.
Her plan was simple enough: ask the aisle passenger in her row if he would trade for her husband’s aisle seat one row back so she could sit next to her husband.
That is not an unreasonable ask since it is essentially trading identical seats. The key word is ask.
As I’ve constantly argued here, no passenger is obligated to switch seats. You paid for your seat, selected your seat, or were assigned your seat, and therefore you are entitled to keep it. A seat swap request should always be framed as a request, not an expectation. If the other passenger says no, that should be the end of it.
In this case, the aisle and window seats in her row were occupied by a married couple who had deliberately booked those seats hoping the middle seat would remain empty. I have no problem with that strategy. In fact, I do it when traveling with my wife.
Sometimes it works beautifully. Sometimes you get lucky and the middle seat stays open. Other times the flight goes out full, and someone ends up between you.
That is the risk you take. But then this happened:
“The wife then chimes in and basically offers her husband to switch with ME – meaning her husband would be in the middle seat and I would sit in his aisle seat. Well, the husband wasn’t happy with that and then got mad at ME saying he would absolutely NOT be taking the middle seat. I’m sitting there super calm, basically saying I didn’t ask him to switch with me for the middle and we were fine just leaving things as is.
“Whatever, nobody switches seats, I sat in the middle the entire flight, meanwhile these two were having FULL ON CONVERSATIONS, leaning over me in the middle like I wasn’t even there.”
What you cannot do, in my view, is deliberately book aisle and window, refuse to switch when the middle fills, and then spend the flight talking across the stranger trapped between you, which is apparently what happened here.
That is so obnoxious.
The Aisle-Window Strategy Comes With Responsibilities
There is nothing wrong with a couple choosing aisle and window seats. Some couples genuinely prefer that setup. One person wants the window, the other wants the aisle. Fine.
But if you choose that strategy and the middle seat fills, you have three decent options.
- Offer the middle passenger the aisle or window so you can sit together.
- Keep your assigned seats and basically act like two solo travelers.
- Keep your assigned seats but communicate sparingly and respectfully, only when necessary.
What you should not do is lean over the middle passenger, pass items back and forth, and conduct a full conversation across their personal space for nine hours.
The middle seat is already the worst seat in the row. Be nice and don’t make it worse…
I do have compassion for the couple trying to sit together. Emergencies happen and sometimes we have to be on a flight and just cannot reserve the seats we prefer. Not that it did not happen here, but a reminder: if you ask someone to move and they say no, accept it graciously.
CONCLUSION
I have no problem with couples booking the aisle and window in hopes that the middle seat stays empty. It is a common strategy, and I have used it myself. But if the middle seat fills, the game is over. Either offer the middle passenger a better seat so you can sit together, or stay in your assigned seats and be courteous to the person between you..
Seat swap requests are fine when made politely and without expectation. Talking over a middle-seat passenger for an entire longhaul flight is not.
What are your thoughts on this incident?
What are your thoughts on this incident?
I think Elon Musk should be taxed at 100% and the money given to AOC. She is mad at rich people. She hasn’t attacked people with many frequent flyer miles yet.
She’s not alone. And ye who shill for the oligarchs are out-numbered.
My thoughts are you need to grow up.
There’s a simple solution to this, if you’re in the middle– just join the conversation and sew dissent between the other two. It’s not hard if you’re clever and good a trolling people.
“Nancy’s right about this, Carl– you should spend more time with her family at the holidays. And definitely Laguardia would have been a better choice than JFK for this itinerary.”
The conversation will dry up quickly, either that or two out of three people in that aisle will be getting off the plane in a bad mood.
Great minds think alike!
This happened to my wife several years ago. She has a well-rehearsed comedy routine told often about being seated between “Barb & Marvin”.
If you do this while I’m in the middle, I’m suddenly going to need to pee every 15 minutes until you either knock it off or switch seats.
A couple won a trip to Cairo. On the return Egypt air flight I was the middle seat on a full flight Cairo to JFK, I had the extreme displeasure of non-stop rude behavior, loud conversation and disparaging comments about other passengers. I tell myself I can endure anything for a few hours. I was wrong. Turned my shell jacket over my head and cried.
Not sure whether you can turn on flatus on demand, but this would have been the time!
Phew maybe those spoiled Egyptian cats could supply some assistance!
“But if the middle seat fills, the game is over.” That’s it, folks, end of story.
Entitled breeders. Something needs to be done to control these heteros, especially females. What’s so wrong with wanting a gay version of The Handmaid’s Tale to put these females in their place?
Agreed! The world would be a much better place if people had stopped breeding centuries ago.
Let’s add a wrinkle. A stranger fills the middle seat and you offer them the aisle or window, but they refuse to move. Is it then okay to talk across them during the flight?
That’s an interesting wrinkle. I’d say that you sill don’t have the right to disturb the passenger between you based on your voluntary seat choice.
I respectfully disagree. I think the stranger’s voluntary choice to remain in the middle seat, despite the offer to switch, supersedes the couple’s prior decision. The stranger has accepted the repercussions of his/her informed decision.
Sounds like this couple was a couple of assholes
Your views are sensible and overall well grounded. That said, even though you’re asserting normal societal standards to the situation, there are no rules. My primary sympathy lies with the poor schmuck who was in the middle seat. In their spot I’d find some way or other to reciprocate their rudeness, perhaps by singing along to music on my headphones when they’re trying to talk while leaning forward to block their line of sight.
I generally don’t want to cause friction but rest assured, like Mr. Marcus posted, I would be either saying something EVERY time they leaned over me to not get into my personal space (in the phoniest tone I could muster) or try to engage both of them (alternately) in mundane conversation (like those non-stop, nervous talkers we’ve all have heard or experienced on flights or trains or whatever). Anyone who has the audacity to do this is as bad as man-spreading or putting feet on armrests or hogging armrests, etc. Even if they offered to switch to my middle seat, I would add to the misery and refuse – “Oh, no, I quite enjoy it here, the conversation, etc., very cozy, don’t you agree?”
If people can’t be shamed, just play as dumb as you can !
“In Dreams Begin Responsibilities” – Delmore Schwartz –
If you are a solo traveler, never choose a middle seat on a plane!
Although, Doctor, I am reminded of this commercial from my childhood:
This was one of Apple’s better ads for their iBook!
I never saw this ad before. In the future, I will summarize it as follows : “Apple thinks showing a complete a$$h0le using their product on a plane is a fine way to promote it.” I have a lot of money invested in Apple. None of it is direct, but my broad market ETFs have a lot of it. It pleases me take make money from a company that sells products to people who care what color the chat bubbles are, and who buy newer models when the older ones are fine.
On a flight lasting approximately 9 hours and 40 minutes, that passenger sitting in the middle should never have left his aisle seat!
Have been the in-between and they talked around me.. They refused to change seats.
The wife suggested her husband switch. When he declined, why didn’t SHE switch with the middle seater?